What If? Flipping Fear On Its Head & Telling Self-Doubt to Fuck Off

When I was 22, I watched something that made me feel understood in a way that I had never felt understood before that moment. It was a two-part documentary on young people who were living and struggling with OCD -  just like me. The series focused on an OCD bootcamp, with participants coming out of their comfort zones and seeing if treatment could be beneficial.  

But there was one scene in particular that has stuck with me.

In this scene, the group are sat around a bonfire, and the leader hands everyone a temporary tattoo to wear on their wrist. The tattoo is question mark and the point is this: remind yourself regularly, what If?

Now, if you know someone who has OCD or if you’ve struggled/struggle with OCD, you’ll know the level of creativity and thought that goes into thinking of worse case scenarios, imagining how wrong things could end up and how relentless those thoughts could be.

So at the time, this whole tattoo thing sounded pretty counter-intuitive and a bit fucking cruel.

But then I started to see it the other way.

There’s a flip side of the question. A flip side that asks you to engage in the tantalising idea of something actually working out and actually happening for the better.

A flip side that I hadn’t even considered. What if something bad didn’t happen? What if something great happened?

Mind. Blown.

Over the years, my OCD has ebbed and flowed in its severity and its relentlessness, and I’ve started to see this What If question in a much larger context than just me and my OCD.

One I’m sure you can relate to.

A context of putting yourself out in the world, saying your dreams out loud, creating things and trying to make the world a brighter place.

And here’s what I started to realise.

Everyone gets scared when it comes to trying or even wanting to put good shit into the world - especially when it includes a huge dollop of you.

As a creative doer, maker and world shaker, you have a huge imagination. A huge far-reaching imagination that can conjure up all types of scenarios where you think you could really fuck up.

You ask yourself, what if it fails? What if it doesn’t work out? What if it isn’t good enough? What if everyone hates me? What if I hear crickets? What if I’m not good enough? What if I fail? What if I have to start over?

What if, what if, what if.

So today I invite you to the other side.

Let’s leave the fear of

the Death Eaters and join

the hope of Dumbledore’s

Army instead.

What if you are good enough? What if you are the only person who can really do this? What if you do have something incredibly valuable to say?

What if you create the thing that the world needs? What if you succeed? What if people turn up because you’re saying the exact thing they need to hear? What if your dreams could happen and you started to chase them?

What if instead of falling flat on your face, you fly? What if your vision comes alive? What if the work you so long to do could make you a sustainable living? What if there’s more to life and you’ve been right all along? What if you can find a way to balance your limitations with what really lights you up?

What if you could make the world a brighter place? What if you could face the self-doubt and stand tall? What if that tribe you’ve always wanted could exist?

What if?

It all starts with those two deceptively simple words.

Taking them to heart with a bit of self belief and really intentionally asking yourself, what if?

It all starts with a new lens and a scoop of courage.

And it all starts with you.

What if, my friend. What if?

3 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Start Any Creative Project

  I don’t know about you, but there seems to be so much similarity in so much of the stuff we see online. Blog posts look the same, Instagram feeds look the same, e-courses look identical but with perhaps a shift in colour scheme. And it can get so fucking boring.

And I think it does something to us creatives who think a bit differently too. Sometimes it works to keep us small because we don’t know whether we should add to the noise, it makes us overthink the things we create and sometimes we feel like we have to be some kind of creative genius who has come out of no where and is doing things completely differently.

So, today let’s take off that pressure for a second and focus on three questions to ask yourself about any creative project, which are going to help you start creating from YOU instead.

These are three questions I come back to time and time again when I'm starting a creative project, and thinking about them for a while ALWAYS makes my ideas more fun, more me and a whole lot more exciting.

Question 1: How can you make it more fun?

Seriously, I think so much of the time we forget that creativity is meant to be FUN! We forget that we can do things for joy’s sake, and we can create from a place that makes us really happy. A lot of the focus tends to be on the outcome, and I think we can really forget to focus on the process.

My friend - how can you make that project you’re thinking of more fun? What can you do that lights YOU up and will make you look forward to working on it? Forget what everyone else is doing for a minute and just focus on you

Question 2: How can you make it more YOU?

When we’re looking around us, we tend to forget our own unique skills and strengths and how we can combine them in a way that works for us. Perhaps that e-course you were working on does need its own playlist, perhaps a video of you chair dancing at the start of your book is essential.

Creative projects always mean more and make more of a difference to people when they come completely from your heart. I speak for a LOT of people when I say, we’re sick of stock photos, we’re sick of the same formats. Put the format and the layout at the bottom of the list, and let’s focus on YOU.

Question 3: How can you make it more different?

Because let’s face it - it is important. If you want to challenge the status quo and offer an alternative, at some point it needs to be different. But in what way does it need to be different? What story is missing?

I’m not talking about sitting down for weeks on end and trying to think of some original concept that no one ever has or ever will think of (I know it’s tempting, and if you get stuck in this, I really recommend you read Austin Kleon’s Steal Like an Artist). Instead I’m talking about going back to basics. What is everyone else doing? What could you do that would make it different?

And I don’t mean being different for different’s sake. I mean making it purposefully different.

It all comes down to this - the world needs more of YOU and less of the same boring contrived shit that we’re all sick of seeing.

There’s only one of you and you are a marvellous human being with stories that only you can tell, and your own unique way of looking at the world.

How can you bring more of that into the world and really start to get going on your creative projects that the world so desperately needs?

I'd love to know what you're working on and what comes out of these questions for you. Let me know in the comments below! 

The Ultimate Self Care Q&A!

Welcome to this super post all about self care! If you’ve ever thought about self care, struggled with self care, or don’t know what the hell self care is, this post is for you. If you’ve ever felt stressed, found it hard to justify doing things just for you, or been burnt out, this post is for you. If you’re a human being, reading this, right now, this is for you.

Self care has become this thing that gets bounded around everywhere, and it can be pretty confusing - I mean, what if I don’t like hot baths? What if I don’t like candles? Fear not. Let’s debunk some myths, answer some questions, and get this shit on the road.

What is self care?

Self care is the art of doing things for yourself that make you feel great. It’s about taking time to refill your cup, adding more joy into your life, learning to unwind and enjoy being in the here and now. At a base level, self care is a practice about looking after yourself. On a deeper level, it’s learning that you have your own back, learning to love your own company and learning that you’ve got everything you need right inside yourself. And once you have those beliefs fine tuned, anything is possible.

Self care is a skill, that you get better at, and gets easier the more you do it. At first it might feel hard to justify doing things just for you, and not feel guilty, but as you up your self care, you begin to see how necessary it is, and how it can change your entire outlook on life.

But, isn’t self care selfish?

Ahh, the holy grail of self care - dealing with this notion that if you’re taking the time for you, it means you’re selfish, you’re ungrateful, you’re self absorbed and you only care about yourself. I call BULLSHIT on this. I used to believe that. I used to believe it so strongly that I’d run myself to the ground, and didn’t even know where to start when it came to doing things for myself. Then someone who I really admired said to me, ‘If you don’t help yourself, how can you expect to help other people?’ Mind. Blown.

I’ve come to learn that it can be more selfish to NOT look after yourself. Think about it - if you’re constantly stressed out, frazzled and have no time, chances are you have a short fuse with friends and family, you overcommit to things and end up either letting people down or doing a shoddy job (been there!), you neglect relationships because there aren’t enough hours in the day, and you’re only ever a couple of steps away from a melt down. So while you might think taking an afternoon out to do something you love is something you feel bad about, I can guarantee that you’ll come back to the people you love, and things you’re working on, with more love, more patience, more passion and feeling more like you and less like a hyena on speed.

So, in a word, no - self care isn’t selfish. It’s absolutely necessary if you want to live a wholehearted life.

Isn’t self care just about hot baths, candles and going to bed early?

Nope. Well, it can be if those are the things that give you energy, make you feel alive, renew your faith in humanity. But it doesn’t have to be any of those things. Here’s the thing about self care - it’s not a one off thing. You cant just have a hot bath and expect everything in your life to be fixed.

a) because you have responsibility over your own life

b) because if something is going to fix every aspect of your life, I'd expect more glitter and camp show tunes involved.

It has to be built into your daily life. You might have a hot bath one day, and it might make you feel great, but the effects aren’t going to last forever. They might not last as long as the bubbles do. Nor is self care about spending lots of money doing one-off things like going to a spa or getting a manicure. Sure, if they make you feel great, that's fantastic, but don’t treat self care like a one-off thing that costs you loads of mullah. Because if you do, you’ve got a whole load of excuses not to get your self care on! I haven’t got the money for self care! I haven’t got the time for self care!

So, what counts as self care?

Self care can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn’t have to be green smoothies, impossible yoga poses or waking up at the crack of dawn to meditate. It can be dancing around the room in your underwear to Taylor Swift, taking time at the end of the day to think of 3 good things that have happened, going out for a walk listening to a podcast, lying in bed watching as many episodes of the Gilmore Girls as you can fit in one day or reading a book in the early hours of the morning. In short, self care is unique to you. You don’t have to justify it to anyone.

How can I find self care activities that work for me?

Go grab a pen and paper.

Write down any activities you loved doing as a child.

Now write down any activities that make you lose track of time because you get so into them.

Now write down anything that makes you feel good.

Add the names of your favourite books, films and albums. There you go - you’ve got a pretty good start!

Why haven’t I heard of self care before?

In short, because we live in a culture where we’re rewarded for working until we’re exhausted, where our self worth is based on the grades we get and the job title we have, and where this notion of doing something just for the fun of it doesn’t exist. Think about it for a second - if employers started to value self care, we’d have more days off, we wouldn’t be so put upon and we’d be happier in our jobs. Sounds great, but doesn’t do a lot for the capitalist machine. Also, a lot of self care is free, so if it doesn’t make money...

And if you have heard of self care, chances are it’s because you were in a place where you were exhausted, stressed and feeling overwhelmed and realised something had to change.

How can I make time for self care?

All of our lives look different. What I might count as having no time is going to look different than your version of having no time. The other day, I was listening to a podcast (I forget which one) and it was all about making time, and it really shut a lot of my excuses up. Because, when you don’t have time, you do make time for things you HAVE to do. You make the time to go to toilet, to feed yourself (even if it is junk food/ready meals) and remember to lock the front door. Even when life gets busy, when you don’t feel like you have enough time in the day, you do all of those things. So, you do have time, it’s just a case of needing to prioritise and decide what you’re willing to spend you time on.

Here are a couple of tricks for making more time for self care in your life:

1. Take it as seriously as a hospital appointment - Put self care in your diary, and keep the appointment. You owe it to yourself. Every week I send out self care check ins to my mailing list - I know I have to do that every Sunday, and every Sunday, I make time for it. Not only does it help to remind other people to up their self care, it forces me to sit down and see how I’m doing, and how I’m looking after myself.

