Why It Doesn’t Matter What Other People Think Of You (Told via a pizza analogy)

We live in a world of shoulds. 

We spend so much of our time thinking about what decision we should make, what we should do with our lives, our time, our money, our skills, our every minute. 

And that’s not even touching on the minefield of what we think others think we should do when it comes to all of those things.

It’s exhausting.

More often than not, our shoulds feel heavier than any rucksack we could carry.

I’ve lived a lot of my life blindly believing that what other people think of me matters. I’ve lived with the weight of it, I’ve made silly decisions because of it and it’s taken up too much of my headspace when I could have been doing things that were so much more fun.

So today I want to take some of the rocks out of that rucksack by sharing a truth (and a bizarre pizza analogy) with you:

You are never going to meet someone else’s expectations of you.

If you’re anything like me, you might have bulked a bit when you read that. It sounds a bit brash, so let me explain: 

You are never going to meet someone’s expectations of you because their expectations aren’t even about you.

Other people’s expectations are a reflection of their priorities, their values, their preferences, their life circumstances, sometimes their stake in the matter and definitely their own shit.

Let me explain using the story about a fictional pizza: 

The Pizza Analogy

Me and a friend go out for pizza. She’s been telling me about this great pizza chain she’s been to that does the best pizza and it sounds like a lovely evening. 

So we go there, and it’s alright, but I’m disappointed. It’s too fast paced, the lighting is too bright, their taste in music is way too cool for school, I feel rushed and it’s in a part of town I don’t really like. The pizza is average at best and bloody expensive. I couldn’t really get the toppings I wanted and they only do sourdough pizzas which I don’t particularly like.

---

Reading this, you might be thinking that it doesn’t sound like a great place (or maybe I’m too fussy and sound like a right Moaning Myrtle)

But that’s not the case, because it’s just about my own projections and my own shit based on of all of those things I mentioned:

• PRIORITY - I didn’t like the busy-ness of the place  because I wanted to spend quality time with a friend in a chilled out environment where we could really catch up
  

• PREFERENCE - I didn’t like the bright lights because I personally find lamps more relaxing, ditto the music playing
  

• MY OWN SHIT/MEMORIES/EXPERIENCES - I didn’t like the area because I used to go to university there and it reminded me of a time when I was really unhappy and lonely
  

• LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES - I found it expensive because I’ve been trying to live frugally and pay off some debt
  

• VALUES - I begrudge paying money to a chain that I don’t really care for that I know doesn’t give a shit about where they buy their ingredients of how fairly they pay their workers 
  

• STAKE IN THE MATTER -I know Mr. Meg makes the best pizzas in the world 
  

And that’s without even talking about the pizza itself! (I’m getting way too invested in this imaginary pizza evening)

Why am I telling you all this?

You’ll notice that nothing I said about the place makes it bad - they didn’t spit on my food, no one was rude, the pizza was perfectly okay, it turned up cooked okay and tasted alright.

It’s just that it didn’t match what I was looking for. 

It wasn’t bad, it was just different.

And that’s the same for you:

Whether you match people’s expectations or not is not reflective of your value or worth as a humans.

What other people think about you simply isn’t a reflection of you: it’s about them.

And whether we like it or not, we all project our own stuff onto things, that’s what comes with all of us seeing life through our own unique lens.

Here’s the thing, though: you were not made to be anybody’s perfect pizza.

You will not be everyone’s perfect slice of pizza, but more than that, you shouldn’t expect yourself to be everyone’s perfect slice of pizza.

Whether they expect you to be is another matter entirely, but as the fabulously unique pizza you are, I’m telling you, that their opinions don’t mean shit about YOU.

(Also, you might find some people who think you are the best damn pizza they’ve ever come across - I hope you do - and while that’s wonderful, don’t let that define you either.)

I believed other people when they told me that my map and my internal compass was wrong and I should go with theirs instead. Hell, I’ve driven so far in that direction that by the time I’ve realised I’m not on the right route for me, it’s taken three times as long to go back to that crossroads. 

All because I thought that their expectations and opinions of me had something to do with me.

But they don’t and they never have.

So take this new truth and let that liberate you:

Other people’s expectations are a reflection of their priorities, their values, their preferences, their life circumstances, sometimes their stake in the matter and definitely their own shit.

Read that sentence again, memorise it and tattoo it onto your eyeballs. 

Drop that off you to worry about list and spend more time on other things that are going to matter.

Do you struggle with what other people think of you? Are you frustrated by other people’s expectations of you? Did this slightly bizarre pizza analogy resonate with you? Let me know in the comments below!

Public Service Announcement: It’s Time To Take Off Your Mask

As a society there seems to be a pre-defined notion of how you’re expected to react to certain situations, how each emotion is ‘supposed’ to look and feel like and when you should feel each one.

And without consciously thinking about it, you extend this to other people and decide how you think they should feel or should act. (Everyone does this, you’re not on your own).

And I can’t help but think sometimes how messed up this is.

How sometimes instead of focusing on a problem at hand, or being in the present -no matter how exhilarating or heartbreaking it is – you lose the moment because you get too caught up in your head about what you’re supposed to do, think and feel.

It’s like the whole human experience becomes this censored alternative reality and the things you genuinely feel, think and want to do exist as part of this unseen underworld.

But what would the world be like if you stopped judging yourself and started validating yourself more?

What would it be like if you started to say what you feel see that you have so much more of a choice than you think you do?

What would it be like if you dropped the ‘should’s and started working on accepting the reality instead?

We all strive for authenticity but how authentic can you be when you’re constantly berating yourself and measuring yourself up against what you think you should do, or what is expected of you, or how you think you should feel?

We only have so many spins around the sun – isn’t it time we collectively took off our masks?

Because that’s what it is – a mask.

So, let’s dare to validate ourselves and not give a shit what other people think.

Let’s get ridiculously curious about what we really want for ourselves and who we could be without this rigid set of expectations we put on yourselves.

Let’s peel the edges off the mask together.

And take ourselves out of the cages we’ve unwittingly built for ourselves.

The Five Things I Ask Myself When I Sit Down To Plan Each Week

I remember chatting to the wonderful Kaite Welsh before we recorded her episode for The Couragemakers Podcast, about planning, balance and about goal-setting and she told me about her wonderful Sunday night planning routine.

And I am a fucking nerd for planning, but it blew my mind.

I love to plan but I’d never thought of sitting down on a Sunday night, making it part of a really nice routine and bringing a lot more clarity and focus into my life.

So me being me, I thought about it for a while. I started to think about how I could best implement it for myself, and it’s been a huge goal of mind since moving to Liverpool to actually set up routines that give me what I need to live my own version of a wholehearted life.

I can honestly say I don’t know why I haven’t been doing this my whole life.

I wake up on Monday feeling more ready to approach the week rather than deer stuck in headlights not knowing where to turn first.

So today I want to share with you what my current planning looks like on a Sunday night. I know it will change as time goes on, but I think it’s a pretty good start.

Now I start with a two-page spread.

On the left-hand side I write my goals for the week. On the second page I have a page for reviewing the week gone by so I can remember it, record what works well and celebrate the shit out of my small wins.

I begin my planning process with that second page and look at the week gone by, and I have five main categories:

• Proud of — a space to record small and big wins that week. A major boost when motivation is low

• What went well — here I write the things that I managed to do that week to look back on and see what is actually making a difference

• Things to improve — I like to see this all as a bit of an experiment in finding what works for you and it’s good to have things to improve on so you can tweak the experiment.

• Lessons to take forward — there’s lessons in everything and I find myself re-learning the same bloody lessons over and over again. This is my attempt to try and start noticing and learning the first time round!

• Self- care — because self-care is important and you actually need to check-in with yourself regularly to put in back on your radar and notice when you’re depleted!

• Memories — what is life without memories? It’s okay trying to be seriously productive, but this reminds me to live as well

Once I’ve done the reflection for the week gone by, I know if for example I need to massively up my self-care, if I need to really focus on a to-do item that just isn’t getting done, and I can start prioritising and organising on what I know to work for me.

For the planning, I create five big boxes with these titles:

• Area of focus — this is where I record what I’m really working on this week. For example this week is about actually doing the work and chipping away at a big list of things to do)

• 3 Main Goals — this keeps things concrete and measurable, and when I’m feeling overwhelmed or can’t remember what’s most important, I can go back to this

• Why they’re important — This is the section I most often flip back to every week. On this week’s plan, I have ‘I’m so nearly there, I just have to finish. This is how business works — finish things!). Goals without a why don’t work for me

• Bear in mind — I think this is the most important section. It’s a place for me to be compassionate and mindful to myself of the other things I have going on in my life as well. It’s a bit like writing to your future self and remembering that everything doesn’t need to be solved in a day and that you often have a lot of things to juggle

• Personal/Other — a simple place to record things like doctors appointments, remembering to book things and other things that easily get forgotten amongst the busy-ness!

Time really can get ahead of us without us knowing, and being intentional and creating just twenty minutes a week to sit down, set your focus and also reflect on the week gone by is going to make your life work so much more for you.

The way I see it, this is all an experiment, and when you’re running an experiment, you need to set your parameters, make notes and learn from what works and what doesn’t so it will be even better next time.

This is how I plan my week, and I’m curious to see how it will change and adapt in the future.

But I’m more curious to hear whether you plan your day. If you do, how you plan your day? And if you don’t, what’s been putting you off?

Let’s chat about it in the comments! :)

A simple trick for when you’re feeling uninspired or lacking ideas

First of all, let’s dismantle some bullshit that is sold to creatives. Let’s un-do some rules that often go unchallenged:

1. Not everything you do needs to be the world’s best idea, completely original or never thought of before. It doesn’t work that way.

2. Getting inspired by someone else’s work or taking inspiration from it doesn’t make your creativity any less valid or make you a fraud

3. Feeling uninspired doesn’t make you a shit creative person; it makes you human.

 

4. Time spent thinking is as creative as time spent getting creative with your hands.

Phew, that took some pressure off, right?

Here’s the thing:

You’re going to have days you feel uninspired. You’re going to have times where you literally can’t think of any ideas, and you’re going to have days where that feeling makes you feel shitty.

But sometimes the cure for your lack of inspiration is doing it anyway.

And I’ve found something really helpful:

Instead of starting with a blank canvas every time, start with someone else’s work and adapt it yourself. Like Austin Kleon says, ‘steal like an artist’.

Obviously don’t plagiarise and of course attribute copyright where necessary, but don’t be afraid to take inspiration.

If you’re a writer, find a story you love and continue it or write it from another character’s perspective, or write it in a different universe.

If you’re an artist, collage the fuck out of a magazine.

If you sew, find a patterned cushion cover and make it more you — eg. my current project!

Take the intimidation away from the blank canvas and start somewhere.

Start anywhere.

The most important thing is that you start.

Use your brain, use your hands and use your heart.

Then see what follows.

Don’t apologise for what makes you happy and excited

I get beyond excited about printers.

About long arm staplers.

About dogs in the park.

About craft stores that have a huge range of things.

About prawn puree from our favourite takeaway.

About entering my office/studio every day and feeling overcome with a massive sense of gratitude.

About walking to the park and immediately filling with relief when I see the trees.

About notebooks, stationery and art shops.

About music so loud it beats in my heart.

About Macklemore.

About libraries, books and beautiful magazines.

About sunny days filled with a breeze and Mr Meg.

About lying in on Sunday mornings and having a bacon baguette with extra ketchup.

About a lot of these things that wouldn’t make it anywhere near your list.

And that’s the point.

Don’t be ashamed of what brings you joy.

Macklemore, dogs and notebooks bring me more joy than I could ever tell you.

That sentence brings me a lot of joy alone.

Quit feeling goofy of embarrassed about what makes you happy.

The list only matters to you.

Share away with pride and be grateful for the things that light you up brighter than anything else.

The Problem With Self-Care

NB: When I started That Hummingbird Life 4.5 years ago, I started it as an online home for burnt-out women with the mission of helping women who always put themselves last realise that self care wasn’t selfish. It’s fair to say things were different then. Self-care wasn’t the trendy thing it is now (#selfcare). It felt revolutionary: it wasn’t a common turn of phrase, it was more of a wake-up call and a form of protest. I have since developed take a much more feminist-stance on self-care and this piece is a reflection on how the self-care has been co-opted (for the worse) and a call-to-arms for a new movement.

As women we’re fighting a range of visible and invisible battles every single day. Against ourselves, for ourselves and everything in between.

We’re socialised as women to put ourselves last, taught to hate every part of ourselves while simultaneously told that we’re worth it (in the name of spending money to fix our ‘flaws) and repeatedly told we can have everything and do everything but are met with criticism, trolling and dreamshitters no matter what we choose.

(Case in point: I had a bit of a rant on Twitter the other day about my decision to be childless-by choice and how everyone I know warns me against getting a dog because of the commitment but would only be too happy for me to announce I was pregnant. It sparked a great conversation with women who had children who told me I wasn’t alone in facing the criticism. One woman told me how when she had one daughter she was told she was selfish for only having one, and then when she had another girl , was constantly reminded that they needed a brother. WE CAN’T FUCKING WIN.)

