A Permission Slip For Friendly People-Pleasing Introverts

Because you don't have to be a sounding board for the world and her cat, people-pleaser or not.

A huge myth about introverts is that we’re all these quiet timid people. I call bullshit.

Some of the most chatty people I know are introverts — people who can fill silence with non-stop chatter, who end up chatting to any one on the bus and like to have a good loud laugh.

But that doesn’t mean that we’re these extroverted outgoing folks who love nothing more than a good natter.

Not at all.

For some of us, that friendliness and chatty-ness comes with a price: our energy.

Being a friendly introvert can be hugely exhausting. While extroverts get their energy from spending time with other people, introverts get their energy through time alone, thinking, reflecting and having time to just be.

So while we might enjoy a good chat, that doesn’t mean we want to socialise every minute of the day.

Because we are chatty, people think we’re naturally extroverted. They don’t realise that sometimes all we want is a moment of silence. It’s not that we don’t enjoy other people’s company, it’s just that we don’t want it all the time (FYI that’s okay).

And as friendly people-pleasing introverts, I think it’s fair to say that we give away a lot of our energy rather than sticking up for ourselves, because we don’t want to be rude.

As introverts, we also soak up atmospheres like sponges, and we pick up on subtle changes in the environment. So when shit feels awkward, we go into verbal diarrhoea mode, and try and desperately fill the void.

When we notice someone’s feeling down, we want to do something about it. We’re always on the go, always sensing what other people need and we end up putting everyone in front of ourselves, and wonder why we feel so drained and exhausted.

If you’re reading this and you relate, join the gang (and by join, I reassurance from the comfort of your own private space that you’re not the odd one out, and there are a lot of people who feel similarly).

Your time and your energy are two of the most precious things you have. And it is your right to defend them as fiercely as you can.

It’s not rude to put your earphones on and block out the world for a while when you’re out shopping if you know people have a tendency of seeking you out as a friendly soul to pour their heart out to.

It’s okay not to want to make friends with everyone you meet. Whether you’re in an airbnb, at a new job or taking a course, you don’t have to give everyone your undivided attention and reluctantly go out for drinks because you think you should.

While you are a bright, wonderful person to be around and you can chat to anyone, it doesn’t mean you have to be that for everyone.

So stop entertaining people who like one-sided conversations about themselves and know you’re too polite to excuse yourself from the conversation even though you’re bored fucking rigid and you couldn’t give less of a shit about the problem they’re having with Sheila in the office.

It’s not your role to make people feel better about themselves. It’s not your role to be a sitting duck for people who are too self absorbed to know that you don’t give a shit.

It’s not your duty to spend your precious time and energy with people you’re not particularly fussed on chatting about the weather and the increasing price of bread.

And while the world might tell you otherwise, you don’t need to say yes every time your friends as you out, or respond immediately to every message. If it becomes an issue or you want to set clear expectations, start an honest conversation.

The time we have alone? It’s that time that gives us our sparkle to begin with.

So don’t let the world dampen your sparkle because of not wanting to appear rude.

You can be assertive without being a dick.

Chances are the things you think are rude are things that most people do without giving it a second thought.

So my fellow friendly introverts, know that that you don’t have to be a soundboard for the universe and its cat, and know that there is nothing wrong with you.

The world is built for extroverts, but that doesn’t mean there’s not a place for you in it.

Introducing The Couragemakers Podcast

In extremely exciting news, The Couragemakers Podcast launched this week! And it has blown my mind. I started Couragemakers because I wanted to speak to women all over the world, women like you and me - mission driven doers, makers and world shakers, about their dreams, their stories, and get really vulnerable and courageous about what sets them on fire as well as the monsters that hide under their beds.

Because putting stuff in the world takes a shitload of courage, and sometimes it feels like a lonely and scary place.

And I wanted to start a movement (download the beautiful manifesto here).  A movement of women choosing ourselves, owning and sharing our stories, and embracing and celebrating our every day courage.

I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying the experience, how much I have been blown away by the conversations I've had. How honest they've been, how inspiring every woman I've spoken to has been, and how willing they are to share their stories to help others.