2. Start small - Put it this way - five minutes of self care every day is going to have a huge effect on your life, if you’re currently spending zero minutes a day on it. You can do a lot in five minutes, as I found when I wrote a HUGE list of things you can do to relax in under five minutes. Increase your five minutes as time goes forward, but for now, start the routine of having just five minutes every day, to do something just for you.

3. Have things set up already - If you’re a multipotentialite like me, you’ll have learned that organisation is a pretty big thing. One of my favourite books, Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher, shares a really simple tip for spending time on things you love. And it’s this: set up stations. For example, if you love painting, set up a clean space with your canvas/paper with your paints. That way, when the moment comes, it’s so much easier.

Why should I care about self care?

You’re reading this, so I’m going to assume that you want to live a wholehearted life, you want to make a difference and you want to follow your passions. All of those things take a shit load of effort, conviction, and energy. We’re human, we don’t have an endless supply of passion and inspiration. We have a tendency to work ourselves ill, to push ourselves until we can’t and a tendency to get overwhelmed.

Your dreams, your passions, your life - they all begin with YOU. And if you’re nourished, you’re nurtured and you’re well looked after, you’re more likely to chase those dreams, live those dreams and live a life you love. You’ll have time for the people in your life, you’ll have the love to get you through the day, and the strength and courage to get up tomorrow and do it all over again.

But how do I know self care is for me?

If you have a pulse, self care is for you.

While self care is universal, and isn’t limited to class, gender, culture, age, ability, all of those things have an effect on how we self care. Some people have more time for self care, for others, it might not be that simple. Some people live in a culture of which is more accepting of self care, for others, it’s more of a battle. For some people self care might be an energetic activity, for others, self care might have to be a low energy activity. What’s important is finding something that works for you, and knowing that wherever you are in the world, whoever you are, self care is a necessity. Like your fingerprint, your self care is going to be different, and that’s a good thing.

Does self care lead to self love?

YES. By taking the time for you, you’re giving yourself so many unconscious messages:

I am worth spending time on I am worth looking after I love myself enough to stop I have value and am valued I am enough I matter

OK - I’ve got it! Now what?

Pick something small and start. Something I really found helped me to begin with, was getting a sheet of paper, dividing it into strips, and on each strip, writing down something I loved to do. I then put them into a pot/jar and rather than stressing out about relaxing, picked something out and went for it. Here's the tutorial! I also wrote a post of 50 thing you can do to show yourself you matter, which I think might be just the thing you need!

In the beginning, it’s about just getting going. What I mentioned earlier about starting just five minutes at a time, or putting it in your diary and keeping to it, is really helpful. Once you’re finding yourself doing things you love that make you feel good, you’ll have given yourself enough reasons to keep going, just by how much better life feels when you do things you love and look after yourself.

Dear the Online Business/Blogging World. It's time we addressed the bullshit.

If you are a creative, a blogger, a business owner or a one person band and you're feeling overwhelmed, you're going to want to read this!  I am pissed off.

Blogging and generally being online started as a way of expressing ourselves. Limited customisation options, and it was all about the writing and actually connecting to other people and forming communities. Then it became that + having a pretty blog. Then social media got involved. And then multi-purposing our content for things like Periscope. Then webinars. Then…

Am I the only person who thinks this is a bit ridiculous?

Don't get me wrong, I'm a multipassionate person, and I like the variety, but seriously??

What started off as a need to tell stories, find common ground and express yourself has ended up as this completely saturated marketing ploy where if you struggle you're told to just outsource, or if you don't do ALL THE THINGS, you're told you'll never get anywhere.

And it's pretty fucking impossible to keep up with.

I'm actually sad about all the people who have valuable experiences and stories to share who end up giving up pretty quickly because of the ridiculous amount of things they feel they're expected to do.

Shit, I know I’ve felt like giving up before.

And it's really fucking hard to not cave into the pressure.

Especially when you have noise from EVERYWHERE telling you what to do to grow your audience, how to increase your traffic, how to get more exposure, how to grow your email list.

And when you raise your hand and admit you're overwhelmed (which I don't think enough of us do), we're met with the same answer. Outsource. Or we’re told we haven’t implemented one of ‘the strategies’ properly. Or some other bullshit.

Not everybody can afford to outsource. And not everyone wants to. While it's great that tools exist for Bootstrappers to DIY everything themselves, I wonder how helpful it actually is, or if it's actually just piling more things for us to do that takes us a way from the work that really matters.

And not all of us want to use the exact same marketing ploy or create identical products with slightly different wording.

Blogging and being a creative has gone from sharing your experiences, your stories and your life to this three person full time job.

If you follow the advice of popular bloggers, people who have a business which is all about making money online, and people who blog about blogging, then there's this enormous expectation to do ALL. THE. FUCKING. THINGS.

And I worry about the online community of bloggers and writers as a whole. If we're spending minimal time writing, a massive amount of time promoting, scheduling, creating social media images and the rest of it, we don't have much time to look up and notice what other people are doing. And that doesn't make for a healthy community. That makes for a pretty fucking narcissistic one.

We spend so much time trying to keep up with the gazillion tasks we've already got to do, that most of the things we end up consuming are sales emails in our inbox.

And how on earth can we be inspired in this environment?

While we’re running around like a blue assed fly feeling like the Worst Creative Business/Blog Owner Ever, we’re forgetting that most of the businesses trying to have the same impact that we want have TEAMS. Remember that forgotten word? In very few other industries do you have one person who is responsible for ALL of the strategy, writing, marketing, graphic design, social media management, administration, book keeping, and goodness knows how many other things. Many other industries find the idea of one person being able to do all of this laughable.

(And no, this is not a call for outsourcing, I’m just laying on the table just how much we’re expecting ourselves to do)

Yet without even properly realising it, we take all of this on as if it's completely normal and THEN feel bad when we don't get it all done.

We try to be everywhere all the time and in some industries, some of the ways we’re convinced to try and get clients, get an audience etc would be seen as outright predatory. We’re almost taught to forget that our audience and our clients are real life people with real life passions and problems, and not just a number problem to solve on Twitter or email lists. And as creatives, when everything becomes ALL about the numbers and the analytics, then shit starts to become very boring, very quickly.

And we’re convinced that we have to be on Instagram, Twitter, Periscope, Facebook, Facebook groups, Snapchat, Pinterest, and - countless others I've not heard - of all the time. You really don’t. What you do have to do is live your life as well. And living your life doesn't have to look like being on your laptop until your eyes feel funny, moving onto Netflix for a quick break, maybe a nap and back to your laptop. And yes, I've been there more times than I'd like to admit.

The people you're probably reading who are telling you all about what you NEED to be doing? Chances are, a lot of them have staff. A lot of them outsource. A lot of them aren't staying up until their eyes physically feel like they can't take it anymore watching yet another webinar or signing up for another free checklist. No, they actually get sleep (remember what that is?). And make actual money. And yes they might have been in your position once, but I don't think the expectations were so high when they started out. In fact I think they've been instrumental in helping raise these impossible expectations. It’s kind of convenient, isn’t it?

Most of this bullshit is about making money. Not about helping people, or being really honest or sharing your story to make people feel less alone. Fuck, it felt like that went a LONG time ago. The people who believe that (like me) are called endearing or naive and told to have a better business brain. Values seem to have gone out of the window a long time ago. I mean, for fuck's sake, don't write about your experiences or your life, please, flat lay all the stationary on your desk instead.

And let’s face it, a lot of this feels like Mean Girls 2.0.

What I'm really trying to say is that the blogging/online business world needs to chill the fuck out.

If you are a one person business/blogger/creative entrepreneur, whatever you like to call yourself, you have to stop somewhere.

You are one person - a pretty amazing person at that - and you have to have a life as well.

No one is going to be inspired or moved to action with whatever you put out there if you're too fucking tired to think, or if your heart isn't in it. And no one’s going to care what you do if you treat them as another number or a problem to solve instead of someone who you genuinely want to help.

And frankly, your audience wouldn't want you pushing yourself to exhaustion creating content for them. And if they wouldn't care either way, perhaps you're doing it for the wrong people.

Why did you start the work you were doing? What was your reason?

Go back to the beginning and examine how you can achieve your mission while thriving at the same time.

Because I'm guessing it didn't involve sitting through hours of trainings and webinars and fuck knows what other things we've been told we MUST have or do. (Let me ask you this - when was the last time you actually implemented any of that stuff instead of going straight onto the next training?)

If you're starting out and you're feeling overwhelmed, I don't blame you. Because it's a space full of people trying to get you to pay your fee for the London marathon before you can walk. And a space full of so many huge and ridiculous expectations that you’ve got people panicking because they published their first blog post twelve days ago and haven’t made five figures yet. (I mean, please). That does not make you a failure, people.

And if you started out a while ago and still feel overwhelmed - hi.

If you’re feeling way too overwhelmed and like packing it in, create some space for yourself. Turn down the noise and filter your social media feeds so you’re not seeing all of these things you feel like you should be doing all the time. Unsubscribe to the millions of sales emails and concentrate on the people that provide you genuine value because they want to, instead of click baiting and guilting you into buying their product. Find the people in your niche that align with your values and stick with them. Make connections, struggle together. Promote your stuff in a way that feels good to you and doesn’t make you feel like a shitty person. Find a way to make it totally you and defend that with everything you have.

It’s a huge online world out there, and a whole lot of it feels like it’s designed to make you feel stupid, designed to make you feel like you have to be doing SO much more than you already are, and if you’re looking for confirmation that you should be doing more, then you’re always going to find it. So much of this shit is designed to make you do anything and everything for you to part with your hard earned cash.

So instead of giving time to the people who don’t really care about anything other than what’s in your wallet or filling their own purpose, give to yourself instead.

Please, for the love of all things, start creating.

Get off  Facebook, stop adding keywords to your blog posts for a second and please start creating. Start building the things that only you can build. Get stuck in the flow and let the hours pass like seconds because you’re so absorbed. Go to bed with a full heart, excied to get going again, instead of feeling inflated and like you didn’t achieve much that mattered.

Try not to get bogged down in the little things. Because a lot of this shit we beat ourselves up is exactly that.

I can guarantee that when you look back on your life, you would have preferred to have had a full life instead of a full buffer feed.

You my friend, have so much to give the world. You don’t need all this brain clutter. At some point we started trusting google and anyone who called themselves an expert more than ourselves, and that is some scary shit right there. You have all the answers you need inside you to make the work that matters in the world. And in the areas you feel like you could use more input and knowledge, pay attention to the people whose values align with yours and genuinely want to help you.

Make friends online instead of frenemies, stop comparing yourself to everyone else you come across and instead when you find something you really value - let that person know. That person’s website you keep clicking back to and it makes you feel bad? Stop.

And instead of focusing on follower numbers and engagement stats, focus on each individual person who gives a shit about what you do. When someone takes time to read what you write, to give feedback, to look at your work and gets inspired from something you did? That’s where the magic lies, and how fucking amazing is that you did that? That's a huge honour. You have the power to inspire, to empower and make someone’s day, hell - even change their life. Shouldn’t that really be the focus?