And I think there’s a new battle on the horizon: self-care.

In the last couple of years, self-care has started becoming a trendy buzzword that it never was before.

Before it was conversations about how we’re not superwomen and learning to say no. It was about learning to ask for help and setting boundaries, and making time for ourselves.

Don’t get me wrong, in the last ten years there have been some amazing projects and people who I only wish had been around when I needed them the most. Magazines like Flow, In The Moment and Project Calm. Women like Christy Tending and Rachel Daisy.

But they’re the minority. Now it’s an Instagram hashtag to be thrown around and rather than a solution, it seems to have become a problem. A problem that is perpetuating the bullshit notions of patriarchy that we’ve been fighting against for years. (If you don’t believe me, go look at #selfcare on Instagram.)

On a society level, so many of the conversations about wellness or self-care we have as women are, well, fucked-up to say the least.

This new #self-care trend tends to do one of two things:

1. Makes you feel shit about yourself because self-care looks like something that has to be beautiful and impressive. It seems to be something exclusively for white, middle-class, skinny, yoga-doing, green-smoothie-drinking and law-of-attraction believing women. And I don’t know about you, but I do not see myself reflected in that. It makes me feel fat, worse about my love affair with dry hair shampoo and makes me feel like I seriously do not have my shit together.
   

2. It tempts you into believing that if just got on the green smoothie wagon, everything in your life would be okay. You decide you’re going to get up at 5am the next morning for your new routine of yoga, smoothie, meditation, work-out, affirmations and when the next day, you snooze the alarm clock until seven and root around looking for a clean pair of leggings, you end up in scenario 1, feeling shitty, ashamed and like you’re the only woman out there who doesn’t have her shit together.
   

I don’t know about you, but neither of those options seem great.

And I’ve been in both scenarios countless, countless times. I now realise it takes time to form habits, that self-care can look like whatever the fuck you want it to, but it’s taken time to get to a place where I stop judging and blaming myself.

All this is to say is that this new trend of self-care is simplistic, reductive and generally bullshit.

It’s going backwards. As women we’re now not only faced with the pressure to have it all and do it all, (while looking effortless), but to take time for ourselves in a way that looks beautiful, convinces others that we have the perfect life and to keep our shit together all the damn time.

I used to think whole notion of self-care was revolutionary in the way that it was about reclaiming yourself, and it was a radical act to look after yourself in a world that tries to convince you you’re not good enough at every turn you make.

Back when I started talking about self-care, I was arguing the point that self-care isn’t about a spa day or a bubble bath, but instead doing things that light you up.

Now I find myself arguing that the notion of self-care is no longer a revolutionary act but something that is becoming yet another tool to further oppress women.

The revolution has been co-opted.

By corporations and mainstream media which uses it to sell us more shit we don’t need.

By this whole aspirational branding side of the online world which tells us that if only we think good thoughts, only positive things will happen.

By the female empowerment brand that gaslights us on a daily basis: “a marketing strategy that leverages social status and white privilege to create authority over other women.” — Kelly Diels

And I think it’s time for a new revolution.

Because buying a new gorgeous mug and expensive tea, brewing said cup of tea in said gorgeous mug and putting together in a flat lay of candles, notebooks and pens to photograph on Instagram to show people you’re having a #selfcaresunday is not fucking self-care.

Showing pictures of the weight you have lost next door to your meal-prep for the week that I think even my pet rabbits would turn their nose up is not fucking self-care.

Learning the art of putting on make-up so it doesn’t look like you’re wearing make up isn’t fucking self-care.

It’s not radical, it’s not revolutionary; it’s the same shit women have been told to do for centuries:

• Take up less space

• Be beautiful

• Look like you have all your shit together (for the most part we’re no longer hung as witches or put in asylums for being 'hysterical’ but we still have to pretend like everything’s okay for the sake of society at large)

• Keep up with the Joneses

• Know your place and stay there

• Be quiet

• Be a ‘good woman’

It’s quite literally buying into the same bullshit we’ve been oppressed by that so many of us fight against. And I am so sick of this shit.

So I’ve been thinking lately about what the actual intention of self-care is, going back to the roots of what it is actually about.

It’s not about taking a bubble bath and justifying an expensive spa pass. It’s not about taking photos on Instagram and showing everyone your new food prep routine. And it’s certainly not about staying small, being a good woman and knowing your place.

It’s actually about self-preservation.

It’s about keeping your own light lit in a world that seeks to dim your brightness and make you like everyone else.

It’s about doing the necessary things you need to do in your life to look after your mental health, keep yourself safe and protect yourself from dreamshitters.

It’s about standing up for yourself, your beliefs, who you are, especially when you don’t see yourself or your story reflected anywhere around you.

It’s about creating a lifestyle that is sustainable so you can continue to have the energy, hope and enthusiasm for the the work you do to make the world a brighter place.

It’s about making choices for yourself that allow you to make the world a better place than how you found it.

It’s about saying no when the world demands you say yes to everyone and everything.

It’s about working on yourself and examining your beliefs you hold about yourself and where they came from so you quite being your own personal dreamshitter.

It’s about examining your own her-story and the position you hold in society and what you can do to make the world a brighter place for the people not yet invited to the table.

It’s about acknowledging that you don’t have control over everything and that life doesn’t become a unicorn love-fest just because you think positive thoughts and that’s okay.

It’s about acknowledging that we have a duty as citizens to not let the world go to shit, no matter how fucked-up it gets. To collectively hold onto hope and build alternatives to structural oppression rather than the more tempting option of (and I get it’s often tempting), going into ourselves and hibernating.

It’s about seeing your bright sides as well as your dark sides and embracing the shadows instead of hiding them away, ashamed.

Like the definition of preserve says, it’s about both ‘maintaining something in its original or existing state’ and to ‘prevent its decomposition’.

It’s about our survival as women; bright, creative, weird, brilliant women who don’t know how to be another way than how we are but are always being told we’re not right, or we’re doing it wrong and that we’re not wanted in society.

It takes true courage to be yourself in a world that consistently reminds you that you should be something else.

It takes rebellion to wake up every day and fight for the things you believe in and who you are.

And it takes a shitload of resilience carry on being yourself and fighting for yourself and the things you believe in, when all the signs point the other way and tell you that it’s futile. (It’s not.)

So let’s flip the narrative.

Let’s see self-preservation as the life-changing and sustaining work it is, rather than #selfcare and an excuse to buy a new candle.

Let’s stop trying to make everything ‘sexy’ and see that it takes real work to keep your own light lit.

Let’s stop doing things for clicks and instead acknowledge that this isn’t glamorous stuff and do it anyway.

And let’s stop making everything look so impressive and instead get real and honest about who we are, what we experience and the stories we have to share.

In so many of the articles out there about self-care, this wonderful quote by the revolutionary feminist Audre Lorde comes up time and time again:

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

— Audre Lorde

Audre said it first: it’s about preservation.

And it’s about more than just yourself.

Dare to get political.

Dare to make a stand.

Dare to do what you need to keep being you.

Come home to yourself, not a skinny chai latte or a new bunch of lavender for a flat-lay.

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I’d really love to hear your thoughts on self-care, self-preservation and really start a new conversation about what it means to sustain and survive as a woman. Let’s get chatting in the comments below!

8 things you can do when you’re pretty sure the world is a shit place

The art of intentionally looking for proof that people are good and kind

I don’t know about you, but the world feels like it’s getting more terrifying every day. And as creatives, dreamers and world shakers, it’s hard to feel any hope at all.

It’s hard not to get sucked into a massive tunnel of doom and feel like the world is falling to pieces.

And we’re pretty susceptible to be sucked into that tunnel, as people who want to help and want to make the world a better place. From rolling news to social media, we get to know and to see so many negatively things every hour. And it takes its toll.

It’s all too easy to hear about the bad shit. It’s the bad news that sells, keeps us fearful and spending money.

And let’s face it, SO much good shit happens in the world that we don’t hear about.

So let’s start getting intentional.

And let's start seeking out the things that happen that don't make it to our radar.

Here are 8 things I recommend!

1. Don't check the news within the first hour of getting up in the morning. Instead, listen to some of your favourite music or a positive podcast

2. Cut the news out altogether - I know, I know, I had conflicting views too. (I wrote a great list of 56 things you can do instead of watching the news here). 

3. Unfollow people on social media who add more negativity to your life than positivity and following other great accounts like The Self Care Clockor The Good News Network

4. Listen to your favourite playlists instead of listening to the radio.

5. Check out wonderful projects like the Good Newspaper and sign up for weekly updates of great news stories

6. Find a Random Act of Kindness you can do today. Or simply smile at a stranger.

7. Watch soul-filling stuff on YouTube like the Global Positive News Network Channel and realise that people are overwhelmingly good.

8. Pick up a book you’ve been meaning to read instead of getting caught up on your phone

Actively seeking the good stuff isn’t about putting your fingers in your ear and singing la la la!

(Though it is pretty tempting at times!).

Instead, it’s about prioritising your mental health and knowing that just seeing the bad shit all the time isn’t going to help.

You need to be responsible to you as well. Your dreams of making a difference, of having a wholehearted life and being a force of good aren’t going to happen if you surround yourself with the bad stuff all the time.

I know it’s hard to believe right now, but on the whole, people are kind, people care, and people are wonderful.

Don’t miss an opportunity to tell someone what they mean to you.

And cherish the things that make you feel good and surround yourself with as much self kindness as you can.

Don’t give up on the world – instead, look for the good stuff and hold onto it as tight as you can.

EPIC POST: dealing with the post-excitement slump

I’ve spent my life defying the saying 'contain your excitement'. I'm naturally like a puppy on some kind of performance enhancing drug when I get excited or when I hear someone else excited.

But while that's my natural way of being, I know all too well what it's like when your excitement for a new project, idea or thing is met with a damp squid. So this post is written very much in the same light as my post on how to deal with dreamshitters.

As creatives and multi-passionate women, we thrive and survive on our ideas and projects: that feeling when ideas are coming to us faster than we can write? It’s like being on the top of the world.

But shit hits the fan when we experience what I’m going to refer as the post-excitement slump.

You know what I'm talking about. When you're feeling alive, like you're on the cusp of greatness and you just can't deal with the excitement on your own. You've either discovered something new, you have news, or you’ve thought of a new idea - something that's going to change everything - and you need to share it with someone before you burst.

And you do. Your words are tumbling out of your mouth faster than any brain came keep up with, you're jittery and fidgety and your brain is like an idea-firework display.

But as you're sharing, you notice something.

 

Maybe:

• The other person seems distracted. They've looked elsewhere around the room/checked their phone/clock
  

• They're really well intentioned, but they just don't 'get it'
  

• They seem interested for a bit but then they open their mouth to tell you about the latest thing going on in their life
   

• They completely make the conversation about them
   

• They remind you of all of the previous ideas/opportunities/thoughts that didn't work out.
   

• Their response is as lukewarm as a roast dinner in the microwave after 30 seconds
   

• They dismiss you completely and continue an earlier conversation
   

• They seem really excited, but it doesn't match YOUR level of excitement

 

And you can end up feeling a whole mishmash of feelings: pissed off/disappointed/rejected/disrespected/selfish/guilty/sad.

It’s fair to say excitement goes out of the window.

You can't remember why you were so excited and you can't get it back. Sometimes you feel stupid for getting that excited in the first place and sharing it with someone; like someone has knocked the air out of you and you can't remember your point anymore. 

You go from feeling on top of the world, to feeling completely miserable and hopeless, in a very short period of time.

It’'s a really shitty feeling.

For a lot of us, our excitement is often the main motivation to keep us going, it can be really hard to get that motivation back after the post excitement slump.

And let’s face it - being excited is a vulnerable feeling. You're putting yourself out on the line and you're not always going to be met with the reaction you want.

It's now that we want the red carpet rolled out and a standing ovation. Honestly, most of us just want to feel listened to, like we have someone on our side and someone we can share our lives with.

And sometimes that can feel like asking for the world

So today I want to share with you what has helped me. The practices I have developed to protect myself against the post excitement slump, without completely shutting down and not letting anyone in (which is often tempting, I know).

 

PART ONE: HOME TRUTHS

Some people are never going to be as excited about something as you; they're not going to be able to grasp the deep significance of something that you do. Especially if they don't share your values, are prone to either looking down on you or misunderstanding anyway.

Truth #1

And more importantly: just because someone doesn’t get what you do, or align with your values, that doesn't mean that they get to shit all over your parade.

Truth #2

Read that second one again and again and again. Tattoo it to the inside of your eyelids (or if you want the pain-free option, stick it on a post-it somewhere you'll remember it).

PART TWO: PRACTICAL SHIT + STRATEGIES

I've come up against the post-excitement slump more times than I can say, and along the way, I've found there are some simple things you can do to really protect your ideas, your excitement and your enthusiasm.

(I don't mean protect in the sense of having your arms around your exam paper not wanting to be copied; I mean protecting them so they can live on and not be swallowed up by the damp squid.)