You have epic shit to put into the world and it’s time to start creating it, in the way only you can.

Have fun, get creative, and be intentionally and unapologetically you.

The world needs YOU. And it’s waiting.

I know I'm not alone in how I feel - I'd love to hear your experiences and your thoughts and how you're navigating the online world. Let's start a conversation in the comments!

5 Reasons Why You Can't Create (and what you can do about it)

Feeling uninspired is the dreaded fear of all creatives. It's like the He-Shall-Not-Be-Named of creativity but we all get it. And when we get it, we panic that it’s never going to come back. And sometimes that ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy.

Maya Angelou said, “You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have” and I’m completely with her. Especially the bit about not being able to use it all up.

Because it’s going to come back, it’s not gone for good. But that doesn’t mean sitting down and waiting for the apple to hit you on the head. That my friend, worked for Newton, but it’s an easy excuse to put your hands up and absolve yourself from creative responsibility.

And we’re about making life happening, not letting life happen to us around here.

There are things you can do to nourish your creativity. There are things you can do.

So if you feel completely blocked and stuck right now, I hope this helps you. And chances are if you’re really honest with yourself, that you’ll find something that really helps you below.

And remember - reasons you can't create are valid, and definitely completely different from the voice in our head that tells us that we're not good enough, that we should just quit and asks us who we are to be doing this in the first place. That voice is bullshit.

5 Reasons You Feel Uninspired

1. You're 'waiting for inspiration'

This old chestnut. If I could go back and cut out the scene in every film about a writer/painter which involves them sitting down, waiting for their muse and suddenly being inspired, I would.

I have bought into this myth time and time again.

If only I had a nicer notebook/pen It will come to me, I just need to wait

Nope, that’s not going to happen anytime soon. If anything, it’s going to give space to those voices of self doubt and make you less likely to create.

If you only create when you feel really inspired to, you’re going to put so much pressure on yourself and judge yourself so much more harshly. We all need to sit through the shitty first drafts and a lot of us have piles of work we’re not that impressed with. But the difference is doing it. Use that muscle, even when it’s not screaming for exercise. Especially when it’s not screaming for exercise.

Things you can do: Go outside. Get out of your comfort zone. Make memories. If you’re a writer, take a camera out with you to one of your favourite places and get creative. If you’re a painter, try writing. If you like all manner of creative pursuits, try a new one. Just try something. Just do something.

2. You're underestimating what you have going on in your life right now

As creatives, we often give ourselves excuses, but I think this is something we massively underplay. So many of us have so much going on in our lives and sometimes we don't have the head space to create. I know a lot of us creatives struggle with our mental health, and put an enormous amount of pressure and guilt on ourselves to create when we're feeling less than great.

And we're not only underestimating ourselves, but we're berating ourselves for not being able to live up to our often unrealistic expectations that we put on ourselves while we've got so much going on all at once (I'm absolutely raising my hand for this one!)

So be kinder to yourself and stop hating on yourself so hard. You're doing great!

Things you can do: 

1. Start small. And do something that's going to make you feel good. If you paint, mix colours and find one that speaks to you. Carve out a space and some time for you, and just play. Do things to show yourself you matter. Our creativity heals us in so many ways, but only if we save some for ourselves. And if you have got a lot going on, start a journal, or an art journal. You'll be surprised how much it can help you.

2. Take a break and just focus on looking after you. Take it off your shoulders and give yourself some love instead.

3. The pressure has built into a mountain

Somewhere along the line, the pressure started piling up on us: to make everything we do a great piece of art, to be able to create a masterpiece in a heartbeat, to be able to live from our art, and to be able to create on demand.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we are human. And while humans are capable of many incredible and wonderful things, they also take time as well. I've said this before but I really wish we could see more bad drafts and more ideas that went wrong from the people who are well established in our fields. Because so often we only get to see the end product and that's bullshit. It lures us into this trap of thinking that everything we do has to be great and has to be measurable in some way.

It really doesn't.

And I learned that the hard way because I put so much pressure on my ability to write stories that I haven't written fiction in a long time. I spent a good 8 years not writing full stop.

The only thing pressure does to your creativity is kill it. And we're pretty peaceful around here.

Things you can do: Allow yourself to be messy. Give yourself permission to fuck up. Give yourself space to suck (my friend Violeta Nedkova has a great 30 Days of Sucking Challenge!). Create things just for the fun of it. Start silly projects that make you smile and not a lot else. You have great things inside you but they're going to stay inside you if you don't get off the mountain.

4. You're consuming too much

Okay, so I think all of us are guilty of this one. Of constantly checking social media, ending up in the internet black hole for hours, finding things to procrastinate with that make us feel like shit - like looking up people you went to school with on Facebook, spending too much time in our inboxes and not enough time connecting with people in real life. Or binging TV series' to the point that we lose all sense of reality. (I once watched so much One Tree Hill that I thought I saw one of the characters in the street and nearly asked him how his fictional life was going.)

But the problem here is that we're consuming too many of other people's ideas that we're not leaving any room for ourselves. We're bogging our brains with so much that it responds to that it's no surprise that we can't produce jackshit.

Things you can do: Amber Thomas wrote a great guest post for That Hummingbird Life on her experiment on how what and how she consumes influences her creativity. Start your own experiment and see what you find out! Turn notifications off your phone and give your brain a bit of space to think. Have an internet-free hour at the start of every day and see what's naturally on your mind instead of responding to everything you see. When you start consciously consuming, things start to change and your creativity will come back.

5. You're comparing yourself

If you do your work online, it's seemingly impossible not to find people who are relatively similar to you and start comparing. Or to start stalking your favourite writers/artists/creators and compare where they are to where you are. And if anything is likely to demotivate you and make you feel completely uninspired this it.

But here's what you need to remember.

No one can do exactly what you do in the way you do it. You have stories and experiences and memories which are completely unique to you. And you have an understanding of all those things in a way that is unique to you.

And if you think about it, there is no competition when you look at it that way.

Your step 2 is going to look like someone else's step 45. And someone else's step 9 is going to look like your step 109. And that's okay. We're all taking a different route and we all have a different destination. And how you choose to get there is two thirds down to you and one third down to the pure randomness of life.

Know that when you're comparing yourself and it makes you question where you're at, you're not building yourself up, you're slowly chipping away at what makes you you.

Things you can do:

Get some willpower and stop checking up on people you think you're in competition with. Unsubscribe from any emails that end up with you doubting yourself.  Write a list of things that only you've got the experience and understanding to do. Use your creativity to write yourself a letter about what makes you you, and pin it up somewhere you can see it. Do things that give your light instead of finding things that add to your darkness.

You have so much to give to the world, but shit isn't going to come out if you're waiting for inspiration to show up, if you're unintentionally making yourself feel like shit by comparing yourself and you're putting the world on your shoulders.

You have something to say and you have a story that no one else in the world has or gets to tell.

That's pretty fucking amazing.

So be honest with yourself, and instead of  waiting, start doing things and go make life happen.

How does creativity show up in your life? I'd love to hear what you do when you're feeling uninspired. Let's get chatting in the comments!

The Loneliness That Comes with Not Fitting In

I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I don’t fit in. When I was thirteen I started a zine called Broccoli (okay, I only got round to designing the front cover). It was going to be all about the experiences of growing up a misfit and not feeling like I fit in.

In high school I was bullied about everything, from laugh to the Doc Martens I rocked (I think I was way ahead of the time). I didn’t stick out like a sore thumb, I stuck out like a dislocated arm.

Sometimes I welcomed the terms freak and misfit like a warm hug, and sometimes I would have given my left tit to fit in. I had friends, but they didn’t get me, not really. They weren’t creative, they didn’t seem to feel things as deeply as I did, and were much happier gossiping about boys and the latest trends in H&M whereas I would be happier doodling and listening to music for the rest of my life.

While everyone was looking up to Melissa from the OC for inspiration, I was idolising the character Sky Mangel, a blue haired teenage girl from the Australian soap Neighbours.

Going to college was the closest I came to feeling like I fit in because I turned my back on everything that was familiar and refused to go to the college built into my high school. College was made up of misfits and people like me, grappling with their struggles and just trying to make it through to the other side, whatever that was. But while I felt like I fit in through circumstance, I didn’t feel much more understood.

I went to university and I really didn’t fit in. I didn’t fit in in my first job. I didn’t fit in when I moved to London and I still don’t. I’ve found the bigger the city the lonelier it can feel. I certainly didn’t fit in when I spent 3 months backpacking around America. And I still don’t.

I’ve spent my whole life not feeling like I fit in, and as I’ve grown and the years have gone by, my reasons for not fitting in list have grown with me.

I’ve been with Mr. Meg for coming on 14 years, I’m not a huge drinker, I’m fat, I don’t have a 9-5 job and hate everything about the rat race, I don’t give a shit about fashion and I’m always putting my foot in my mouth. I struggle with anxiety and way over think conversations, and my OCD can look pretty odd sometimes. I can’t keep my mouth shut when I feel passionately about something, I overshare, I say it like it is and I’m very chirpy.

And on one hand I would never have it any other way because I couldn’t conform if I tried, but I can’t escape the fact that sometimes it can feel so lonely.

I’m feel really lucky to have found my people online. Through The Couragemakers Podcast, I’ve found my people, through this blog, through my weekly emails and through the magic of Twitter. It took a long time to find my tribe and often I felt like I never would, but it happened.

But that doesn’t mean that day to day the loneliness goes away. Sometimes it comes to the surface, but more often that not, it’s something that I’ve come to be with for such a long time that it’s like a humming in the background.

If you have the same humming in the background, I want to tell you that you’re not alone.

Even though sometimes you feel like no one gets you and you feel completely on your own, you’re not. There are so many of us who feel the same way, some for the same reasons and others for entirely different reasons.

It's okay to not want the things you're supposed to want. It's okay to have a completely different idea of fun than everyone around you. It's okay to want to have a different lifestyle, a different identity and different hobbies than everyone around you. It’s okay to have different values, different outlooks and a different way of being.

Scratch that. It’s not okay (and if you started singing the My Chemical Romance song in your head, we need to be friends). It’s fucking brilliant.

Your quirks, your weirdness, the way you do things is what sets you apart.

The Loneliness That Comes With Not Fitting In

And the world needs you exactly as you are. There’s no one out there like you and no one who can bring to the world exactly what you do in the way that you do it.

Here’s the thing that I go back to. There are so many things I wouldn’t have done if I felt like I fit in. I would never have started this blog or The Couragemakers Podcast for one. I never would have sought out the things that make me happy, like laughter yoga, performance poetry, forest bathing, I wouldn’t have found Mr. Meg (we were e-pals back in the 2000s and found each other through our joint not fitting in and love of emo music), I wouldn’t have honed my skills and talents like I did.

And there are things and experiences you would never have had if you fit in. If you conformed, you would have had to give up so many of the things that make you you, and wouldn’t be two-thirds of the person you are today. Your difference is what sets the world on fire.

And you’re so much stronger than you think because of it. You can’t get through years of feeling like you don’t fit in without being strong and standing up for yourself. Even if that’s just in your head.

But we need to start talking about the loneliness that comes with feeling like we don’t fit in.

We need to start sharing our experiences. Of course, some of them make us feel ashamed, some of them make us feel lame (like the voice I’ve had through writing this telling me not to hit the publish button), but it’s really damn important.

Because so many of us think we’re feeling this alone. So many of us are struggling with similar things thinking we’re completely on our own and nobody gets it.

But trust me, I get it. And so many others do as well.

So let’s shine light on the loneliness and band together in standing out.

What’s your experience? Comment below and let’s get this conversation started!

This is the scariest thing about dream-chasing

While I’ve been in the US, I’ve really learned how huge Halloween is over here. The decorations vary from pretty to over the top, the candy looks delicious and there’s definitely something in the air. I’ve definitely seen my fair share of scary skeletons, but I think there’s definitely something a lot scarier that none of us talk about, at any time of the year:

How scary life is, when it is full of chances you didn’t take, words you didn’t write, things you didn’t try and dreams you never chased.

I get it, I really do. I get the fear, the courage it takes to put yourself out there, the vulnerability in being seen, the chance of failure and the overwhelming feeling that you can’t do it.

But I think sometimes we don’t think of the actual consequences apart from the here and now of how impossible something feels, and what bad things could happen as a result of trying.

And that’s this idea of the life unlived. Not just the one thing you didn’t have the courage to do, but how they add up over a period of time, depriving you (and the world) of the amazing things you have to give and create. How they accumulate and you end up creating a life that doesn’t reflect the person you are, or the dreams and wishes you dare to dream late at night when no one’s around.

It’s a bit like ordering cheese (I don’t know why I picked cheese, I don’t know that many cheeses, but bare with me on this).

Imagine you’re a cheese connoisseur and you go up to a counter of delicious cheeses and you hand over your money,and in return, you get given the really shit cheese that comes in a tube. Even though you can see all of these fancy mature cheeses that have you salivate, you’re stuck with the one that comes in a tube for goodness sake.

While perhaps a bizarre metaphor, I think you get what I’m saying here. We have all these amazing things inside of us and yet sometimes we end up settling and getting a shit deal of it.

You would be gutted if you were a cheese connoisseur and you got tube cheese, the same way as you’d be gutted if one day you realised the fantastic person you are and how you settled for the lesser option.

Because here’s the thing: you are not tube cheese.

You are the real fucking deal. And perhaps if you can allow yourself to believe that for just a second, things could change.

I want what you have to give to the world to be in the world. I want to read your words, see your art, hear your message, watch you shine brightly as you know deep down you can.

And the world wants it to. There might be 7 billion people in the world right now, but there is only one you. And you have a shit tonne more than you could ever imagine to give the world.

And you might not know what that is yet, but it doesn’t mean it’s not worth exploring.

We all have dreams, we all have wishes, and we all have a vision for ourselves that we sometimes dare to think of. But that doesn’t mean only the lucky ones get to achieve their dreams or live the life they want to. Of course, priviledge plays a factor in everything, but convincing ourselves that only the special ones get to live the life they have in their head is dangerous. And really fucking scary.

So, this Halloween, think about the life unlived, and then think of all the possibilities of the life lived instead.

Be the girl that lived.

And if you got that Harry Potter reference, I think we need to be BFFS.

What's one thing you've been to scared to do that you're going to try? Let me know in the comments!

Dreamshitters, Standing Up For Yourself & Losing People Along The Way

There's something people don't tell you when you start to stand up for yourselves and following the beat of your drum. And that's this: often you'll lose someone along the way. Somewhere between finding your voice and dealing with dreamshitters, something changes.

You stand taller. You talk with conviction. You start to lose your people pleasing tendencies (don't worry, I'm 100% with you on this!) and you start to believe.

Believe you've got something to say. Believe you've got something to give the world. Believe that you matter. Believe that you deserve to be treated a certain way.

And that is AMAZING. Believe me.

But something else shifts as well. And that's your tolerance forbullshit.

Your eyes start to open to the people who take you for granted, the people who belittle you, and the people who don't like this new 'you'. (Except it isn't really new, that bold courageous version of you has been right in there, hiding for some time).

Some people just aren't going to be there for the ride. And sometimes those people who aren't going to be on the journey with you are the exact people you always assumed would be there.

When we start to live with our eyes open, embrace a wholehearted life and start saying yes to the dreams that scare us, we unknowingly force other people to take a long hard look at themselves.

Sometimes they don't like what they see. And they take it out on you.

So I want to assure you:

Everyone has their own shit to deal with. And every now and then, people will throw their shit at you. And it will hurt. But that doesn't mean you need to take it.

You are not responsible for the world's shit.

And no one has the right to make you feel small, or stupid, like your dreams are too big, or anything less than the fucking rockstar you are.

I get it, it's pretty scary losing people. It plays into a lot of our fears, like the fear of 'I'll never find someone else' and the fear of rejection that probably led to the person still being in your life.

So today, I want to give you a huge hug and tell you that cutting out the people in your life who make you feel like shit, might hurt at first, but you'll feel so much better afterwards.

And you'll get great new people in your life. People who see you as you are now, and root for you. People who lift you up and help you be the best version of yourself.

People who are worthy of you. 

And you might only be able to count those people on one hand. But that doesn't matter. Those people are one in a million, and it's those people to hold onto and never let go.

So let's raise our bowls of ice cream to the people who appreciate us for the fabulous people we already are.

Self Care Doesn't Have To Be Glamorous

This week I want to debunk some myths and share with you something I've been struggling with lately. And that's this notion that self care has to be beautiful. It has to be these set of serene moments that are simultaneously Natural Geographic worthy, as well as worthy for high esteemed food blogs. And these serene moments should preferably happen as the sun comes up.

In all honesty, I'm pretty fucking sick of that shit. (I made this pretty clear when Sarah Starrs interviewed me for her Punk Rock Personal Development Podcast)

One of the irrefutable truths I found when I first started taking care of myself and trying to prevent myself from getting burnt out, was this notion that self care doesn't have to be this high horse, impressive thing.

You don't need to listen to Oprah every morning (though, I've just started What I Know For Sure and really recommend it), drink a green smoothie and take a picture for Instagram to practice self care. It doesn't have to look pretty. Often it's messy and you wouldn't want someone to take a picture. It potentially involves a duvet, a boxset or Netflix, greasy hair (come on, I see you! I'm with you too!) and a bar of chocolate.

Self Care Doesn't Have To Be Glamorous

But it's taken a while to get to this perspective. I've struggled with falling into the trap of putting strict parameters on what my self care should look like. I've tried to force myself to grab a cup of tea and an inspirational book, listen to non-fiction audiobooks and feeding my inspiration.

And subsequently haven't done anything to make myself feel more rested. Instead of making me feel relaxed, it's made my brain hurt, when all I need is a bit of time off.

There's a time for filling yourself with inspiration, and there's a time for just doing passive activities. And when you're feeling stressed out, tired, anxious or like your brain won't shut up, you don't need to be forcing new ideas into your head. Sometimes you just need to do a passive activity that's going to take you out of your current reality, and give your brain some time to take it slow.

I love binge watching shows when my brain feels full and it turns out that it's my go-to self care for a reason. Because I need something that's passive and going to let me out of my own head. And that I need that couple of days to do just that, and give my brain a good and proper rest.

If you're feeling like this, turn to your time-tested method of what works for you. (And if it's binge watching tv shows, I really recommend the series Scorpion!) And if you don't have a time tested method, then now it's time to experiment. It doesn't have to be binge watching Netflix. It could be grabbing a coffee and people watching, putting your favourite songs on and shutting your eyes, starting a good fiction book, or anything that doesn't feel like it takes much effort for you, and lets you get into that relaxed state.

Your self care is absolutely necessary, and it doesn't have to be some worthwhile worthy thing. It can be putting trashy TV with a tub of Ben & Jerry's and getting lost in the drama. You know you best!

You do you!

What helps you get into that relaxed state? Let me know in the comments!

On Dream-chasing: You have the right to feel happy

Yesterday  marked two weeks until me and Mr. Meg leave for our big adventure. Starting with three months in the US and then six months in Asia (budget permitting), we're going to be living a dream that we've thought about, obsessed about and planned for, for a very long time. I've been really honest about the process and about the not so glamorous side of dream chasing, but there's still been one thing nagging me at the back of my head. And that's this idea that I can't act too happy about it, or be too excited about it. And I think this idea of having to tone it down is huge when it comes to dream chasing. We get so bogged down with managing other people's reactions (often dreaming them up), and thinking about how other people are judging us, that when the good shit comes out way, we act like it's no big deal. (When it's a huge fucking deal).

So here's what's been going on in my head lately:

• I want to share about my adventure but I don't want to seem uber privileged and I've been really concerned about coming across like I've got everything sorted and my life is perfect. Because I don't and it's not.

• SO much stress and so much chaos but feeling like I can't talk about it because it would make me seem ungrateful

• I'm level 14757 excited, but I'm just not very good at showing it. I don't want to come across as sauntering all over the world without giving two pieces of flying monkey poo

We deserve to be happy. As creatives, as Type A or recovering Type A women, as people who are working really damn hard to put good shit in the world, we get to have happiness as well. I know so many of us work to make the world a brighter place for other people, but when something good happens, let's embrace ,

And here's the thing. We work really fucking hard to make our dreams happen. We deal with so much uncertainty, and sometimes life takes us in such a different direction that we think they're never going to happen.

And we make huge sacrifices for our dreams.

We often have to do things that break our hearts and go through periods which are really really scary.

All this is to say, when you get that bit closer to your dreams, or when you're starting to feel joy, don't be so concerned about making other people feel bad, or worrying what other people feel that you don't let yourself feel happy.

Quite frankly, the people in your life that can't be happy for you and are just shrouded with bitterness - they don't deserve to be a part of your big dream chasing adventure. You don't have to share everything with them, especially if they're dreamshitters. Find your own way to celebrate.

But if you're surrounded by people who support you, who love you and who want to see you fly, then share with them. They want to know! They want to join in the excitement with you.

I know I have such a loving and supportive community around That Hummingbird Life and The Couragemakers Podcast, and I'm excited to share my travels with you. I'm excited to share what I learn, how I grow, and all the things that I think are going to be helpful for you. I couldn't do this trip and not share it, because it's me and it's a huge dream I've been chasing for years.

So in the next week, I'm going to be sharing a really honest and detailed behind the scenes look at what it's taken to make this adventure a reality, how we've planned everything and what we've learned along the way.

5 really helpful tips for chronic worriers

I would say worrying is definitely one of my top 5 skills.