So use these as food for thought as you embark on your own journey of sticking up for your ideas and standing up for your creativity. (Fuck yeah!)

1. Write down your ideas in as much detail as possible before you speak to anyone

This has been the biggest one for me, because so many times we forget the details of our ideas when they’re overshadowed by how shitty we’re feeling. Now, before I tell anyone anything, I write everything out, both in free form, you know the who-knows-if-i’ll-get-this-when-I-look-at-it-later scribbling, as well as the basics so I can remind myself at a quick glance.

And when I say the basics, I mean write it so simply that anyone could understand it. So many of the times we write things down swearing that we'll remember what we're on about but then later come to it clueless. I have so many post-it notes that made complete sense at the time, but are now a random string of words that baffle me.

By doing this, if you're met with a damp squid, you can get back into the frame your mind was in, by reading what you were thinking at the time. You can also go back and put your idea into action because you remember the most important things.

2. Capture how you’re feeling

As well as capturing the idea in detail for later, take the time to write down how you feel about the idea. Whether you're met with a damp squid or self-doubt creeps up, sometimes it feels impossible to remember that we really believed in our ideas in the first place, they brought us joy and they really could work.

Give yourself that gift and allow yourself to feel the excitement.

3. Give yourself time to bask in the excitement

Building on the last one, instead of rushing up to tell someone, actually slow down to enjoy the feeling.

I don’t know about you, but I love getting coloured pens out and making new plans, going off on tangents and seeing where my creativity takes me. I wish more of my time was spent that way, so now, when it does happen I give myself to indulge and really get into it.

An invincible feeling comes over to us, because our brain hasn’t given us time to let self doubt or fear kick in, and we dream bigger.  So not only will you be getting even more creative, the more time you dedicate to your ideas when you’re in that mood, the more developed and the more out of the box they’re going to be.

4. Celebrate the shit out of your own wins, even if that's only with yourself

If you’ve been around That Hummingbird Life for a while, you’ll know that I’m all about celebrating the shit out of your small wins. 

It’s so important for you, especially when you  creatively blocked, are put off by what others think that you decide to flip the middle finger and do it anyway.

If you’re looking for a way to celebrate the shit out of your small wins (and get over the fear of celebrating alone), check out my list of 26 ways you can celebrate below!

5. Find your people who listen and notice those who don't

Sometimes, as well meaning as some of the people around us are, they’re just never going to get it. As creatives and dreamers, we look at the world in a way that makes sense to us, and we have the courage to imagine a world that could be different. And not everyone around us gets that.  

Sometimes we have to look around ourselves, take a good look at the people we surround ourselves with. Are they supportive? Do they try to understand even if they don’t get it? Because while not everyone in your life is going to get you, you might find that some of the people who might not get it as much actually support you the most because they believe in you.  

We all need someone, or some people in our lives that do get what we’re doing and want to help us along the way.  and if there’s no one there that just gets it, go out and find that person.

If you're looking for a tribe of women who 'get it', I have a feeling The Couragemakers Podcast may be just the thing for you!

6. Make a decision and stick to it 

Too often I've got excited about an idea, shared it with someone, felt shit and never returned to the idea.

And that makes me really sad, and I know I'm not alone.

One of the best ways I've found of countering this is to take the power back into your own hands and make a decision.

Take your idea and find three things that you could do to start bringing it to life. It could be ordering a book on the topic, starting a research notebook or reaching out to someone to find out more. 

Make your idea something that is starting to have physical evidence in the world and stick to your decision and don't allow yourself to be swayed by other's opinions. 

7. Keep It To Yourself

This one might sound counter-intuitive, but sometimes the only way you can protect your ideas, your enthusiasm and excitement is keeping something to yourself. Maybe you keep it to yourself until it's more developed and you feel more confident about it - that way you'll be less swayed by other's responses. Maybe you keep it to yourself until you complete it? 

Remember that you don't have to justify yourself to anyone, and that your ideas are precious and important. They matter and you matter.

Because they're YOURS, you get to be the ultimate decider in what happens to them.

If you're struggling to remember this right now, go check out my post Fuck Dreamshitters: A Manifesto For Couragemakers - I think it might be just what you need to read today.

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My hope is that this post gives you some  practical tools to keep your ideas alive and keep your excitement and enthusiasm burning.

As creative and multi-passionate women striving to make the world a brighter place, sometimes it can be really hard to keep your own light lit. But you have so much to give the world; so many stories to share, so many things that are uniquely you and the world is so much of a brighter place when you show up as yourself. 

I'd love to know what you do when the post-excitement slump hits - let me know in the comments below!

PS. If you're looking for a regular dose of encouragement, enthusiasm and rebel-rousing, I send weekly Pep Talks to my wonderful community of Couragemakers every Sunday To join in the fun and keep your own light lit, click here!

Why Dream-Chasing + Building The Life You Want Is Exhausting (and what you can do about it)

Today I'm calling bullshit and getting real about what it takes to chase your dreams, why pit stops are so important and why it is so damn exhausting (and exciting, but let's address the elephant in the room: it is fucking hard work).

If you're working to build the life you want, chasing your dreams, daring to live differently and make the world a brighter place, chances are you're reminded everyday about the things you should be doing or should be feeling.

It's so easy to feel overwhelmed, conflicted, confused and at times plain irritated.

Especially when we're told to chase our dreams in the form of over-simplified platitudes:

Pinterest yells at us that we're too blessed to be stressed, and from every direction we're constantly reminded of our own mortality how we only live once and we have to make the most of the life we have.

I mean, fuck me, that makes me feel exhausted just thinking about it.

It makes me feel like I'm being chased by a massive countdown timer which is also yelling at me to shut up and be grateful. 

And then you have Gary V encouraging you to find a way to work all day then from 9pm to 2am focus on your side hustle (if you also think this is ridiculous, you're going to love this post by Jon Westenberg.)

I digress.

While there are so many guides on how to reach your goals, how to make a vision  board and how to build the foundations for a life you love, there's not much out there about the nitty gritty reality of what it all takes.

Hell, I love making a vision board. I'm in heaven cutting things out of magazines, gluing them down and picturing what I'd love my life to look like. But thats less than 1% of the grand picture. 

Making the vision board, getting clear on your dreams and imagining all of this happening is one thing. It energises us and it gives us a purpose.  And I'm not for one second saying  stop:  connecting to your why is one of the most important things you can regularly to do for yourself to give yourself the motivation to keep going.

But bringing it to life takes hard work, perseverance, grit and a shitload of courage.

And holy shit do we work hard.

Yet we live in a world where we're simultaneously told to try harder, work harder, hustle harder and put yourself last AND stop stressing out, have 'good vibes' and go with the flow.

It's pretty fucking confusing.

Some day we'll come to the end of the fucking rainbow and be bathing in gold, right?

Now I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound like my definition of a wholehearted life. I don't want to spend my life running against the clock to have a couple of minutes of respite.

While there are guides out there about the work it takes, they often come in the form of productivity ebooks, motivational shouting videos where you're told to SWEAT, FEEL THE PAIN AND KEP GOING!!

They don't really address the confusion, the fear, the uncertainty, the exhaustion and the self-doubt that all happens largely behind-the-scenes.

And they don't address the bloody obvious: dream-chasing is just one part of the larger picture of our lives. 

We still need to the washing-up, find a way to pay our bills, find time to eat, sleep and spend times with the ones we love.  And that's just the basics.

When you add in all of our unique life circumstances, it's a lot more complicated. Maybe you have children. Maybe like me you struggle with depression and anxiety. Maybe you have a chronic illness. Maybe you're a carer.

The variables are endless.

No wonder we're so tired. 

And confused. And overwhelmed.

Yet we keep telling ourselves that we just need to push harder, do more and for-goodness-sake, don't stop.

But really this is like having a car, refusing to put petrol in it, ignoring the MOTs and then kicking it really hard when you get in ready for a long journey and it won't start.

Or painstakingly taking SO much time to source and buy all the ingredients needed for the world's most complicated casserole and not having anything to cook it with or cook it on.

When I put it like this, it sounds simple. Because it is simple.

Yet as humans, we're taught to act as if we're superheroes, never complain and just keep going and going and going and going.

Instead of taking a breather, we're encouraged to try a new productivity hack; we're told to push harder instead of re-fuelling.

Chances are, when you feel like you just need more stamina, the thing you most probably need is a break.

Time to re-fuel.

Time to remember why you started in the first place.

Time to actually look back and see how far you've come.

Because you have come so far my dear. While it might feel like sometimes you're playing a game of stuck-in-the-mud with your fears and dream-chasing makes you feel like you're losing a game of snake and ladders, you have made more progress than you know.

Progress doesn't always look or feel like progress.

Progress can come in the form of needing to stop and recalibrate, looking at how far you've come and actually celebrating the wins you've made along the way.

Progress can be pausing and realising that you need to do things differently so you can sustain your enthusiasm, energy and momentum and readjusting your dreams to what feels good instead of what you feel like you should be aiming for.

In a world that has SO many opinions about what you should be doing, how you should be doing it and the speed you should be going, make it simple.

Go back to the imagine of that car and remember that re-fuelling is a vital part of the process.

Pit stops aren't an inconvenience but very, very necessary.

(And if you're in need of inspiration of what to do for your pit stop, check out my list of 50 ways to show yourself you matter.)

Dream-chasing isn't exhausting because you don't work hard enough, you're not making progress fast enough of you're not good enough.

It's exhausting because it takes a shitload of grit, courage, resilience.  Chasing your dreams takes a lot of emotional, psychological and physical energy.

It takes a lot of standing up to dreamshitters, especially when the dreamshitter lives in your head.

Like Tom Hanks said:

“If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it.”

— Tom Hanks

And not everyone does do it. Look around you - the status quo rules for a reason. 

It takes an enormous amount of courage and guts to decide to do things your way.

And when you are exercising courage, grit and resilience, you need to re-fuel as much as you can.

So know that you're not alone, that you're not weak for needing to take a break and that this is a marathon, not a sprint.

You can do things beyond your wildest dreams. You can have a bigger impact on the world than you know. You can use your own unique blend of skills, strengths, experiences and quirks and design your life your way.

But know that pit stops are integral. 

You can get burnt-out chasing your dreams the same way you can get burnt-out doing a job you hate.

Have the courage to accept you have limits and start to recognise when you need to stop. 

Because that courage is what dreams are made of.

Not Pinterest platitudes or working yourself to the ground.

Like what you just read?  Every Sunday I send a free weekly Pep Talks to hundreds of like-minded Couragemakers packed full of more encouragement than you can shake a stick at. Click here to find out more and join us!

Real Talk #1:There’s only so much compassion you can have for someone who treats you like shit

I’ve been in lots of situations where the response from the people I moan to, or open up to to, has been along the lines of:

“Well think what they must have been through to end up like that.”

“Don’t get angry, have compassion because they clearly need it as they’re in a lot of emotional pain.”

“Don’t be annoyed, just send them love.”

“Have sympathy and show them some compassion, and maybe they’ll change.

Well. Fuck that.

Now, I’m a pretty sympathetic, empathetic and compassionate person.

But I’ve learned in the last couple of years that there’s only so far that can stretch.

I’m not about to make myself believe that I’m here to teach some higher sense of self.

Nor am I here to be a punching bag or a doormat to show someone the error of their ways.

And I am sure as hell sick of being preached to about loving kindness.

I tried the Loving Kindness meditation once which is supposedly all about forgiveness, compassion and sending loving compassion outwards. The guided exercise I did started with extending loving kindness to the person you least wanted to give it to.

I just ended up more irate at the person I was trying to send loving kindness to before I started. Instead of getting compassionate and washing everything away with love, I had a moment of quiet to really appreciate just how much of a prize bitch she was. And believe me when I tell you that I don’t say that lightly. (I think it’s fair enough to say that I don’t think practicing loving kindness was for me.)

Here’s the thing.

Everyone has gone through shit in their lives. It might be varying levels of shit – sure you might have a different resilience or sensitivity level which is perfectly okay – but we have all been through shit.

And that’s not to say you have to come out of it as some kind of flying dolphin shitting unicorn sprinkles out of your ass.

But you don’t have to come out of it as a complete bastard either and treat everyone you meet like shit.

Of course it would be great if therapy was available on tap, and I’m a great believer in the idea that everyone needs therapy for something.

But just because that’s not the case, should it mean that everyone can go around throwing their proverbial shit at each other.

And it certainly doesn’t mean you should take it.

Now there are times for speaking up and there are times when you’re voiceless and incapable of standing up for yourself. That’s okay, and believe me, a huge part of the battle is getting to be okay with yourself for not being able to stand up for yourself.

But whether you’re able to stand up for yourself or not doesn’t mean you have to have compassion for that person.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re a gentle and loving soul and the idea of not having compassion makes you feel like an awful person. Well I’m here to tell you it doesn’t.

It makes you a human with needs, who deserves respect and someone who has boundaries and limits.

So fuck having to feel like you have to give your love, empathy or compassion for people who make you feel like shit.

As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t serve you and wastes the precious time, energy and love of the wonderful person you are.

If you need to experience compassion for the person in order to find forgiveness that will help YOU move forward, that’s a different story (and I think ‘selfish’ forgiveness is perfectly okay), but just do it for you.

Don’t waste your time on people who make you feel like shit. Because they’re not giving your feelings, your time or your energy a SECOND’S thought.

You have so many experiences, memories and wonderful things to create with your life.

Focus on them instead.

A Permission Slip For Friendly People-Pleasing Introverts

Because you don't have to be a sounding board for the world and her cat, people-pleaser or not.

A huge myth about introverts is that we’re all these quiet timid people. I call bullshit.

Some of the most chatty people I know are introverts — people who can fill silence with non-stop chatter, who end up chatting to any one on the bus and like to have a good loud laugh.

But that doesn’t mean that we’re these extroverted outgoing folks who love nothing more than a good natter.

Not at all.

For some of us, that friendliness and chatty-ness comes with a price: our energy.

Being a friendly introvert can be hugely exhausting. While extroverts get their energy from spending time with other people, introverts get their energy through time alone, thinking, reflecting and having time to just be.

So while we might enjoy a good chat, that doesn’t mean we want to socialise every minute of the day.

Because we are chatty, people think we’re naturally extroverted. They don’t realise that sometimes all we want is a moment of silence. It’s not that we don’t enjoy other people’s company, it’s just that we don’t want it all the time (FYI that’s okay).

And as friendly people-pleasing introverts, I think it’s fair to say that we give away a lot of our energy rather than sticking up for ourselves, because we don’t want to be rude.

As introverts, we also soak up atmospheres like sponges, and we pick up on subtle changes in the environment. So when shit feels awkward, we go into verbal diarrhoea mode, and try and desperately fill the void.

When we notice someone’s feeling down, we want to do something about it. We’re always on the go, always sensing what other people need and we end up putting everyone in front of ourselves, and wonder why we feel so drained and exhausted.

If you’re reading this and you relate, join the gang (and by join, I reassurance from the comfort of your own private space that you’re not the odd one out, and there are a lot of people who feel similarly).

Your time and your energy are two of the most precious things you have. And it is your right to defend them as fiercely as you can.

It’s not rude to put your earphones on and block out the world for a while when you’re out shopping if you know people have a tendency of seeking you out as a friendly soul to pour their heart out to.

It’s okay not to want to make friends with everyone you meet. Whether you’re in an airbnb, at a new job or taking a course, you don’t have to give everyone your undivided attention and reluctantly go out for drinks because you think you should.

While you are a bright, wonderful person to be around and you can chat to anyone, it doesn’t mean you have to be that for everyone.

So stop entertaining people who like one-sided conversations about themselves and know you’re too polite to excuse yourself from the conversation even though you’re bored fucking rigid and you couldn’t give less of a shit about the problem they’re having with Sheila in the office.

It’s not your role to make people feel better about themselves. It’s not your role to be a sitting duck for people who are too self absorbed to know that you don’t give a shit.

It’s not your duty to spend your precious time and energy with people you’re not particularly fussed on chatting about the weather and the increasing price of bread.

And while the world might tell you otherwise, you don’t need to say yes every time your friends as you out, or respond immediately to every message. If it becomes an issue or you want to set clear expectations, start an honest conversation.

The time we have alone? It’s that time that gives us our sparkle to begin with.

So don’t let the world dampen your sparkle because of not wanting to appear rude.

You can be assertive without being a dick.

Chances are the things you think are rude are things that most people do without giving it a second thought.

So my fellow friendly introverts, know that that you don’t have to be a soundboard for the universe and its cat, and know that there is nothing wrong with you.

The world is built for extroverts, but that doesn’t mean there’s not a place for you in it.

20 Ways To Get Shit Done!

As creative and multi-passionate women, it’s fair to say that we all struggle with getting shit done. Now, before you start judging yourself, and beating yourself up, know that you’re not alone: we all struggle. Why do you think there are so many books on productivity, focus and life hacks?

It can be so hard to sit down and work.  It can be hard to find the focus, know where to start, have the discipline to keep going, fight through the creative resistance and and have the courage to start when you have gremlins of self doubt sitting in your shoulder.

Now, if that isn’t one big messy mix, I don’t know what it is. But it’s not just a messy mix. It’s a toxic recipe for keeping you small, keeping you blocked and keeping you from doing the things only you can do.

I heard a sobering quote by Les Brown this morning that sums up a lot of my thinking on this subject lately:

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”

I don’t know about you, but that just hits me.

And I want to fight for a world where women believe they matter, that their ideas matter, and they find the courage to bring the things only they can do to the world. I want to try to make a drop in the ocean so that we collectively have the courage to work on our ideas, put them out into the world and bring them TO LIFE instead of taking them to the grave.

As much as I like talking about creative resistance, self doubt, courage, creative processes, sometimes we need to take a big gulp of courage and just take action. So today I’m sharing with you 20 things you can do right now to start getting shit done so you can start bringing your ideas to life. Some are deceptively simple and some seem counterintuitive but they all work.

If you’re feeling stuck, just pick one and do it. Sometimes we can get so caught up in our heads, over analyzing why we’re not taking action that we inadvertently keep ourselves stuck. We end up getting in our own way.

So, if you’re feeling stuck, just pick the one you feel most called to do, and just do it. I’ve created a killer printable poster to go along with this episode for you to stick on your wall and pick one whenever you get stuck. And because I know there’s a LOT of information packed into this episode, I’ve also published it as a blog post so you can go back to it whenever you need to. I’ve put the link in the show notes!

Now, we’ll get onto that list. They’re in no particular order - although in hindsight it would have been fun to do a reverse countdown Top 20 like I’m some radio DJ, but that right there is an example of overcomplicating!

So, Couragemakers! Are you ready to get shit done?

Let’s go.

1.Set a timer

Okay, so you’re thinking, Meg this is bloody obvious. Yes! But, when did you last do it? Sometimes when we’re tackling a huge to-do list or something we just can’t be bothered to do, the only thing to do it set a timer and make yourself do it in a timed environment. I find it helpful going to YouTube and finding some kind of epic motivational video can help as well. There are a couple of ways of using this method. One of the most popular methods is the Pomodoro method devised by Francesco Cirillo in the 80s. The idea is you break a task down into 25 minute chunks with a small break in between. Another way of thinking about this, is really asking yourself how long you can get deep work done. Deep work is the idea of really focusing on one thing, and giving yourself an hour or more to really focus without any distractions. Figure out your optimal time, and set a timer. There are literally no excuses for not setting a timer - you’ll be amazed at what you can do even if you’ve only got five minutes, and we’ve all now got timers built into our phones, you can google set a timer for five minutes, and it does it for you. If you find yourself endlessly procrastinating, just set a timer.

2.Eat the frog

This one definitely wins for the best title! It’s a way of getting shit done devised by Brian Tracy and it’s all about tackling the thing you least want to do first. You know those niggly things that sit at the back of your brain that you try to drown out but deep down you know need doing? The thing you endlessly procrastinate on but is pretty important? Yep, those things. While yes, they are it’s worth thinking about the fact that it takes quite a bit of mental energy to keep pushing them down. Think of what you could do when you’ve got that out of your life and you’ve got some brain space back.. I know it’s not fun, but it’s necessary, so eat the frog, friends! Eat the frog!

3. Blast music

Sometimes we need silence and to really think. Other times we need to blast Macklemore (what can I say, I’m biased), up as loud as we can and use the energy to push through. Choose music that makes you feel good, has a good bass or a good beat, and anything that encourages a bit of chair dancing is definitely a bonus! Spotify has some great playlists, so does YouTube. The secret is to find something that works for you and just let it play instead of wasting time changing the song every five minutes. When you have time where you have less shit to get done, schedule in some time to make your own Get Shit Done Playlist and set yourself up for a fun and productive working session! Alternatively, if you find music too distracting, white noise can really help. Apparently it distracts the part of our brain that is most likely to wander, so we can really focus and get what we need to done.

4. Make a plan

Again, this one sounds all too simple, but have you ever sat down to do something, got really stuck, and find yourself watching baby goat videos because you don’t know where to start? Yep, me too. Work out what you need to do and work backwards to see what you need to make happen to complete your goal. Write out every mini step and go through it in an order that makes most sense to you (sometimes I sort things by my enthusiasm, deadline, the most boring thing first etc). Trello is a great and simple online tool for getting your plans out of your head, so if you haven’t used it before, I recommend trying it out. And a bonus tip on this one, I’ve found that adding how much time it will take to do something to the list helpful. That way you keep things realistic and don’t end up setting yourself up for failure

5. Recruit a friend

You won’t always be working on the same thing as a friend, but that doesn’t mean you can’t tackle things together. Whenever you have something to get done, I can guarantee that someone you know if also trying to get shit done. Post on Facebook, reach out to your nearest and dearest and see if they’re struggling to get something done too, and cheer each other on. Bounce ideas to make both of your things easier to get done, and create a deadline. If you work for yourself, I’ve found co-working sessions really helpful. The idea is that you find someone else who’s in a pretty similar circumstance to you and set a time together when you will both work on something. I tend to do this in two hour slots; we check in with each other and set a goal at the beginning of our session, then turn off all notifications and really focus for a couple of hours, then check in to see how we did after. There’s something about knowing that someone else is working really hard too that keeps you accountable, makes it easier, and makes you less likely to procrastinate or cheat! If you don’t know anyone you could do a co-working session with, someone recommended Focus Mate to me where you essentially do this virtually with someone you don’t know!Alternatively, you can ask a friend to cheer you on, and you don’t necessarily have to do it together. Tell your friend why it’s so important you do it, ask her to remind you regularly why it’s important to you, and check in every couple of days to see how you’re doing. It’s not selfish - cheerleading is a huge part of any good friendship and I know you’d only be too happy to return the offer.

 6. Make it fun

I’ve got a bit of a motto this year to stop overthinking things and just get things done and that’s to try and make things fun and easy. We’ll dive into the easy bit when we get to the simplifying section. So, how can you make something fun? Maybe that looks like taking yourself out for a hot chocolate when you have to tackle something ridiculously boring. Maybe it’s about adding a one person dance party to a hectic day. Maybe it’s buying yourself a really fun fluffy pen that reminds you to not take things so seriously. Maybe it’s getting really dressed up to go to work. Maybe it’s changing up your routine and going for a walk before you do your best work. What do you find fun? How can you add that to whatever you need to get done?

7. Get an accountability buddy

Accountability can make you seriously get shit done. There’s something about knowing that you’re going to have to explain why you didn’t get it done, that can really kick us int action. Accountability works like nothing else when you have a buddy that’s willing to kick you up the bum a little bit, you set clear boundaries and very specific goals. You can do this with a friend, or you can post in a group online to see if someone else wants to join you. I recommend only getting an accountability buddy if you actually intend to cheer someone else on as well. Accountability buddies are a two way thing, and can be absolute magic if you’ve both got clear expectations and you’re both committed to your check in days!

8. Break it down

I remember when I used to revise for exams, there was a TV show called Bitesize which addressed each of the topics and broke them down into really manageable chunks. As we adult, we forget how important that is. Sometimes it’s just too overwhelm to look at the whole project - we wonder how on earth we’ll ever get it done and end up talking ourselves out of it. Remember that graveyard we were talking about earlier? A way of getting rid of the overwhelm is to really break things down into small tasks you can do and use them as a checklist. If they seem too big, break then down even further. Break them into the tiniest things you can do, and give yourself the grace and patience you need to get through them!

9. Simplify

Now, I know I’m not the only worrier and over-complicator here. I love getting new ideas, but I’m the first to admit that I can end up getting completely overtaken by a wave of excitement that before I know it, my knickers are in a right twist. Then the excitement starts to fade and overwhelm takes its place, and if you have been in the same situation, you know it’s not fun. Now, I’m not arguing for keeping your ideas small or reducing your excitement and I’m never going to. Seriously, take your idea as far as you can, get lost in the process, really claim and own your excitement and enthusiasm and THEN, before you start to take an action or write a plan,  pause and ask yourself these three questions:

What is the simplest way I can do this? What is the easiest way I can do this that sounds like fun? What makes the most logical sense that is still me?

Sometimes the best ideas are the simplest. Don’t rob yourself of the opportunity to bebrilliant by thinking that every idea you have has to be the most original, complicated and complex thing ever. It really, really doesn’t.

10. Ask for help

Over the years I’ve come to learn that asking for help is a bit of an art form, in that it takes a lot of practice to start becoming comfortable with it. Tad Hargrave from Marketing for Hippies has exercise which is a five minute support asking blitz. The idea is that for five minutes, you do nothing but ask for support and for help - to the point that it becomes almost embarrassing. His point is that it’s only when we reach that point of feeling embarrassed that we even begin to touch on how much support we actually need in life.As strong, brilliant women, sometimes it can feel like asking for help is a sign of weakness, but I’ve come to learn that it’s actually an act of courage. If asking for help or leaning on someone feels like a huge step, consider this: none of us can live as humans without some help. We all rely on oxygen, food which we largely don’t grow or produce ourselves, fuel, gas etc you name it. We are all already dependent to some extent whether you like it or not, so while we’re debunking this myth of independence, you might as well ask directly for the help you need. There are people who want to help you and would be delighted to offer you some support - how can you start to take that support? And if you feel stuck in knowing what you’d even ask for help you, ask a friend to sit down with you and help you out with that. Like my Mum and countless others I would imagine say, if you never ask, you never get, and my Mum? She’s pretty much always right.