I can worry until the cow's come home. I can worry about ANYTHING. And I have a pretty creative imagination when it comes to turning a non-situation into something epic-ly awful.

And if you're anything like me, you also probably  have a tendency to overthink things and think of the worst possible outcome. I think so many of us passionate an creative souls do. And I think as women, we can be plagued with self doubt. 

Now, I definitely don't have the answer as to how to stop worrying. But I do know something about how to work with your mind to stop yourself going down the rabbit hole of extreme worrying and anxiety. 

So today I wanted to share some things that help me, because I've got a feeling they're going to help you too!

1. Distract yourself and don't judge yourself on what you distract yourself with.

This could be working, binge watching a TV programme, working with a friend through their problem, grabbing a new book. Anything that gives you a bit of escapism and some time out. If you find working helps you through things, watch out for exhaustion though.

2. Don't be hard on yourself if you're not productive.

This is a huge one. Our brains can only take so much. And worrying is EXHAUSTING. Believe me, I know this from experience. Worrying can take all your energy away and really reduce your capacity to make decisions, listen to people and do anything relatively productive. So be kind to yourself and take that pressure off yourself. You don't need it. Accept that shit is tough and remind yourself you're doing all you can.

5 really helpful tips for chronic worriers

3.Tell someone.

This really really helps me. Because when we go to that dark place, it is easy to think you're all alone. Especially at night. Sometimes by telling someone, you can come up with different ways to handle the situation, different perspectives on the situation, and sometimes find that you've been completely losing yourself in this nightmare you've ended up concoting for yourself. I bring Mr. Meg with me to all my doctors appointments. He can remind me everything went okay, and remember the information I'm told that I often lose through panicking.

4.Think of a plan.

This is really helpful, if like me, you're a planner and a fan of all things practical. Allow yourself to go to that worst case scenario place in your head, and think about the practicalities. Think what you could to to cope if that thing you're worrying about did come true. The fact of the matter is that you've survived a lot to be sat here today reading this. You have so many skills and tools to deal with situations. You're not out of your depth, you have everything in you to cope. And you would cope even if you cant see how right now.

5. Remind yourself you're not alone.

Every human experience is shared by many people. Though someone might not be in the situation you are, there are so many people out there talking about their story and how they got through it.

I'd love to know how you help yourself when you're worried and what works for you! Let me know in the comments!

Challenge: Shake things up & do something different

It's so easy get caught up in being so busy that everything else falls to the sideline. Especially when it comes to what we do in our downtime, when we have some. And it's so easy to get so caught up in managing the unique challenges that all of us have, that life can end up feeling really stagnant and we can end up feeling like we're trapped in groundhog day.

That could look like cooking the same meals every week, having an evening routine that gets stale (food, TV, bed) or occupying our days with the same things even though we know we'd prefer to be doing something else.

So I have a challenge for you this week: do something different. 

Challenge - Shake It Up & Do Something Different

If you love cooking and the weekly menu is looking a bit dire, find a new recipe. If you love reading but you've found yourself just binge-watching Netflix, find a book that you can't wait to read. If you find yourself checking emails endlessly at night, take email off your phone (I've just done this. Game changer) and instead actually relax. If you spend time looking through Pinterest looking at beautiful craft projects, start one.

So much of the time we get stuck in routines that are comfortable but don't make us particularly happy. But you can change that.

I don't mean making up the most elaborate bed time routine in the world (Meditation/Green Tea/Candles/ETC). What I mean is doing just one simple thing differently which is going to make you smile by the time you end the day.

That could be starting your day dancing around the room or chair dancing to your favourite smile. Reading a quote by your favourite author during a break. Picking a different drink from the menu. Phoning your friend instead of messaging. Wearing something you usually reserve for special occasions.

It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it makes you happy.

Sometimes by necessity, and sometimes by choice, our days can look pretty same-y,but that doesn't mean they have to be boring.

So pick your thing and let's see if we can make a life a bit more fun!

I'd love to know what you pick and how it goes. Let me know in the comments!

You Are Not Alone: On Self Care & Being An Entrepreneur

I used to think self care was hard. Impossible even. That was until I started working for myself, started my career as a freelancers/entrepreneur/small business owner/whatever the name of the day is. Then I started to think that it was another ball game completely. Before we go any further, I want to just make sure we're on the right page here. In this post, I'm not going to be guilt tripping you about how you should be investing in yourself, and how clients can't trust you if you're not investing in yourself first. I'm not going to be telling you that you're The Worst Entrepreneur Ever if you're struggling with self care (and haven't showered in three days). And I'm certainly not going to be telling you to take a fucking bubble bath.

So breathe your sigh of relief and know you're not alone in this.

Not by a very very long shot. We're in this together, you and me. What I hope happens by the time you've finished reading this two part series , is that you feel less alone, that you have a few practical tools you can use to start to slow down those spinning plates and that you can start to quit giving yourself such a hard time.

Back when I had a steady 9-5 job, I struggled to look after myself and prioritise myself. I found it hard to switch off, I was taking so much emotional shit home from work and nothing filled my cup. There was no joy, there was no relaxing. Instead there were to-do lists, giving out my time like it was going out of fashion, and putting everyone's needs before my own.

So I started working some of that shit out, and started blogging about self care, burnout and saying no. And I started to enjoy life. I started to notice the little things again. I started to explore what makes me ridiculously happy (a good book, notebook shopping, laughing until my belly aches, long walks in the park) and I started to feel like myself.

And it felt really good.

And then things changed. I left my job, I found myself working as a self employed freelance graphic designer, started doing more work to build That Hummingbird Life into a business (in progress) and started a The Couragemakers Podcast

And life is very different.

While sometimes I catch myself feeling so grateful that Dolly Parton's 9-5 doesn't ring true, I've noticed that I'm getting caught up in so much shitty negativity. I've noticed that I'm not been very good boss to myself, that I work myself too hard, that I've gone back to putting everyone else's needs in front of my own, and that I still don't have the most realistic expectations of myself.

And I know I'm not alone in this.

You are not alone - on self care and being an entrepreneur

So many of us start working for ourselves because we want the freedom, the ability to make our own decisions and we feel that working for ourselves will allow us to contribute to the world so much more than we were before.

But for recovering Type As like me, it can be a complete and utter shit show for a while. Because while we like our lists (especially in fun notebooks), and our plans, and our schedules and our ambition, we also have huge expectations of ourselves (that we would never dream of putting onto someone else), perfectionist tendencies and we struggle to have any kind of resemblance of work-life balance.

We work until we're ill, we get ill and we don't tell our clients (if we have them) because we don't want to let them down and we get worse, more cranky and more stressed, and life becomes hell.

We continuously beat ourselves up for not being able to achieve everything we set out to do in one day, completely ignoring the fact that the list probably wasn't achievable in the first place.

We start to look around us and start to believe that we're the only ones struggling because everyone has these beautiful photos of their office, everyone seems to be making more money than us and everyone seems to have their shit together. (Spoiler alert, they definitely do not).

We start thinking that we have to work every minute of every day, we start to get cranky with our loved ones because they just don't understand and we have a never ending to do list running circles in our brains like a Rick Astley song.

And this ends up in a horrible, horrible cycle.

A cycle of pushing ourselves too hard, reaching exhaustion, feeling guilty and continuing to push ourselves even though we don't feel like we physically can.

And it's nothing like that idea we had in our head. The idea of being in a mode of endless creativity, joy and freedom. Taking breaks and being liberated from our desks.

And that makes us feel even worse. And like we've failed.

No, I'm not reading your brain, I'm just in the trenches with you. This is some really hard shit to deal with. And you are not alone.

In becoming your own boss, you no longer have a job. Whether you're a creative, a freelancer, or small business owner, you have to run the whole show. Even if you do outsource, you have to oversee everything and make sure everything's happening. And if you don't outsource and it's not a possibility for you right now (raising my hand high in the air), you have to become an expert at administrative tasks, marketing, social media, product development, client management, project management and about a million other things.

That's huge fucking responsibility. Especially when for the most part you have no one checking to make sure you've done everything and it's completely up to you. You're essentially juggling so many plates that it might be worth trying out for Cirque du Soleil.

Yet not many people get how hard you have to work.

They don't realise how much pressure you're under and how much you have to do.

So before I share some practical things in the next post, I want to talk real, person to person. Because I have a feeling you need to hear this today.

You are not on your own. Even though you might feel like you're drowning, you're not. You are working as hard as you can. Everything you want to achieve is possible, but the journey might be slightly different than you imagined. You have so many skills and you're doing a killer job at combining them. You are really really appreciated, even if you don't feel it right now. Your work matters. But more importantly, you matter. And because you matter, something has to give. You have everything inside you that you need to put your vision into the world. And you need to extend your compassion that you have for the world and for your clients to yourself. Because there's only one of you. And that makes you a pretty fucking precious human being. A human worth loving and taking care of.

So for part one, I want you to read that reminder as many times as you need to. And really take it in. Because you're doing great. And you deserve some compassion.

Even though it might feel like it, none of us have our shit together. So let's let our shit hang out together.

I look forward to seeing you in Part Two next week, where I'm going to be sharing LOTS of practical tips, things for you to try out and things that have helped me.

I'd love to know if this post resonated with you. Let me know in the comments and let's start getting some of this out in the open!

You Don't Have To Be a Starving Artist (and here's why!)

I want to share with you something I've been struggling with for a long time. And that's this idea that you can only do the work you love if you're willing to be a starving artist. I come from the non profit world and I also have an activist background. So it'll come as no surprise that I have issues when it comes to making money.

What do I mean by issues?

I grew up believing, and still believe, that money, too much of it and lack of it causes problems and creates great inequality. I've done a lot of anti-poverty campaigning and I know enough about world politics to know that things are pretty fucked up for a lot of people often because of the few.

And I really struggled with the idea of being paid in a non profit for the work I was doing. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt, and felt that every penny that was going towards my wages had to be used in the best possible way, even if that led to be me being completely burned out and unable to do the work. Which it did. I've also seen far more beauacracy and wastage in that world than I care to admit.

So when I left that world and started working for myself, I was bringing a LOT of baggage with me. I still don't agree with charging your worth (because who goes around with a dollar charge above their head? We're not in The Sims) and I've really struggled with the idea that I can be paid for the things I love and that I'm good at.

But I'm starting to turn a corner.

But before I share that journey with you, I want to really explore how as mission driven creatives, we glorify this idea of being a starving artist until it becomes this kind of badge of honour.

It doesn't make sense.

I've been the starving artist. And believe me, as romantic as the notion sounds (we've all seen Moulin Rouge, right? Lying in bed naked with your lover, entwined reading poetry all day), I can tell you first hand that the reality of being a starving artist is not romantic. Unless you find late night walks to supermarket reduced aisles, arguing over reduced minced meat romantic. I personally don't.