11. Reward first

This one seems pretty counterintuitive, but the more you think about it, the more sense it makes. We usually come to getting shit done from a place of scarcity, or a place of procrastination or a place of sometimes even desperation. What if we could change that? If we started getting shit done from a place of feeling better rested, having more energy and with a whole lot more enthusiasm and inspiration, it’s going to be a whole lot easier. Ever pushed through and pushed through and then realised nothing’s got done and you should have stopped three hours ago and instead started again tomorrow? It’s a bit like that. Rest first, reward yourself first and then get really disciplined, choose something else on this list then start. You might well be amazed what a difference it makes!

12.  2:1 work to fun ratio

This one’s also pretty simple. So much of the time, we approach getting shit done as working with blinkers on, not stopping to eat, drink or do much of anything else. We just barge on through, determined that if only we work harder, we’ll get it done. Wellllll! That’s not always the case. You need to give yourself time to pause, do something else for a while, have some fun and make it all worth it. Write a list of things you can do to treat yourself during a break, and tick them off as you go. Of course, work can be hugely fun, especially if we get into a flow state where we just get lost in it, but sometimes it doesn’t always feel that way. Intentionally add more fun into your schedule and factor it in as part of a process. Because it really is - it’s not wasting time, it’s about working sustainably and not driving yourself to exhaustion and depletion at the same time like we so often do!

13. Breathe

If your thoughts are spinning, you don’t know what to start on and overwhelm has truly got you wrapped up in your own head, just breathe. Pause, take a minute, and breathe. Not many things in life are actually life threatening, so breathe, take a moment for yourself and you’ll return with a clearer mind and a route forward. You can take this a step further and go for a walk if you’re able to. Fresh air can do wonders for our creativity, inspiration and our thought processes.If you find it hard to stop and breathe, I really recommend checking out the Calm App or Insight Timer.

14. Stop multitasking

Okay, so here’s the truth about multi-tasking: it makes us feel good. Look how busy I am! Look how capable I am! I have all of these things to do and they’re getting done and how brilliant am I?Well, maybe not so brilliant when you’re multitasking after all. There’s A LOT of research out there about multi-tasking, but I’ll just go into these: multitasking slows you down, changing your focus so often means you never really get into the flow state or your zone of genius and while it feels productive, it’s usually anything but. Instead of making you actually productive, it makes you feel really busy, is usually exhausted and usually ends up with disappointment of not actually having been able to do everything you needed to.I hold my hands up. It feels like my natural mode is to multi-task. I forever have about twenty tabs open, and I often get distracted mid-task and end up thinking of something else to do. But what doesn’t usually tend to get done when I work like this? The important main thing I intended to do when I sat down!While I haven’t found anything to cure the tab problem apart from some old fashioned discipline, there are a bunch of great apps out there to stop you from picking up your phone or getting distracted by Facebook (which I know is the tip of the iceberg). I recommend the chrome extension Kill News Feed which stops your news feed from showing whenever you get on Facebook, the Bashful App for stopping you from using your phone for a select period of time (Selected calls can still come through if you’re worried about that) and I know there are so many more out there. RescuTime is a brilliant way of tracking how you actually spend your time, and it might be the wake up call you need to really start getting focused.

15. Celebrate the shit out of your small wins

If you’ve been around here a while, you’ll know that I’m all about the small wins. In life we tend to focus on the big things and I remember a sign from back when me and Mr. Meg were travelling across the US in one of the places we stayed in that said, ‘Enjoy the little things in life for someday you will realise they are the big things’. Our lives are built of many tiny moments, and our huge accomplishments are built of many small steps along the way. You’ll always feel overwhelmed if the celebrating only comes after the big things, so celebrate the shit out of each small win along the way. Here's an epic guide to doing just this and a printable of 26 ways you can celebrate your wins!

16. Set intentions not goals

Sometimes it’s not about the actual goal, it’s about the reason why you’re doing it in the first place. When you’re feeling stuck, you’re not sure how to progress or those gremlins of self doubt are sitting on your shoulder, take a moment to focus on your intentions. Why did you start in the first place? Or if you haven’t started already, what made you want to do it in the first place? Set your intention next to any plan you make, and you’ll have a reminder why you started to pick you up along the way. Focusing on your intentions also makes you less likely to set yourself up for disappointment, because instead of a rigid set of unmovable expectations, you’re setting how you would like to feel, why you’re doing it and those things can’t help but be much bigger than a rigid goal.

17. Surround yourself with Couragemakers

This is a huge one, and one I have borrowed from the fantastic work of Scott Dinsmore and Live Your Legend. One of Scott’s biggest rules was to surround yourself with people who inspire you. It’s amazing what happens when you start spending time with people who align with your values, who just get you and they’re going after their own dreams as well. Instead of feeling like an anomaly, you start feeling like you’re part of a movement, part of something bigger and the courage of the people around you is always infectious.This might start by examining the people you have in your life and looking out for the people who inspire you and spending more time with them. It might be starting to watch TED talks, listen to more podcasts or finding ways to virtually surround yourself if you haven’t found your tribe yet, or it might be going to meetup.com and seeing the things around you that you never knew existed.I guarantee that being intentional about who you spend your time with, and cutting out the energy vampires will make a huge difference to the enthusiasm you approach your work with!

18. Turn off notifications

I made the decision to turn notifications off on my phone a while ago, and I’ve never looked back. Seriously, you don’t need something pinging every five minutes, you know this. But it can be hard to break away from the habit, and sometimes the energy surge that comes with the notifications.The only notifications I receive now are phone calls, texts and sometimes Facebook messages depending if I’m doing a coworking session. Go into your settings and just turn them off. It doesn’t mean people will forget you, or you’ll miss anything important - if nothing else, it means that you’ll start to be more intentional about how you spend your time online, and I think that’s something we’re all striving for. Make space for the things you genuinely want in your life, not the endless noise that takes you away from the things that matter.

19. Take a break

Now, I can hear you saying “But, Meg! I haven’t got enough time to get shit done, let

alone breathe or take a break.” I know. And that’s part of the problem. One of the biggest

times you need to take a break is exactly when you feel like you can’t. It’s exactly then

that we end up in burnout territory, which often takes the element of choice away from us

as our bodies force us to stop. So, take a break often, and really pay attention to those

times where you feel you can’t. You come first, and that’s not a negotiable, my friends

20. Start somewhere

If you don’t know where to start, just start somewhere! If you’re feeling overwhelmed, overcome by fear or self doubt or it just feels too scary, fuck logic and pick somewhere that excites you. The biggest risk is never starting in the first place, so get over that hurdle and just challenge yourself to start ANYWHERE. Things often fall into place, but you’re not giving yourself any way of knowing that if you never start.Think of your favourite books, your favourite films, your favourite artists and musicians. All of them have tread this path you’re walking on. All of them had to start somewhere. While it can feel unique, lonely and like you’re the only one to have ever experienced it, you’re not alone. Think of how happy you are that they started. Imagine that there is someone somewhere waiting for you to start.

BONUS 21. Join the brigade!

The Get Shit Done! Brigade: 30 days of community, accountability, action and coaching to get your ideas of our your all-be-it beautiful notebooks into tangible things that exist in the world. We’re starting on 15th February and it’s going to be a group of like-minded couragemakers who want to see you shine bright, getting shit done together, with accountability, coaching with me and encouragement parades on a Wednesday! For four weeks, we’re going to work together and prove that it is possible to get a lot of shit done and have a life at the same time, while really put some sustainable strategies into place for the long term as well.

To find out more about the brigade, click here!

I hope you’ve found this post helpful. You have so much to give the world, you have a story that the world needs to hear, and you can do things only you can do. I want to live in a world where your work, your creations and the things that make you uniquely you exist.

Please don’t deprive all of us and the world of that.

An Announcement & A Commitment

So, I don’t know if you’ve noticed lately, but the online world is a pretty noisy place. I think along the way, people have become unsurprisingly pretty disillusioned. There’s always another webinar, another checklist that will CHANGE. YOUR. LIFE. There’s always another Facebook group that promises community over competition but quickly becomes about sneaky ways to promote your services.

If you’re on the receiving end, it can feel like you have twenty thousand people shouting at you all at once. If you’re on the creating end, it can feel like having to wade through mud, avoiding the bullshit and trying to find your people amongst all the people who are promising to sell happiness in a jar. And if like me -  you’re on both the creating and receiving end - you quickly pick up on just how high the levels of bullshit are.

Now, I’m very keen to not add to the bullshit.  

While I’ve been launching the Get Shit Done! Brigade, I’ve been very conscious of the fact that you get a lot of emails in your inbox and that most of these emails are pitching you products and services relentlessly.

And I really don’t want to add to the noise.

If you’ve been around for a while, you’ll have noticed that things are a bit different around here. I don’t see my ‘mailing list’ or my podcast as a ‘tool’ to get sales. I see a wonderful community of Couragemakers who I love writing to, having great conversations with, hearing from and forming a community with.

But my unwillingness to add to the noise sometimes means that I end up sabotaging both myself and the community.

I end up not telling you about the services that I’m offering because I don’t want to bombard you or make you feel pressured to buy. I end up staying quiet about the things I offer that my clients absolutely love that really change things for them. Instead of being loud and proud about finding a way of working that draws on both my superpowers and my client’s superpowers, I end up keeping myself small and end up keeping really helpful things to myself.

So I’ve decided that I’m going to do things my way and in a way that serves both of us. And that starts with an acknowledgement that feels pretty scary to type out loud (is that a thing?!)

That Hummingbird Life is both a community and a business.

Ultimately, I want to encourage as many couragemakers as possible to live a life only they can live, to put the things only they can do into the world and own, live and share their stories.  That’s what this is about. And I’m going to be continuing to do that in a way that aligns with my values and creates a sustainable income so I can do even more of this work.

Accessibility is one of my biggest values, and I am really passionate about That Hummingbird Life being as helpful as possible and not being behind a paywall. So I am always going to keep a big chunk of my work available and free (the blog, The Couragemakers Podcast, the weekly emails).

And as well as these things, I will also always have services that go deeper and take you on a journey (courses, products, online and offline experiences, coaching and mentoring) that will be sold.

Somewhere along the line, we were led to believe as heart-centred women that we had to choose between either making a change in the world or making a sustainable living.

And I think it’s time we archived that notion and put in a time capsule.

So, my commitment to you is that I am always going to be completely transparent about the process, and as as helpful as possible along the way.

When I’m launching products or services, I will create helpful and free blog posts and podcast episodes that will help you to start that journey. Obviously they won’t be diving as deep, but they’ll be great starter pieces if money is tight and as much as you would like to join, you simply can’t, or if you don’t have the time or have the inclination to dive deeper.

I will let you know exactly what is different about what I offer, who would and wouldn’t be a good fit, and I promise not to make you feel less than or use manipulative selling techniques (yuck). The things I sell will only ever be things I one hundred percent believe in and one hundred percent believe they will add value to your life.

So, in the spirit of starting as I mean to go on and also being more loud and proud about the wonderful services I offer:

here are my coaching and mentoring packages (The Epic Shit Sessions) which are all about helping you on each stage of the creative journey and doing what only you can do, and on 15th February I am starting the Get Shit Done! Brigade: 30 days of community, accountability, action and coaching to get your ideas of our your all-be-it beautiful notebooks into tangible things that exist in the world. You can find all the information about the brigade here!

Thank you for reading, thank you for allowing me (and encouraging me) to always be honest and thank you for being the most wonderful community I could hope for.

Meg

Reclaim Yourself: A Couragemaker's Guide To A Wholehearted 2018!

As long as I can remember, this whole New Year, New You shit has reduced me to rants. While the temptation to start anew is alluring, it’s just simply not possible. To paraphrase a piece on this subject I wrote a while ago, I don’t believe in reinventing yourself. To reinvent yourself is to dislocate yourself from past experiences, and  strengths and values that knowingly or not, have spent your life cultivating. But those things? They’re the very things that make you uniquely you.

Sure, some of those things you’d rather forget, habits you’d rather get rid of and experiences you wouldn’t choose to relive again, we all have them. But to image that you can just delete them as easily as pressing backspace on a keyboard and start the new year as A Completely Different And Refined Person is bollocks.

Now, I could easily go into full on rant mode, but I’m pretty sure I’m preaching to the choir. It seems this year more than ever, there are lots of us who are sick of the New Year, New Me message.

So today I want to flip the narrative and offer a practical solution:

What if instead of focusing on new shiny things, you focused on brushing off the dust and uncovering and returning to parts of yourself that have been forgotten?