I found that as my concern for how I was going to pay the bills grew every month, my creativity dwindled completely. As I struggled to make ends see each other, let alone meet, my dreams felt ridiculous. I mean my dreams would never make me money, so why bother, right? And as my brain started being over-run by the frantic possibilities of what could happen if we didn't make the money we needed to live on, there was no room left to be inspired, use my skills and strengths and see anything clearly.

But I'm starting to turn a corner.

People shouting shit about making six figures, or sell any old shit is never going to work for me. My values are completely different. And I think it's the same for you.

But that doesn't mean that there isn't a way for it to work for me or for you.

starving artist

Because we all need some sense of financial security and stability in order to show up in the world as we're meant to and bring our own creativity into the world.

I think we hold ourselves back so much, partly because the art of money-making doesn't always align with our values. Especially if a lot of our values centre around creativity, community and making the world a better place.

But I think there might be a way to do work that does pay while keeping to our values.

I've come across a term recently used by Tad Hargrave of Marketing for Hippies, and that's Radical Business.

It's this idea that actually, having a profitable business can help change the world. If you are mission driven and you value making the world a brighter place, then having a business which provides an income works on two levels:

1. You make enough money to be able to focus and create the things you love that need to be in the world. And in having that income, you can make the purchasing decisions you would like to. Like choosing to give money to causes you believe in, buying fair trade or buying from independent businesses.

2. You give people an alternative. And that alternative is embedded in their values, your values and provides a viable way to start shifting the profits from big companies who don't necessarily always put good shit in the world, and instead have those profits invested in making the world a brighter place.

I don't know about you, but that makes a whole lot of sense to me.

I would love to be able to buy from more independent businesses, support causes I believe in and have more options. But when you're scared and broke, there are very little other alternatives than to line the pockets of the companies whose values don't sit right with you.

If I ever employ anyone, I want to make sure I'm paying a living wage, something that makes someone feel valued as an employee instead of the lowest salary I can get away with.

And I want to be in a position where I feel I can make more choices. More choices that align with who I am and the world I want to live in.

So, over the next year, I'm going to be working to find a way to make That Hummingbird Life into a sustainable business model. A business that I feed and it feeds me, while upholding my values and working to make the world a much brighter place.

I don't know what that's going to look like. But I do know that it's going to be completely in alignment with my own value. Prices for any products or services are going to be accessible and I want to still putting content like this the podcast out there.

I have lots of exciting ideas and things I want to try out, but I don't have a clear plan right now.

But what I do know is this work is needed, and doing the work 'full-time' is going to give me the space to bring my crazy ideas to life and ultimately help to achieve my biggest goal which is spreading more courage and helping more unconventional women just like me and you believe that they matter.

I think we can hold ourselves back so much because we find the idea of making profits and making money as a bit of an icky subject.

But it can stop us from taking our plans seriously, and instead encourage both a martyr complex and also demean the value of how we view what we're doing. And both of those options suck.

And sometimes, it can stop our dreams in their tracks full stop.

And that's just plain shitty.

So join me in imagining a new way of looking at our work. One that validates our dreams but also validates our very human need to be able to pay the bills, feed ourselves and MORE at the same time.

Have you struggled in a similar way? Does this all sound familiar to you? Do you have a completely different perspective? Let me know in the comments!

11 Fun Ways to Build Your Self Confidence That You Won't Find In Cosmo

I've had quite a few confidence shattering experiences over the last five years. And there's a notable difference between how I presented myself five years ago than now. Somewhere along the way though , I learned that it's possible to love myself, that I'm much more introverted than I thought I was and that when you compare yourself to someone you once were, you're always going to see it with rose-tinted glasses.

I've been in soul sucking jobs, had managers that were vicious bullies, fallen out with friends, had people my life who made me feel like shit and other various experiences that I won't detail here because no matter how honest and vulnerably you share your life online, you have to have boundaries and draw a line in the sand somewhere.

These are tips you probably aren't going to read in Cosmo. And I'm guessing you're not a huge Cosmo addict because my site is pretty much as far away as you can get from it.

I don't write lists of 5 ways you can love yourself TODAY because I believe they're bullshit as much as I believe the sun is in the sky.

Instead these are small exercises and tiny and big actions you can take, that over a period of time and working on yourself, are going to help you build your confidence.

So if your confidence has been chipped, if you don't stand as tall as you once did, or if you never stood tall to begin with, I hope these can be valuable things you can do so you can greet the world in the eyes, to quote Macklemore, 'stare the world into its face' and claim your space in the world without apology.

1. Dress for the person you want to be

The idea of dressing for the job you want has been thrown around a lot lately. It's one of those pseudo empowerment, techniques that probably helps someone. While I think that leaves a lot to be desired, the idea of dressing for the person you want to be is a much better alternative.

I think we can all get into a habit with how we dress. Wearing stuff that is okay but doesn't really reflect who we are. Keeping to the same safe shapes, the same safe colours and not fully embracing who we are.

And I think that's especially true if you have your own issues around your body image. For me, I've put off buying clothes I LOVE for a long time, because I'm 'plus size'. I kept telling myself the quirky and beautiful clothes I want are attainable when I've lost the weight. But here's the thing. I've had an up and down relationship with my body for all of my life. I'm not suddenly going to drop all the weight, and even if I did, I deserve to have clothes I love NOW. In my head, the person I want to be dresses how I used to when I was thinner. Lots of colour, lots of accessories, and outrageous colour and pattern combinations. And I'm working to embrace that. When me and Mr. Meg go on our round the world adventure, we're going to need maximum versatility and clothes we love. I'm only taking a 45 litre rucksack, so the clothes I take, I need to love. Instead of buying loads of plain vests and leggings, I'm going to be rocking this killer dungaree flared skirt, this beautiful polka dot tea dress and glamming it up with one of these *gorgeous* vintage evening dresses (whenever I can decide on the print!)

How can you dress to be the person you want to be? Take a bit of time - what does she look like? Browse Pinterest, indulge yourself in finding clothes that reflect who you are as a person.

2. Look strangers in the eye

This can be pretty fucking terrifying. So many of us get hung up on worrying what other people think of us, but the truth is that most people are so concerned about themselves and having that same inner dialogue in their own head that they're probably not wondering why you bought that dress or how your stomach sticks out in your jeans.

And here's the fun bit. When you start to look people in the eye, you'll realise something. It's not as scary as you think. It doesn't kill you, you get a much better view. You get to see so much more than the pavement and pigeon shit.

And that has to be worth it in itself.

3. Go somewhere where no one recognises you

There's something so liberating about being somewhere that no one recognises you. There's a sense of freedom, that you probably won't see people you know, and that you probably won't see any of these people ever again. You can try out personas, walk with some serious swagger, dance and sing out loud to your favourite music, give people the eye and greet the world in the face. Of course you do this anywhere, but sometimes it helps to start in places completely familiar and build yourself up.

I love the George Bernard Shaw quote: "Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."

Explore who you can be. And have fun with it!

4. Take REALLY bad 'selfies'

My inside cringes at the word selfies, but there we go.

If you struggle with low self confidence, chances are you aren't best friends with the camera either.

I've got periods of my life where I have no pictures of myself. There are whole chunks of my life that remain visually undocumented because I hated the way I looked so much. And that's really sad. Because I didn't have any less of a story, and I was still living my life. I just hated myself to the point that I didn't think my face was worth documenting.

While you might never want to get to the stage where you're taking pictures of yourself and updating your profile picture every day, I think it's definitely worth starting to take photos of yourself and looking at them. We can become so disconnected with what we see in the mirror. The more you start to connect with your reflection, the greater chance of you finding things you love about your face.

I can say with joy that I love my eyes, my nose ring really makes me smile and I have a pretty hilariously big smile. And I can also tell you the things I don't like - the fat around my neck, my less than clear skin and my lack of dimples. But you know what? The things I love outweigh those negatives every day.

So start taking photos. Start with the ones that are so bad that they make you laugh. And somewhere along the way, I bet you'll start to find things you love too.

5. Start a Comfort Zone List

This is absolutely inspired by Anabel Roque Rodríguez and her own challenge that she shares on Couragemakers. Anabel and her friend both wanted to extend their comfort zones, so they came up with an amazing project to help them do it.

Every week, they would mail each other a couple of ways they were each going to challenge themselves to come out of their comfort zone. Sometimes it would be something as seemingly simple as talk to a stranger.

Why not start your own Comfort Zone List? By doing small actions every week and deliberately focusing on your comfort zone and how you're feeling, you're going to find yourself really proud of what you can achieve which will start to build your confidence in no time.

11 Fun Ways To Increase Your Self Confidence You Won't Find in Cosmo

6. Do something for you that is completely unrelated to your work or any goal

We're so busy that sometimes it can be really hard to justify doing things just for the fun of it. But I think there's something magical that happens when you do something just because you want to.

It makes you feel more in control of your own life, and reaffirms your subconscious that you do matter, and that your happiness is importance.

And it can be anything. Signing up to Borrow My Doggy and getting to know cute dogs in your neighbourhood, having a one person karaoke party, writing your own one person musical (this is on my 30 before 30 list and I'm still not sure how I'm going to pull it off!), or going outside in the pouring rain and let yourself get completely soaked. Or you could start a watercolour painting class, teach yourself to make your own shampoo or learn a new skill. Whatever appeals to you, even if you don't know why.

Whatever is fun for you - and you don't have to justify it, and it doesn't have to make sense to any one other than you - find time to do it. And enjoy it.

And if you don't know what you find fun - start exploring!

7. Stop apologising

I am a recovering chronic apologiser. I apologise for so much shit that has nothing to do with me.

Sorry [even though you bumped into me], sorry [for talking too much even though you asked me a question], sorry [for taking up my full seat on the train, that I have a right to sit in], sorry [for standing up for myself even if you did treat me like shit], sorry [for asking where my meal is even though I ordered half an hour ago], sorry [for interrupting you even though I told you I had to leave half an hour ago]. And the list goes on.

I might as well apologise for the sun fucking shining.

Jeez louise.

And here's the thing. It makes me feel like shit. Every time I do it, I then get annoyed at myself and then end up blaming myself and feeling stupid.

What a confidence crippling cycle.

So if you find yourself doing the same (because I know I'm definitely not alone in this), join me in challenging yourself not to apologise, unless you do something that really warrants it. Like accidentally poisoning your friend's cat, or being mean to someone you love.

You don't owe the world an apology for existing.

8. Get an outside perspective

This is something that's really helped me and it's much different (and better) than asking friends to name three good qualities about you, like so many places suggest.

Having a completely objective perspective can really make you view yourself, and your strengths in a way you didn't before.

In order to do this, I suggest three different online tests (in order of how helpful I think they are.

Clifton StrengthsFinder Test 

I found this one to be an absolute gamechanger. I'd thought of doing it for a while but resented having to pay (it's not very expensive - I did it by buying the kindle edition). But then I got chatting to Violeta Nedkova on Couragemakers about it, and decided it was worth giving a go.

And it SO was. After an extensive (but really fun) set of scenario based questions, you end the test with a breakdown of your top 5 skills (mine were activator, maximiser, connectedness, strategic and relator). Which is really cool in itself, but it gets better!

For each of your top five strengths, the test goes on to tell you how that strength helps you stand out, gives you questions, ideas for action *and* an action plan.

This test has really given me a new understanding of why I've really struggled with the jobs I've had. I can see that I needed to be working for progressive organisations, places where my creativity, strategic skills and leadership skills were valued and nurtured, and have the ability to really feedback my ideas on how to make the organisation a better place. And knowing that really helped heal some old wounds.

A lot of people find this test so transformative because it allows you to see what you thought were weaknesses, as strengths, and helps you see yourself in a completely different light.

The Fascination Advantage

This is another fun one, and again it's not free but I think there is a free quick version you can do here.

This quiz is all about how the world sees you, and while I didn't really discover anything new about myself, it was reaffirming and was a bit like a big accomplishment.

Something I did find however, is that it was SO helpful in understanding how Mr. Meg works. He did the test (yes, I made him!) and I now have such a better understanding of how his mind works and what motivates him.

And it turns out that not everybody works the same as me and is motivated by the same things. So that was a fun realisation!

And if you're wondering, my primary advantage was passion amd my secondary advantage was power which means my result is that I'm 'The People's Champion'.

Get ready to have a new epic name to call yourself after taking this test!

Free Personality Test Based on Myers Briggs* (it isn't THE Myers Briggs test, but a free version that a lot of people take instead)

So if you've seen people have a seemingly random acronym in their Twitter bio, this personality test is probably the culprit.

It's pretty similar in style to the Strengths Finder Test, but instead of telling you your strengths, it assigns you to one of 16 personality types. And it's pretty fucking accurate. And slightly too creepily true.

It is designed to work out :

How you interact with the world - Introverted (I) or Extroverted (E) How you interpret things - Sensing (S) or Intuitive (I) How you make decisions - Thinking (T) or Feeling (F) How you deal with the outside world - Judging (J) or Perceiving (P)

And once you do the test, you get your acronym. There are 16 different combinations and each are completely different. And completely fascinating. And you end up with a long description that basically sums you up better than anything ever has.

If you're curious, I'm an INFP, and it seems like a lot of people I really relate with are as well!

These three tests are great at building confidence because they help give you a deeper understanding of you. And you might find yourself nodding along in agreement with some pretty incredible things about yourself.

9. Laugh for no reason

A random fact about myself, is that a couple of years ago, I trained as a laughter yoga instructor. If you're wondering what laughter yoga is (it's not some fantangled way of moving your body, it's mainly about breathing and the amazing health impacts laughter gives us), you can see it in practice here with Dr. Madan Kataria, who started the laughter yoga movement.

As well as laughing myself silly until I felt like I couldn't move, I learned so much about how laughter helps us in every day life. From how it helps boost our immune system, how it helps us connect with people, to how it helps us to build resilience.

And here's the best part of all.

Your body and mind don't know the difference between fake laughing and real laughing. So you get the exact same outcomes from making yourself fake laugh as you do when you have a really good laugh with a friend.

Now, this might take a bit of getting used to, and feel downright bizarre when you first start, but once you've got over that first hiccup, you'll find that it can have great effects on your mood and confidence.

So try it out. I recommend starting with a simple breathing technique 'Ho, ho, ha, ha, ha' and taking it from there.

Believe me, it works, and it's a lot of fun!

10. Do something that really scares you, that you wrote off as something you might do ONE DAY

I think it's really easy to divide the world into things we want to do that are in the realm of possibility and the things we'd love to do that we'll probably never do.

And I think there's a massive amount of confidence that can be gained by making those things that are bucket list items, or things that we think we'll do one day into reality.

And those things can be the big scary things, and they can also be tiny things. Because what's big and scary for you, might be easy to someone else, and what's piss-easy for you might be a huge deal to someone else.

But the main difference is doing them instead of thinking about them. Recruit a friend, set yourself a challenge, take the leap and trust the net will be there to catch you.

Because life is here to be lived. And you have the power to make that happen.

11. Show Up

My last tip is the biggest and probably the hardest. And it encapsulated a lot of what I've already spoken about.

And that's to show up, claim your motherfucking right to exist, and dare to do the things that make you happy.

Because you have every right to show up. And sometimes we all need the reminder that we're not here to shrink away, keep our thoughts to ourselves and look at the ground. We're not here to apologise for taking up space, to hide our brilliance and to shy away from what makes us unique.

You have so many things that make you stand out. And you have a combination of skills, strengths and personal quirks that no one else has.

You don't have any competition, because no one can do what you do in the way you do it.

And that's pretty fucking special.

I hope this list has given you some inspiration and practical ways to start building your own confidence.

Stop apologising for existing, start laughing, embrace your personality, smile at strangers, and stand a bit taller.

Surprise yourself.

You have so much to give the world and the world needs to hear your story.

And anyone who has made you think any different, can quite frankly shove it.

I would love to know any fun ways you've used to build your confidence, or how you got on trying these ideas out for yourself! Let me know in the comments!

Thank you to the lovely Tiffany Pratt for letting me use this beautiful photo. Credit for interior design and styling goes to Tiffany Pratt and photography rights go to Tara McMullen.

Pep Talk: Be The Heroine In Your Own Adventure Story

Here's a truth for you: I have spent my whole life wanting to write about women who go on adventures. Women who decide to choose themselves and follow their own path, wherever it takes them. Women who buy a one way plane ticket and greet life with a smile and a fuck it attitude. Women who go where the wind takes them find themselves. Women who go out and chase their dreams like their life depends on it. I've spent my whole life wanting to write about these women, but now something is different.

Instead of reading about these fictional heroines, I'm meeting them, chatting to them, interviewing them about their incredible journeys, about both the shit and the giggles and what it took to get them to where they are today.

And somewhere along the way, instead of writing about fictional characters who go on adventures to find themselves, I became a real life version.

And **shit ** is that equal parts terrifying and exciting at the same time.

I've spent so much of my life in a deep sense of longing. Longing to be someplace different, longing for a different life, longing for adventures and longing to be the fictional heroine who lives in my imagination.

And it's really hard to believe that I am becoming her.

In just over three months time, me and Mr. Meg will be leaving the UK to have our own adventure. We'll be spending three months in the US, dancing ourselves silly, eating our way around the country and sleeping on strangers couches in cities we've only dreamt of.. Then after a short visit back home, we'll be off to India, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam and Indonesia for six months to see some of the most beautiful places in the world, massively expand our point of reference and really open our minds and our lives. And the future? It looks a little something like this:

I don't know what memories I'm going to make. I don't know what crazy stories I'm going to come back with. I don't know what's going to inspire me, and what I'm going to learn about myself.

But what I do know is this: In a year's time, when I'm thinking about writing about women who go and have their own adventures, it's going to be with a completely different set of references and experiences.

It's going to be from the point of view of someone who chose herself and chased after her dreams as well.

Because if I don't choose myself, it will never happen. I would have just been stuck longing and wondering over the what ifs. Those fictional characters in stories I've yet to write would get more developed, their dreams more real than mine ever could be and my dreams would be just that. A story that's waiting to be written, which might never have been written.

I'm slowly realising that I don't have to sit on the sidelines. I don't have to reserve these epic adventures, stories and memories. I can go and make my own. And you can too.

I'm realising that it's not about doing it after this, or when I'm this, or when this happens.

And it's not just reserved for other people.

We get to have our own adventures. We get to choose our own adventures.

And that feels pretty liberating to write for the first time.

And these adventures, these dreams? They're going to be different for each and every one of us.

And that's some pretty fucking epic shit right there.

So, take a bet on yourself, dare to believe in your dreams and chase them. And become a person who's autobiography you would love to read. Because deep down, you know what you want, and you can get there.

It takes a shitload of courage, but you can do it.

Let's do this together and commit to living the lives of our heroines, instead of writing them.

The 'secret' to getting creative work done and chasing your dreams

When I first started writing, at a very young age, I was obsessed by how other writers achieved success. What writing habits did they adopt? Where did they write? Did they type or hand write? How did they map their novels? What kind of pen were they using? I thought this knowledge was the secret to my own writing success. If only I could find something that sounded like it could work like me. If I kept researching their habits, reading interviews and trying to uncover their secrets, then I could achieve the same success. Or I could get out of my writer’s block (oh, the irony). Either way, I thought it was a bit of a magic hack to the success that I wanted to happen.

It took me years to work out that was bollocks.

(Hopefully you get that the title was ironic!)

But it didn’t feel like it at the time. It felt like the way to go about things. I thought I was doing the sensible thing. I thought it would make me feel more inspired and keen to get on with my own work.

It didn’t. It blocked me like a toilet at Glastonbury.

I was copying all these things famous authors were doing, but they weren’t working.

New pen. Check

New notebook. Check

Wake up early and write. Check

Wake up late and write. Check.

Attempt to plot novels on napkins. Nearly.

I was SO obsessed with having a routine and word count that I was writing a grand total of jack shit.

And when I did have an idea, I would obsess over whether it could work to the point that in my head the idea turned into this ridiculous thing that was never going to work out.

I didn’t write for a long time.

I bought new notebooks, like I could purchase hope and inspiration in cold hard cash. After the first page, they lay completely empty. A beautiful reminder of my inability to believe in myself.

That was until I started this blog. I didn’t even think about the fact that I was writing. I just let words tumble out onto the laptop, in a way that made sense to me.

I started to think more about life, and write about what I saw. I had so much to say that I knew someone needed to hear other than me.

And I left that world of authorship, obsessing and watching other writers become successful. Instead, I started to focus on what needed to come out of me. Because SHIT was there a lot of stuff.

And along the line I realised something.

There is no hack. There is no special habit or routine. There is no one way of going about it. JK Rowling started out just like me and you. An urge to put her shit into the world.

So there is no hack. But there is a difference.

And that lies in actually getting on with it and doing the work. 

Maybe that's the big secret.

The problem with looking to other highly successful creatives is that we don’t see the unpublished works. We don’t see the really bad first drafts. We don’t see the amount of paper or documents that got sent to the trash can.

And we don’t realise that they’re just doing something that they found works for them. They got to a point where they too were able to block off the noise and just do the work.

And they worked fucking hard.

To borrow the words of Macklemore:

The greats weren’t great because at birth they could paint,

The greats were great cause they paint a lot

And when we look to other people, we get so sucked into what works for them that we completely forget what works for us.

And whether we realise it or not yet, we know a lot about what works for us.

Have a look at the following questions and you’ll be surprised that you know more than you think about what works for you

What time of the day do you feel more inspired?

What do you feel the urge to do? It doesn’t have to make sense

What motivates you?

Why do you want to do the work/create what you want?

Do you like typing or handwriting ideas?

Do you work better with music?

Does the environment make a difference to you? If so, what helps?

You have all the answers inside you. But first of all, it starts with doing the work and turning down the noise; the noise of what everyone else is doing, what they’re achieving, what their process looks like. Everything.