As January comes around, it’s so easy to start thinking of the things we haven’t done before, new ventures and new habits. And while they’re a huge part of living a wholehearted life, they can quickly become overwhelming if we start thinking that we need to reinvent the wheel every time and that everything you do needs to be exciting, fresh and new.

In the process, we forget that we have a whole lifetime of experience that gives us clues as to what lights us up, what makes our lives better and what brings you joy.

You forget the little things that make you smile, what’s worked in the past and continues to work today.

In the age of life hacks and trying to outsmart yourself at every turn, it’s increasingly easy to overcomplicate things and get your knickers in a right twist.

So let’s go back to simple and start reclaiming who we are and uncovering parts of ourselves that got lost along the way of trying to hack the fuck out of a living a more creative, authentic and wholehearted life.

Here are some questions that have really helped me, and to help, I’ve included my answers below as examples.

Question 1: What did you used to enjoy as a child?

(I know, you’re sick of this question, but if you answer it properly once, it might give you some insights as to how to combine your passions and how to bring a whole lot more joy to your life)

Being loud and making a mess! I’ve always loved creating things whether it’s little books, or that period of creating Orlando Bloom stationary I went through. I loved singing at the top of my lungs, anything that involved making things with my hands and I also really loved nerding out and learning things. I also always had a book on the go, was a regular at my library and would often get lost in making up stories which looking back, were pretty philosophical!

Now, how can you bring some of that back into your life?

I think the main thing here is working with my hands. I started dabbling in mixed media last year, really enjoyed it, especially when creating for the fun of it. Maybe I can add a weekly creative night to my calendar and just enjoy getting mucky and playing. Singing wise, while living with Mr. Meg’s family, I have to be mindful that no everyone wants to hear me belt out ‘Jolene’ at the top of my lungs (and I mean belt out). But maybe in the period before we move out this year, I can start to sing in the shower more, and really make the most of times on my own where I can really belt it out! As for reading books, I really started to enjoy getting back into fiction last year, but ended up back on nonfiction again. I’ve just started re-reading the Harry Potter series, and maybe this year will be a great one for holding myself accountable to reading before bed and always trying to have a fiction book on the go! I forgot how satisfying (and recharging) reading is over watching Netflix.

What about you? How can you start to bring back the things you loved doing from your childhood? I bet the magic is still there!

Question 2: When you look back on last year, what do you wish you’d done more of?

Ahh the power of hindsight being 20:20. This one I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past week - I wish I had been more conscious of what I consumed rather than getting stuck into the time, energy and soul suck that comes with endless scrolling. There are so many interesting topics I want to learn more about, that I DO have the time to learn more about if I could get really picky about what I choose to read, the apps I open and the amount of time spent on busy work.

I also would have loved to have laughed and danced more. Last year felt like a pretty serious year, and fun definitely wasn’t a priority. There are few things I love more in life besides laughing until my belly aches and dancing until my feet feel like they might fall off. Sadly that didn’t happen much last year, so this will be a big priority this year!

I also wish I’d been on more walks in nature because I know how good they are for my creativity and my mental health and walk mean dogs, which means JOY!

How can you bring some of that back into your life?

I’m tempted to open my calendar and start to schedule everything out, but I know that will get overwhelming pretty quickly and a scheduled life for me isn’t a happy life.

I think putting a reminder somewhere might help the most. I’m going to write the following on a postcard and put it somewhere I can see it:

Make A Mess. Use Your Hands. Read. Consume Consciously. Laugh. Dance. Go for walks.

Question 3:  How can you add more of what you love to your life?

Now, by this time, you might find that your answers start to repeat yourself. That’s a good thing - it will help you to start spotting patterns and start figuring out the things that bring you most joy and will make the most difference to your life. Repeat yourself to your heart’s content, and start noticing what keeps coming up!

First start by listing your loves:

My loves in life - where do I begin?! Bright colours, a song with a great beat, Mr. Meg (of course!), my family, creating, art shops, stationary, getting lost in a good book, dogs, Macklemore, spoken word poetry, feeling the wind in my hair, getting out in nature, napping, learning new things, singing, dancing, laughing, deep conversations, helping people, brainstorming, thinking of new ideas, writing, designing, dreaming, daydreaming, birdsong, glitter, hot chocolates (or anything chocolate!), live gigs, meeting new people, making art.

Now what ideas do you have for adding the the things you love to your daily life? List them out!

Spend some time on Spotify discovering new music

Make sure my nails are always painted bright colours so I feel more like me

Keep a book on the go and keep a list of the books other people recommend to me

Have a lunch break! (I always forget and I’m not proud of it). Lunch break can be used for walks, listening to performance poetry and TED talks

Make time for daydreaming, it’s really important

Start looking for events that can bring more laughter, joy and dancing to my life

Get in a creative mess at least once a week - paint on my hands brings me back to myself like nothing else

What’s on your list?

Now, all of these things and these questions seem deceptively simple.

And that’s because they are.

Bringing more joy, more fun and more YOU to your life isn’t rocket science, because you have everything you need inside you already.

Get in the DeLorean and play Sherlock in your own life. Look for the clues, see what keeps coming up, and take notice.

Be the wonderfully odd version of yourself you have always been, and incorporate the things that have brought you joy in the past.

It’s not frivolous, it’s not selfish and it’s not silly.

It’s necessary for living an inspired and creative life that only you can live.

Creatives: Just Keep Baking Bread

This is a tale about making bread.

But it’s not really about making bread.

It’s about keeping going when you don’t feel like you’re making a difference, when you think that no one in the world cares about your work, when you’re not sure where you’re heading and you don’t think your work is good enough.

Bread?

Now, assuming you haven’t been living under a rock, you know roughly how to make bread even if you don’t do it, have never done it or just don’t really give a shit (count me in that third category).

And unless you’re an artisanal baker that can debate the process of making bread for hours, I think we can all agree that there are four main stages to making bread (get the ingredients, remember the yeast, mix and bake)

But did you know there’s a fifth step? One that has has everything to do with the life of being a creative, putting yourself out into the world and keeping going?

Intrigued? Well, we’re going to get there soon, but first, to really understand it, we need to map the first four stages with the creative process:

Step One:

Assemble the ingredients (the basic things you need to create: your pen, your paints, your laptop, your modelling clay, your ukelele, your camera, your notebook - whatever you use.

Step Two:

Add yeast - the easiest thing to forget (when it comes to creating, the yeast is the thing that makes your work uniquely you: your stories, your experiences, your perspectives, your interpretations, your skills, your strengths, you preferences, your curiosity, your craft)

Step Three:

Mix everything together until it resembles dough (the bit you don’t like talking about quite so much: doing the damn work, sitting with an idea until it makes sense, the hard graft, getting our hands dirty and wondering if everything will ever come together)

Step Four:

Put it in a container inside the oven and let it cook (this is when your work starts to take its form - a story, book, poem, painting, sketch, photograph, model, patchwork quilt, song - and it starts to be ready to exist in the world as a thing that didn’t exist before

The fifth stage?

This is what happens to the bread once it has been baked. And it’s where things get interesting...

--

An aside before we get to the deceiving fifth step - I know that the first four steps aren’t easy. Sometimes the hardest thing can be getting the motivation and the courage to start baking in the first place. Sometimes you’ll buy the ingredients but not bake bread for a while. Sometimes you’ll give up at the dough stage and put it in the bin, believing that it just isn’t going to come together. And sometimes you’ll go through the process and we forget the yeast and the bread won’t rise. I know this is hard. If you’re struggling with bread-making resistance or having the courage to start, you might want to have a read of this and this ).

--

Now, back to our process and the the deceiving fifth step.

I mean, everything until then seems pretty simple. . The bread is baked, the hard work is done, there’s fresh bread on the table and life feels goooood.

Well, not so fast.

Introducing the little talked about last step:

Step Five: What happens when the bread is brought to life

Sometimes you get so focused on making the bread, that you forget that stage five can be the ultimate decider of whether you decide to bake ever again.

It can be the deciding factor of whether you let anyone taste your bread again, whether you put all of your ingredients in the bin and decide never to even try to make bread again, or come to the decision that your yeast will never be good enough and your bread won’t ever rise like you wanted it to so what even is the point?

Basically a shit tonne of things happen during this stage that we don’t really talk about as creatives.

Step five is ultimately about whether you continue creating. It’s about your life as a creative and it’s about whether you put the things only you can do into the world, or whether you convince yourself that the world doesn’t need what you have to offer.

(Spoiler alert: it really really does. We all need the things only you can do).

A LOT is at stake here.

There are a lot of things that can happen to bread once you’ve taken it out of the oven.

Maybe:

• Your bread is delicious, you eat it all yourself (and you thoroughly enjoy every mouthful).

• You decide that regardless of how the bread turns out, you are in LOVE with the process of making bread

• You share your bread with friends and they love it

• You put your bread in the bread bin and look forward to eating it later and feel satisfied knowing it’s there

• Your bread is so good that you get asked to make it for family and friends and start wondering whether it’s worth thinking about selling it at your local farmer’s market

• You bring your bread to an event and it and every breadcrumb is eaten

• You decide your bread is good but you’ve got ideas of how it can be even better and get started on making a new loaf straight away

• You share your bread often and start getting recognised as someone who makes good bread which makes you feel great

• You decide to put your bread in the freezer so you can enjoy it later and go back to it another time

These are the things you know you want deep down, and it takes courage to admit to them out loud. These things might actually prevent you from baking bread in the first place, because you’re so intent on making great bread that it just puts you off.

Or maybe (and I think it’s fair to say that you worry about these things the most):

• Your bread just doesn’t rise

• You share your bread with friends and they say they love it, but you know they’re not actually a huge fan

• You leave your bread in the oven for too long and it burns

• Your brain is just alright, nothing special, nothing to write home about

• You share your bread and no one eats it

• You put your bread in the bread bin

• You get your bread out of the oven and it hasn’t risen

• You take your bread to a party and never find out if anyone ate it or what they thought

• You bake bread for a special occasion and the reaction is underwhelming to say the least

• You put the bread in the bread bin, and forget it’s there and it goes stale

I mean, that list alone is enough to make anyone never bake bread again. But please, bare with me, don’t close the tab. It gets better, I promise..

What if you could take the pressure off, even a little bit?

What if you reframed the whole art of baking bread?

What if you decided that the process of making the bread was more important than the outcome?

What if you decided to focus less on the bread-eaters and take back some of that power?

What it making bread for yourself was the main aim and the rest was bonus?

What if you took your stale bread and used it to make something else (bread and butter pudding? croutons for soup?)

What if you took your burned bread and put it outside and gave it to the birds?

What if you decided that the people who need your bread will find it?

What if you decided that your recipe was special despite what bread-haters may have to say?

What if, instead of giving it one, two or three shots, you kept going, continually improving and believing that each loaf has a lesson to teach you?

Because here’s the thing, bread-makers. Listen up.

This is where you need to get that hard crust sorted.

Not all of your bread is going to be good. Sometimes it won’t rise, sometimes it won’t make it to the oven, sometimes you will forget about it and it will go mouldy, and sometimes people won’t like it.

Sometimes you’ll make the best loaf ever and find that you can’t replicate it. Sometimes you’ll repeat the process with surprising results. Sometimes you will wonder if you should bother baking at all.

Sometimes, the art of baking will set your soul on fire and you will know exactly why you bake, and know that regardless of how it comes out, you were born to bake.

Sometimes you will share your loaf and it will change your life and someone else’s life.

Sometimes you won’t know why you bake, but you’ll carry on anyway.

Sometimes you will forget just how much baking is part of you until you remember it again.

This is the life of a baker.

And here are some truths.

If you decide it’ll probably be shit before you’ve even begun, there’s a good chance it will be, because you’re not giving yourself the chance to let go. Explore what it could be and see what happens.

If your sole definition of success is whether people like your bread, then you will fail. You risk everything if you create just for the bread-eaters. You risk your integrity, you risk compromising your yeast and you risk losing yourself along the way. There will be people who simply can’t get enough of your bread and that’s great  - but remember, you don’t have to change the recipe for them.

You have to find a reason for baking bread beyond things that makes your ego feel good. And if you’re making bread, or even thinking of making bread in the first place, then you have a deeper reason. Go find it.

Finding it is what will keep you baking on the hard, lonely days when you feel like no one cares about your baking and you’re not making a difference.

Because you also won’t always get to see who eats your bread and who likes your bread

You won’t always get to see the breadcrumbs you leave and where they lead people.

You won’t get to see all of the lives you’ve changed - in big, small and medium ways.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

I know you’re practical, I know you want to always be able to see results, and I know you need evidence, but sometimes you have to take the most pragmatic part of your brain and shake it up a bit.

Because part of being a baker is trusting.

Trusting that if it doesn’t rise today, it will rise tomorrow.

Trusting if that people don’t like you bread, then maybe you’ve yet to find your people.

Trusting that no one can make bread the way you do

Trusting that you’re leaving behind breadcrumbs which are slowly changing the world.

Even if you take nothing else away from this very far fetching bread analogy, take this:

All you can do is keep making bread, keep putting it on the table and trust that the people who are hungry for the bread that you alone can make will come and grab a slice and leave crumbs along the way.