Focus on you.

Part of being a trailblazer is doing things because they make sense to you.

Start with that.

Whether you own an online business, design stationary, write books or want to do you own thing, whatever that looks like, what can you do RIGHT NOW to reduce the noise and listen to yourself?

Walking on Custard & My Own Mental Health Journey

Sometimes you watch or read something and it knocks the wind out of you. You wonder where it’s been all your life.

And you have a new way of understanding yourself.

And you feel less alone.

That’s what happened when I first saw Neil Hughes’ TED Talk about walking on custard and anxiety.

I’ve struggled with a toxic combination of obsessive compulsive order, anxiety and depression as long as I can remember. Some of them would come up every now again. Others, like my OCD remained consistent like the feeling you have after you eat a whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

I used to put it down to teenage growing pains and angst, but there’s only so far you can get into your twenties until you start realising perhaps that’s not the whole story?!

And it’s not something I’ve massively talked about publicly.

Not because I haven’t wanted to, but because some things are hard to put into words. I’ve been open here about how being an activist and needing to leave the world of activism had a huge impact on my mental health, but that’s only a bit of it.

So today I want to share with you some things that I got really good at that you didn’t know. Things that I never planned at getting good at but came free with my mental health issues, like a really shit boomerang in a kids magazine. You never wanted it but they gave you it anyway.  Some of these things are still relevant today but thankfully, on most days, these skills stay unused.

• How AMAZING I am at ignoring the weird looks people have given me when I have to check to things 21 times to the count of 7, and repeat three times.

• Fast counting in my head. SHIT I am good at that. And I’m SO good at forgetting whether I did it properly so doing it all over again. And again.

• Convincing myself I’m unable to leave the house/go to the doctors/go to the shop because I do’t feel like I’m able to

• Laughing it off really hard and convincingly when someone makes me feel like shit

• The success rate of friendships being sometimes massively affected by my mental health

• How excellent I am at creating completely hypothetical situations that involve losing the people around me

• Convincing myself that said hypothetical situations are going to happen

• Making up excuses not to shower

There was a time when I used to the fear that if people knew how great I am at those things, then things would change. Perhaps people wouldn’t listen to me? I’d be put in a box? I’d be asked who I am to talk about what I talk about when I haven’t got my own shit together.  And there was some shame. (Because shame is EVERYWHERE.)

But I know it’s important to share your shit as well as the good stuff.

And I know only too well I’m not alone in this struggle. It seems like most creatives and mission driven people struggle with their mental health at one time or another. So, thank you Neil for encouraging me to share my own story. And for being a fucking hero for sharing ways you’ve found to re-train your brain.

If you struggle with your mental health, I can’t recommend Neil’s talk enough.

And for those of you who walk on custard (now you’re curious to watch the talk!), I’m waving and shouting hello from my own sticky mess.

https://youtu.be/bM06o26PCDQ

Read this if you've ever felt like a fraud

I want to talk about something today that we don’t really like to talk about, or admit. We all feel like frauds.

Who am I to be doing this?

Why should someone pay me attention/money to do this? 

What if they find out that I feel like a mess and discover I’m a massive fraud?

Who do you think you are to do this? What makes you qualify to have a voice on this?

How long is it going to be until someone finds out, and then I’m done. I’m going to lose it all.

What if my boss/friend/client going to find out they chose the wrong person?

I’m not an expert!

I’ve had these thoughts, you’ve had these thoughts, and even John Green feels like a fraud and like he doesn’t know how to write a novel.

Sometimes it feels like a ‘guess what celebrity I am’ post it note stuck on your forehead that you’re desperately trying to hide.

(You can breathe a huge sigh of relief that you’re not alone now!)

And I think there’s a good reason many of us feel like frauds.

It comes from a place of good intention.

We’re mission driven, we want to help people, and our inner perfectionists want us to do the The Best Job Ever.

We’re given so many reasons to listen to the voice inside us that tells us we’re not good enough, that when we put something in the world, when we try something, our imposter voice comes out to keep us in check.

Because for so many of us, we don’t want to let people down, we don’t want to be seen as conceited, we don’t want to wave our expertise or our own strengths around like a bra at a Macklemore gig.

Instead, we worry like hell.

We worry that we’re not doing a good job, counter to what anyone else is telling us. We convince ourselves that the people who support us and encourage us don’t know our secret; the full story - the one where we’re a MASSIVE IMPOSTER.

(And sometimes, when things get really shitty, we can convince ourselves that people don’t mean their compliments, they’re doing it just to make us feel good, or because they pity us. Hello, crippling self-doubt!)

We all have our own fraud stories. Every single one of us. We’ve all had those thoughts, and we’ve all unintentionally and sometimes intentionally kept ourselves back because we feel like a massive fraud.

My own fraud story 

When I started That Hummingbird Life, it was primarily about recovering from burnout and self care. And I used to beat myself up so much about getting burnt out. Fucking hell did I give myself a hard time when I myself got burnt out.

When I first started, I’d just recovered from a couple of serious burnout episodes and had found things that helped me.

For the first time in my life, I saw the value in taking time for myself, the value in putting myself on my priority list, and I started to say no to things, do things that made my heart sing and generally remember that I am valued and I actually matter.

And I learned SO much from that process. It was a complicated, messy, human process and I shared a lot of it. I wanted to share my journey, share things I found invaluable, and share my struggle.

But it turns out it takes longer than a couple of years to un-do learned behaviours we’ve been repeating over and over again our entire lives (help everyone, say yes, just keep going, practice makes perfect).

So I would still burnout. But there was a difference. It wasn’t so hard, and it didn’t take me as long to bounce back. Each time was getting quicker, because I’d built resilience and tools that I know worked for me to help me deal with it.

But at the time, I wasn’t focusing on how I was doing. All I could feel when I did burnout was how much of a fraud I was, and I felt guilty. I thought it made me a hypocrite.

I thought I was an absolute fraud. And a failure. 

The thought that kept going round in my head was  who am I to think that I could help other people, if I still get trapped in the burnout cycle and struggle with self care.

And it really chipped at my confidence. I found it harder to blog and share things that had helped me because I felt like I wasn’t doing it 100% right myself.

I found it harder to blog and stopped offering coaching completely, even though I know I helped many people because of my experience and because I was good at what I did.

With The Couragemakers Podcast, the same familiar thoughts came back to me.

But something changed.

At some point down the line, I figured that everyone has these feelings, and they’re a safety mechanism to keep us in our comfort zones, and to keep us from thinking we’ve got ‘too big for our boots’.

That doesn’t mean to say I never feel like a fraud anymore. Far from it!

I even thought who am I to be writing about fraud? Several times through writing this.

If you’ve got passionate bones in your body, if you genuinely want to help people and put good shit in the world, you’re going to feel like a fraud at some point.

Not necessarily all the time, maybe it’s just fleeting. But we all feel it.

No matter what your work, your passion project - whatever it is you’re putting in the world - is, feeling like a fraud is a part of it.

But being human is even more a fundamental part of it.

If you’re doing something because you experienced it and found something that works for you and want to share it, then that is a completely valid way of helping people. (And it’s also worth remembering that we write what we most need to hear; we work on the things that heal us.)

Experience is a completely valid place to create from.

And experiences are never simple. There’s never a point A or a point B. There’s a couple of salsa steps forward then sliding backwards on your arse.

The fraud is the person who stands there and says they no have zero problems.

The fraud is the confidence coach who tells you they are now 110% completely happy in themselves, that they can establish effective boundaries for every single relationship they have and no longer struggle with self doubt, whatesoever anymore.

The fraud is the person who stands up with the fairy godmother transformation and preaches that they’ve completely figured it out and they don’t struggle anymore.

The fraud is the person that promises you unrealistic fantasies that they pass off as real life.

The fraud is the person that tells you their life used to be awful but now it’s the most amazing fucking thing they could ever fucking imagine.

The fraud is NOT YOU.

You feel like a fraud because we all do.

Because you care.

Because you know deep down you have something of immense value to add to the world, but your first instinct is to keep you safe (in the comfort zone).

You are anything, but alone.

What would you create if no-one was judging?

Life Lesson 1: Good ideas always come in the shower. Especially when you’re singing loud to ‘Go Your Own Way’ (this version is the best!) Life Lesson 2: Not everyone cares if you go your own way. They might not care about what you do in general.

Stay with me on this one. You know I’m not one to throw shit around on a Friday morning.

You and me. We’re passionate people. We want to put good shit into the world. But sometimes we get stuck. We get so worried about what other people might think about what we’re doing and who will see our work that it almost feels paralysing. Sometimes it is. (Writer’s block ring any bells?)

We can get so preoccupied with what other people think.

How they’re going to judge us. What our work says about us as a person. Whether it’s good compared to someone else. Whether someone will think we could have done it better. Whether people are going to share it. Whether it will move people. Whether someone will raise their head and make an ugly comment.

And sometimes we’re worried about ‘people’ in general. This mysterious entity that we talk about like they’re sat looking over our shoulder at any minute, ready to point their finger at us and shout ‘fraud!’

And other time it’s specific people. Family members. Old friends. The people who bullied us at school. People we fell out with a while ago. Colleagues. Competitors.

Whoever they are, it’s fair to say that we dedicate a lot of our time to worrying what they are going to think.

And that’s time we can never get back.

Time that we could have been spent doing things that set our hearts on fire. Time spent reading a book that inspires us to start a project we’ve never thought of before. Time that could have been spent doing the work. 

And I want to save you time in the future by telling you something that took me a long time to learn, but really helped me to turn a corner:

They don’t care as much as you think they do. They might not even care. We might not even be on their radar.

It's a truth that’s a bit like a bitter pill to swallow: No one cares more about what you’re doing with your life more than you do. (The truth will set you free!)

And to be clear here, I’m not talking about your audience, the people who you help (though we could do with stopping worrying so much about them as well). Because when your heart is in the right place and you’re doing the work that matters, you help and inspire people without even realising it.

When I first launched That Hummingbird Life, it was like taking a sharp intake of breath and waiting for all of the negative comments from people in my life that I hadn’t seen for years.

And they didn’t happen.

And it’s been the same for every single thing I’ve done since.

And when you don’t hear anything from them regardless of what you do, it becomes a hell of a lot easier to stop caring what they think and to stop worrying. And sometimes you get to a place where you’re putting yourself out there without even a second thought of them.

I think we get stuck waiting for permission.

We get stuck in this place where we think everyone in our life is going to judge you. (If they do and they’re a dreamshitter, read this).

But here’s the thing that really matters. What you do with your life, what you create, and how you spend your time - these are things that concern mainly one person - you. And there’s only one person who is truly invested in this and this makes a difference to on an everyday level - you.

So take a step back, and ask yourself: If I stopped worrying about all these people, right now, what would I focus on? What would I create? What would I dare to try.

And let yourself be surprised by the answers.

I'd love to know what your answers are in the comments!