Keep mixing, keep baking, keep creating.

Whatever you do, just keep making the bread.

Because your bread? The way you bake it?

It changes the world even though you can’t always see it.

Make the bread. Put it on the table, and go make more dough.

That is the life of a baker.

“The art of bread making can become a consuming hobby, and no matter how often and how many kinds of bread one has made, there always seems to be something new to learn.” -- Julia Child

** The bread analogy was inspired by a wonderful conversation I had with Rebecca Thering for The Couragemakers Podcast on the topic of believing that you make a difference even if you can’t see the breadcrumbs you leave or who picks them up, and also the importance of taking the time to thank people who inspire you.

During Shit Times, Just Do The Necessary

We’ve all been there. You’re in the middle of a creative project, you’ve got a huge important deadline, or you’re running a business and something happens.  

Maybe it’s a period of health issues, a family crisis, a break-up, or something else. But it knocks the sails out of you and you need time, space and energy to deal with life.

This post is half permission slip and half a bunch of practical ways you can cope when life goes wonky, you have unexpected bad stuff to deal with but somehow you’ve still got to keep going.

If you’re reading this, I’m going to assume that life is feeling pretty tough at the moment.

Well, first of all - you’re not alone. A whole lot of people are down there in the trenches with you right now, even if they don’t all talk about it.

So, life’s not going to plan, right?

But even though you don’t know how the fuck you’re going to manage it, you have things that have to get done.

Those things might suddenly feel meaningless, pointless, a waste of your time, but I think we all learn the hard way that the world keeps turning even when our own world feels like it’s been put into a minuscule dark snow globe.

It’s okay. I’m just climbing out of my own trenches, and I’m lowering my hand down to lift you out too.

Now, first thing’s first: you need to give yourself permission to drop the non-urgent stuff and focus on what’s essential. Now this comes down to two things:

1. Giving yourself space and time to deal with what’s going on and generally look after yourself. (This includes the basic things that feel so impossible when life feels like it’s crashing down around us: showering, eating meals, keeping in contact with friends, taking tablets etc)

1. Making the decision that for now, you only need to do the absolute essential things

As people who do a lot of things, the second one might send off a huge alarm in your mind.

That’s okay - the resistance is very much normal. From experience, though, I can tell you that whether you make the decision consciously or not, it’s going to be the one thing that gives you the time and the space you need.

By essential, I mean the things that simply HAVE to get done.

If you work for yourself, that’s looking at your work schedule and working out where you have flexibility and what deadlines you absolutely can’t change (more on this later). If you’re employed, it’s making sure that you’ve done what you can to take the time off you need (all work manuals/HR policies should give you information about compassionate leave/sick leave etc) or if you’re not able to/want to take time off, it’s about getting friendly with this idea of doing the bare minimum while things feel tough. (I know this is scary and uncomfortable for us overachievers, but we have to choose ourselves first).

If you’re not employed, it’s about looking at your daily activities, and schedule and seeing what can go. It’s about being really honest to the people around you what’s going on and asking for help where people can help you.

(A side note about asking for help - the people who love and support you really do mean it when they ask you to let them know if there’s anything they can do. They want to help you and they want to feel useful, so if there is something they can do, please let them).

It all comes down to these two simple notions:

1.Do what you have to.

2. Done is better than perfect (if you can get away with it, do the bare minimum)

If you’re a creative…

and you don’t feel like creating or you’re unable to create, try to find a way to be okay with that and trust that it will return. Believe me, I know how scary it is, but sometimes you just need to give it a bit of space and put a bit of faith in your creative magic. (I really recommend Liz Gilbert’s book Big Magic if you’re looking to cultivate a really good relationship with your creativity).

If you work for yourself…

do the work you must. That might look like having honest conversations with clients who have a more flexible timeline, or it might look like revising scopes of work. If this isn’t possible, aim to get to a place where you’re doing only the things that you have to. You’ll have time for the more fecky/niggly admin-y things at a later date - now is just for reaching the deadlines you absolutely have to meet, and giving yourself grace at the same time.

If you’re trying to get projects off the ground…

and something happens right in the middle, remember that there will be time to get back to it. Try not to fall into the ‘everything happens for a reason’ trap and feel that you’re destined to not start/fail.  If you’re able to, write down a quick note of where you’re at and your ideas so you know where you were when you get back to it.

This situation, exactly as it is right now, is only temporary.

You might find your life is going to be a lot different than it was before - you might find that you have to carve out a new normal, but it’s not always going to feel this hard. And you don’t have to sort out and work out how everything is going to be right now.

For one, that’s impossible. With all the planning in the world, you don’t know how you’re going to feel and unfortunately magic eight balls are still a pile of shit.. A lot of the time it’s just a case of taking it day by day, and making the roadmap as you go along.

Secondly, now isn’t the time for big decisions. Instead, focus on looking after yourself the best you can, being there for yourself as well as the people who need you, and what you can do to make your life a bit easier right now.

Take the pressure off, my love. Life is tough enough as it is.

It really is okay to say no to things and to do only the absolutely essential things right now.

And if you’re in the need of some gentle reminders for when life goes wonky, I’ve written some here that might help.

Although it doesn’t feel like it right now while things aren’t necessarily go back to being the same, things will be okay. You are so much stronger than you think.

5 Gentle Reminders for When Life Goes Wonky

**Hello Couragemakers! I am so happy to be back after a pretty long break - a lot longer than I expected. A lot of things have happened during my time away which I won’t bog you down with, but let’s just say that it’s been a pretty ugly couple of months, which involved losing someone close to me, a health scare and trying to find a new normal.**

Sometimes life throws you things you could never have predicted and things can get pretty shitty. While my next post is going to be all about practical things you can do when life’s going wonky, for now, I want to share the things that have really helped me during tough times.

They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade - but no matter what beautiful Pinterest quote may try to convince you otherwise, sometimes it’s just not possible.

So instead of faux positivity and making yourself feel shit about feeling shit, I’ve put together some reminders for you to come back to when life is hurling lemons at you like it’s the Olympics. (Printable below!)

1. You are allowed time and space and most people will respect that. Sometimes you need to find a way to carve it out, but remember that little moments count too.

2. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Try not to judge yourself on how you’re feeling - feeling shit about feeling shit just doesn’t help.

3. You can grieve a lot of things. You can grieve over losing someone you loved, grieve over what you thought your life would be, grieve over periods of your life and grieve over breaking up with a friend. Grief is complicated, and we don’t all experience it the same. Your experience will be as unique as your fingerprint, and that’s okay.

4.You don’t have to pretend that everything’s okay. Try peeling your mask off bit by bit to for people who love and support you and let them help, because they want to help. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of great strength.

5. How you’re feeling right now is temporary. One day soon this will be a memory.

Those reminders might be all you need and the only things you can take in right now. If that’s the case, here’s a quick printable to put somewhere you see often. 

Gentle Reminders For When Life Goes Wonky

If you know someone who's going through a hard time right now, this might just be what they need to hear, so feel free to pass this on.

I’ll see you back in a couple of days for some practical ways of dealing with life’s lemons.

In the meantime, I'd love to know what has helped you during hard times.

Let me know in the comments!

Transparency & Privilege: A Call To Action For Online Business Owners And Creatives

There’s something that’s been on my mind for a while now, which I’ve struggled to put into words and felt pretty nervous to write about. And if online businesses and blogging have taught me anything, it’s that when you feel like that, that’s *exactly* when you should be hitting publish and starting the conversation.

So here’s what I’ve been wanting to talk about:

Putting all our cards on the table and being transparent about our circumstances (and our privileges) when working online.

I remember when I was starting out - blogging, building an online business, freelancing - how much I bought into the myths of passive income, earning six figures within your first year and life becoming a beautiful Instagram feed. Mainly because it was EVERYWHERE. And when you’re provided with enough proof, sometimes the sceptic in you bites the bullet and decides to take it on (even if only partially) as truth.

I also remember that when I was starting out, I was in a pretty dark place and was looking for an alternative. I hated my job and I started to wonder about different ways of doing things, and that’s how I stumbled upon the online business world. I fell in love with the idea of lifestyle design, building a business around your passions and using your skills and strengths to build a life you love. And I’m still in love with those things. But I also discovered the empire that is online business gurus and the art of making ‘easy’ money online.

It was really exciting, and I know I’m not alone in this. A lot of people come across this whole world of online business and content creating from a similar place: hating the job they have, feeling unfulfilled and in the midst of an existential crisis or looking for a way to combine their strengths, skills and talents in a way that not only brings in an income, but makes the world a brighter place.

But when you’re going through a shit time, you’re more vulnerable than normal. You’re more susceptible than normal to really buying into this projected idealised life, because you want SO bad to believe it’s true. And an awful lot of marketers will try to capitalise on that. (I’ve also learned that there are also wonderful people doing great things about ethical marketing, running a business and selling).

Now, I’m really not judging - it’s certainly been one of my stories.

But three years down the line, I don’t feel that way, and I’ve woken up to smell the bullshit. While there are some great resources out there to help you build an authentic and ethical business, they definitely seem to be in the minority.

The online business world in general is very different. It has become a lot more nuanced than just showing beautiful women with laptops on a beach in Australia and the idealised life is being perpetuated even more (I wrote more in more depth about the nuances here).

Now, instead of being framed as a possible alternative, the story has changed. Instead, a lot of people in the industry are selling this whole starting your online business thing with an unwritten pact of promises. You can have your website up within a matter of days, start selling from day one, and work your way to Passive Income Paradise within your first month, right?

Welllllll…

It’s not that you can’t earn a good income from your online business, have a really fulfilling career and love the work you do. You can. And people do.

But a lot of people starting out on this path, a lot of the experts?

People can be pretty creative about what they omit from their stories.

It’s now increasingly easy to believe that everyone who has an online business is traditionally successful, is able to provide a full-time income for themselves, and dedicate their working life to building it.

But the truth is that a lot of the people that we all assume have it all figured out are doing it on the side as a part-time gig or still have a full-time job.

And there is nothing wrong with that. I repeat, there is nothing wrong with that.

The problem for me comes in deliberately not mentioning their circumstances. They’re not lying  - it’s just that a certain amount of truths have been…missed out.

It’s just that it’s not as simple or easy as people would make you believe, and there are certain things you need: extra time, energy, money and space to develop. And those things are privileges.

And most of the people online work really fucking hard. We make sacrifices, we make hard decisions and it’s far from a walk in the park. But we don’t talk about those things because they’re not as glamorous and we fear we’ll turn people off or look like a fraud.

But the opposite is true.  

It’s exactly when we project this glamorous image that the problems start.

The comparison starts, the expectations get higher, and people start to believe that they don’t have what it takes to be successful and that it’s never going to happen.

But it’s  when we start talking about our real circumstances and sharing our stories, instead of turning people off, we do the opposite. We reassure them, help them to feel less alone and give them the courage to keep going.

I can’t really blame those who don’t share the whole story, especially in a world where you’re supposed to be an expert and reputation is everything.

And I get it. It can be embarrassing -  shame-inducing even - to go on the record and be really honest about your behind the scenes, especially when it doesn’t match up to those widely perpetuated ideals.

But I think the power of telling your truths and sharing your real life stories are more important than pride or appearing like you have all your shit together (no one does).

It’s important in terms of genuine and authentic leadership and helping pave the path for the people who are just getting started. No one wants to have to wade through piles of bullshit before they even get to stage one.

Now, before you start worrying, this isn’t a call to arms for everyone to publish their income reports, every failure they’ve ever had and the colour of the knickers they happen to be wearing today. Sometimes it isn’t professional to share everything. It’s just not appropriate for some businesses.

Instead it’s a call to action to stop perpetuating the bullshit, and getting more conscious about what we put out there and what we omit.  

It’s a call to action to start having internal conversations about our privileges and how we let them play out in the way we show up online.

It’s a call to action to start thinking about what ideals and values we’re perpetuating, and whether we’re happy with what we’re showing. Both on social media and the conversations we have with our audiences, clients, customers and supporters.

It’s a call to action to stop giving such a wide platform and listening to those people who intentionally or not perpetuate those ideas.

It’s a call to actions to be proud and open about the way you’re building your business, and the circumstances you’re in. If you’re building your business (whatever that means to you) on the side, or you have a loving partner who’s helping you out financially while you get things stable, tell people about it. They’ll want to support you, and will eagerly be following along with your journey to see how things are going.

Together we HAVE to stop holding up this prescribed picture and start having the difficult conversations and get honest about our privileges.

I think if we can start to be transparent about our circumstances, then we can start to change the narrative.

And because I believe in walking the talk, I’ll go first. (Yes, this is scary). Here are my circumstances.

Along with That Hummingbird Life, I’m a graphic designer, working with wonderful doers, makers and world shakers to create colourful and quirky brands. Right now, graphic design,  is my main income, with THL starting to provide an income through coaching.

For the past two years I’ve been living with Mr. Meg’s family which has meant my overheads, both business wise and personal wise, have been much lower. This has allowed me to extend my options of how I work, and how I can focus on building and playing the long game. We’re moving next April, so a lot of plans need to come into fruition to provide the sustainable and predictable income I will need when going back to renting. Mr. Meg is traditionally employed with a regular pay-check, and I would be lying if I said this didn’t provide a safety net. It provides a lot of reassurance and I have little fear of being in a situation where I’m not able to meet my basic needs.

Couragemakers (and content creation for That Hummingbird Life) doesn’t bring in an income, and I’m passionate about remaining independent and advert free. Right now, I’m looking into Patreon as a way to both give Couragemaker listeners more value and build a community and to have the podcast bring in some money.

I’ve got a lot of plans to develop encouraging and rebel-rousing projects and products, and it’s my hope that I’m going to be starting to release them soon. Right now, I’m in the process of figuring out my project and product schedule through to the new year. I know that there’s no such thing as passive income and that marketing will be a huge part of making this work, so I’m also learning about ethical selling and what will feel good to both Couragemakers and myself.

I write a lot about dream-chasing and putting the things only you can do into the world.  I think transparency is the way forward when it comes to dream chasing, talking about how we’re working towards our dreams and the circumstances that let us invest energy and time into them. I always strive to be bullshit-free in everything I do, and it’s my hope that this post can start the conversation about being transparent online and standing behind our truths with pride.

So tell me, Couragemakers - what is your story? What are you afraid to be transparent about? What do you think could change if you got really honest about your stories? Let me know in the comments below!

Why It’s Important To Take a Creative Break From The Work You Love

The blog is back! After a creative break this summer, I’m so excited to go back to blogging at least once a week, and I have SO many posts planned to help you shine brighter, put yourself out in the world as you are and thrive wholeheartedly in a world that sometimes feels like it’s falling apart!

Today I want to talk about taking creative breaks, because as I’ve realised over the summer, they’re pretty fucking important.

And because of how important they are, this is going to be the first of a four-part series about creative breaks because I really want to take you behind the scenes, help you to plan your own break and add some much needed sustainability to the online world. So in this series, I’m also going to be sharing the Behind The Scenes of My Creative Break, The 10 Things I Learned About Creative Breaks That Are Helpful For Any Creative and How To Take Your Own Creative Break.

For today I want to share why a break is SO important for both our creative souls and the soul of our creative work. 

I don’t know about you, but as creatives and multi-passionates who do our work both online and offline, it can be pretty easy to buy into the myth that you need to be creative machine:

You need to be producing amazing work constantly, effortlessly and tirelessly. You then need to spend a good chunk of time getting that work seen and marketing yourself to the point of sometimes feeling sleazy. You can’t stop because the people you look up to and compare yourself to aren’t stopping. You need to create and repeat without the thought of a break, knowing the minute you step away people will forget about you, you’ll get creatively blocked and it will all be for nothing.

Well that’s just bullshit.

BREATHE, my friend, because it just isn’t true.

The people who are touting that? Chances are they also glorify burnout as a badge of honour, and think that making yourself physically ill is just part of the course. (Which it isn’t and doesn’t have to be).

And those people? Well, they’re not our people.

If you’ve been around here a while, you’ll know that around this part of town, it’s about being aligned with your values, shining brightly in the world while keeping your own light lit and putting yourself out into the world in a way that feels good.

It’s about not burning out, and doing the work that only we can do in a way that works for us.

It’s about working in a sustainable way and knowing that looking after yourself isn’t selfish but essential. 

It’s about doing things differently.

Because here’s the thing.

Your creativity can’t exist in that vacuum or that machine. First of all, the pressure will kill any creative ideas you have.  Secondly and more importantly, forcing yourself to work like a machine isn’t great for your mind or your body, and I’m pretty sure you know this already from experience (I know I do).

If you value your creativity - and if you’re reading this, I’m betting you do - then you need to take care of it. Ergo, you need to take care of yourself.

It’s about protecting the work you love so that it can continue to bring you joy, bring your gifts to the world and so it doesn’t become the work you hate.

But more than that, it’s about looking after you.

You need to give yourself space, time and energy to re-inspire yourself, feed your soul and be you.

You are so much more than the work you do, the gifts you give the world and the things you put out there.

I know what you’re thinking: that sounds great and all, but I haven’t got the time. It might be great for other people, but for not me.

Repeat after me: taking a break isn’t a luxury or a grand idea.

It’s pretty fucking essential, and it doesn’t have to cost you the world.

It doesn’t have to be some five-star experience that only the super wealthy and super privileged can do. It doesn’t have to be something you can only do when you’ve hit a certain level of success.

If you feel like in order to have to be rolling in it or have complete freedom to have a creative break, let’s break this apart  a bit and get thinking outside the box (which is what we do, right?)

Everyone has a different set of circumstances and different levels of availability, flexibility and time, and I believe that everyone can take a some sort of creative break. (I’m going into much more detail in future posts).

Let’s bust some myths about what a creative break looks like:

You don’t have to have three weeks or three months. Instead, you could try to have better boundaries around your time on a day-to-day basis. Maybe you stop working at a certain time and get stricter about what work (if any) you do on the weekend. You could plan a one day retreat for yourself every month.

You don’t have to do something tremendously exciting and impressive sounding.  You could curl up with your favourite film or your favourite film and be reminded why you do what you do in the first place.

In the name of putting everything out there and being really honest about my own circumstances, I can tell you that during my creative break, I was living with Mr. Meg’s family, without the pressure of having to pay a huge amount of rent or bills. During my creative break I took on some big graphic design projects. (I’m going to be posting a behind-the-scenes look at my creative break soon, so you can find out more about how I used the break!)

You might have more flexibility and time, you might have a whole lot less, but you can take a creative break.It’s time to do what you do best - get creative!

And really, here’s what it all comes down to:

Taking a creative break from the work you love is how you sustain doing the work you love

It’s all about taking care of the work you love.

And sustainability has to be a big part of the conversation if you want to keep going.

(If you're interested in sustainability and playing the long game, you'll love this Couragemakers episode I recorded with Mary Ann Clements.)

You can’t live from passion alone - at some point you need to take responsibility of your gifts and give them what they need to grow. Sometimes that’s time and space. Sometimes that’s adding different flavours of creativity to your life, and sometimes that’s carving out a set amount of time to feed your soul.

You have so much to give the world, and the world needs what only you can do.

But it’s not just about that. It’s not just about looking after yourself and your creativity so you can do more and you can be more.

It’s about realising that taking a break is good for your soul, so you can feel more you, you can evaluate/reflect and work to create a life you love, and so that you can be your wonderful, authentic self.

If you want to take a creative break this month, I'm a part the Jijaze Virtual Replenishment Away Day on 20th September where we're going to be talking about replenishment and self-care and why they are a key part of our work to make a difference in the world. Join the Away Day here! 

8 Untranslatable Words Every Creative Needs To Know

8 Untranslatable Words Every Creative Needs To Know

It’s fair to say that as kind-hearted creatives, we spend a lot of the time feeling like we’re swimming against the tide. We contemplate things which others think are plain odd (my Dad is SO sick of being asked if he’d rather be a bench or a tree) and generally spend a lot of time thinking about abstract ideas, about the meaning of life and the impact we want ourselves and our work to have on the world.

Sometimes it feels like no one gets us, and it can be a lonely experience.

Recently I was inone of my favourite shops, and I stumbled upona wonderful book about untranslatable words. Experiences and emotions that have no easy English translation. Things that are common place in other countries and cultures; experiences a lot of us have.

As creatives, we love using words to explain, ponder on and validate our thoughts, ideas and experiences. We like to make ourselves understood, and we’re often good at it. But do the experiences that we can’t quite describe become lost somehow when they can’t be contained within a singular word?

It was with this thought in mind that I started exploring untranslatable words that have real meaning and speak to the experiences of us as creatives and multi-passionates. Today I’m sharing them because I’m hoping they make you feel less alone, and because they’re too beautiful not to share. (I’ve included a list of pretty irrelevant funny ones at the bottom that made me smile).

Querencia (Spanish):

'Describes a place where we feel safe, a ‘home’ (which doesn’t literally have to be where we live) from which we draw our strength and inspiration. In bullfighting, a bull may stake out a querencia in a part of the ring where he will gather his energies before another charge' via The Book of Life

I have a couple of querencias. The main one is a nice coffee shop with a cup of hot chocolate and earphones in. Here I find space to think, a lot of my ideas and I leave with a bounce in my step. What about you?It’s so important to have somewhere to go to recharge your batteries and get more lightbulbs. It doesn’t have to be glamorous. It could be a corner of your apartment with a lovely cushion.

Fika (Swedish):

'A traditional break from work usually involving a drink of coffee or tea. In Swedish offices, you are strongly expected to take a fika, no matter how busy you are. You should not discuss business matters, but chat pleasantly with your colleagues and get to know those above and below you in the official pecking order. It’s democracy and community in a beverage.' via Collective Hub

I’ve been thinking about how this can really translate to the online world. For those of us whose creativity mainly exists online, we end up finding ‘colleagues’ online, where we can get together, support each other and also recommend the best TV shows. For me, taking a fika happens both through skype calls with online friends and twitter breaks when my brain feels fried. I’m really up for really celebrating a good fika - we often discard these times as procrastinating, but I don’t think it’s possible to overestimate the power of taking a break and just chatting shit with friends!

Litost (Czech):

'The humiliated despair we feel when someone accidentally reminds us, through their accomplishment, of everything that has gone wrong in our lives. They casually allude to a luxurious house they are renting for the holidays. They mention the glamorous friends they have had for dinner. We feel searing self-pity at the scale of our inadequacies.' via Untranslatable

Oh, friends. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Mindlessly scrolling through Instagram and ending up having an existential crisis about how we got here and what went wrong. I don’t know about you, but knowing there’s a word exclusively about that experience makes me feel better. I know we talk about comparison-itis, but it’s really reassuring knowing that it’s an experience in its own right. (And if you do struggle with this, unfollow those people who invoke litost - you’ll feel better!

Wabi-Sabi (Japanese):

'The quality of being attractive because of being imperfect in some way. Instead of getting annoyed and upset by imperfections, which are experienced as spoiling something, wabi-sabi suggests that we should see the flaw itself as being part of what is charming. Can apply to pots, furniture, houses – and whole lives.' via Collective Hub

Ooh this is one of my favourites! And a topic that often comes up on The Couragemakers Podcast. This idea that perfection can actually give instead of take away. I remember I used to get really sad when I accidentally bent notebooks, got pen on the cover or if they look battered. Now it reminds me of how happy I am they get used, and the adventures we’ve been on together. Imperfection can be the crack where the light gets in, where the real beauty lives. When we start celebrating imperfection as creatives, we give ourselves permission to experiment more, get adventurous and find alternatives.

Extrawunsch (German):

'Used to denote someone who is slowing things down by being fussy. It means an additional request which turns a simple delivery/operation/undertaking into a complicated one, often with only a marginal benefit and a sense of it being an unnecessary complication.' via Thought Catalogue

Ever had a pretty simple idea and before you know it, you’ve turned it into this massive tangled ball? I know that feeling only too well. It’s the reason I have a post it note next door to my desk which literally says ‘SIMPLIFY!’ next door to my desk. This is another one that I don’t think we ever really pay attention to. In our work, we can often become the obstacle in the way, because we want everything to be just right. So, here’s to becoming less of an extrawunsch and like Rebecca Thering said in her episode of Couragemakers, let done prioritise something being perfect!

Bricoleur (French):

 ‘A bricoleur is someone who starts building something with no clear plan, adding bits here and there, cobbling together a whole while flying by the seat of their pants.’ via io9

Come on, it’s not just me. We might like to think we’ve got everything together and everything is under control…but we don’t.  In fact, this might just describe the process of Couragemakers at the beginning! As creatives, all too often, we’re called flaky or seen as a bit of a reckless dreamer. But I say, let’s claim that. There is always method behind our madness; it might just be that the method is somewhat hidden from everyone - including ourselves. I like to think of being a bricoleur as being a painter. We start with no real idea and ideas come to us on the spot as the colours blend.

Torschlusspanik (German):

'This word literally means “gate-closing panic” and is used to describe the fear of diminishing opportunities as one ages.' (via Altalang.com)

I mean, how can you not love this word?! Gate. Closing. Panic. It’s all to familiar a feeling - worrying about how far we’ve come in the years we’ve had, and panicking that we don’t have enough time. As creatives, we’re all too aware of the pressure to have ‘made it’ by a certain age. But I have another suggestion - how about, instead of measuring our success with accolades and age, and instead by the amount of joy they bring?

Raaskia (Finnish):

To have the heart, courage to do something (via Dr. Tim Lomas)

Because at the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about.

Other untranslatable words that made me smile:

Tingo (Pascuense): The act of taking objects one desires from the house of a friend by gradually borrowing all of them

Age-Oteri  (Japanese) – To look worse after a haircut

Jayus (Indonesian):  A joke told so poorly and unfunny that one cannot help but laugh

Pisan zapra(Malay):The time needed to eat a banana.

Gheegle (Filipino):When something is so ridiculously cute that you want to pinch it

Which word spoke most to you? Let me know in the comments below!