This has been such a journey for me. Going from a job that sucked the soul out of me, left me feeling a shell of the person I once was, and feeling like I had nothing to give to the world, to THIS - it's amazing. I feel like I'm using my strengths and skills to put the great shit into the world I was meant to. It's been vulnerable as hell, but seriously, I am enjoying every second of it. (Well, perhaps not when the editing goes wrong, or the mic plays up... but you get what I mean.) 

I even released a prequel where I got SERIOUSLY vulnerable and honest about my vision for the podcast and why I started the podcast. 

If you haven't checked out the podcast and you're a mission-driven doer, maker or world shaker, I think you're going to really enjoy the honest and vulnerable conversations we're having.

If you want to subscribe on iTunes click here.

If you use Android, click here.

And because I'm all about celebrating the shit out of your wins, here's how the Couragemakers has gone down this week. (Eg. This is really surreal, and holy shit this is fantastic!)

The reactions and support have been AMAZING:

Finally getting started on the brand new #Couragemakers Podcast today! @megkissack Because I could always use more inspiration

— Ashley Lorelle (@ash_lorelle) March 2, 2016

Loving the #Couragemakers manifesto by @megkissack - now displayed behind my computer to remind me what's important pic.twitter.com/5GzllRMsIN

— Kate (@iamkateevans) March 2, 2016

If you haven't checked out @megkissack's podcast get you are missing out my friend. https://t.co/WhZg2d9W6G

— Melissa Hebbe (@melissahebbe) March 3, 2016

@megkissack Found your blog this week and have been bingelistening to your podcast, Meg! I'd love to take part in your twitter chat :)

— Wendy (@TheGratefulist) March 3, 2016

Congrats @megkissack on the launch of The CourageMakers Podcast today! Go listen, it's amazing & Meg is lovely! https://t.co/MejbpvRD9n

— Michelle Anneliese (@manneliesemedia) February 29, 2016

New #Podcast launched #Couragemaker by @megkissack Important and inspiring conversations. Cheer up this rainy day and listen to it.

— AnabelRoqueRodriguez (@anabelroro) February 29, 2016

Literally cried reading @megkissack's Couragemakers Manifesto. Want to know how I feel about life? Read it! https://t.co/kuqvTOAmko

— Maria Northcott (@asweetstart) February 29, 2016

Umm, New & Noteworthy in iTunes?

AHHHH!!

Screen Shot 2016-03-03 at 21.30.13

My aim right now is to spread this podcast to every woman that needs it. I'm doing this by trying to get it into the top 16 of iTunes New & Noteworthy. If it gets into that exclusive spot, then it will be seen by literally millions of people. Think how many people we could inspire through that! If you want to help get it out to the world in a BIG way, leave a review/rating on iTunes and subscribe following this link here! 

And this came from a woman who thought she might be able to make something kind of cool and put it off for a year because she didn't have the confidence, was being scared of being visible and didn't like the sound of her own voice.

Here's to courage and spreading it like fucking wildfire.

Photo on 04-02-2016 at 14.25

Stop Playing It Safe

I could bet you my future wedding with Macklemore/Ryan Gosling that you don't want to be Regular Joe From The Status Quo. Why? Because you're here, you're reading this blog for a start.

I know you want to make a difference. You want to live a wholehearted life. You don't want to be the same as anyone else.

You have dreams bigger than a supersize Big Mac. And that's not ok. That's fucking amazing. The world needs more people like YOU.

But sometimes, like me, you fall into the trap of playing safe.

And let's face it, sometimes it feels good to play safe. It's like being in your granny pants and PJs, wrapped up in bed with your favourite blanket, watching Netflix. You're in your comfort zone, it's familiar, it feels good.  And your inner critic isn't yelling its head off.

But when you play it safe, you're not honing your own skills, your talents, your unique genius that makes you YOU.

It's like making a bacon sandwich and forgetting to put the bacon in.

I'm not just talking about taking big risks like quitting your job tomorrow to move to Nashville and starting your life over as a songwriter (however, you could do just that and it would be awesome).

I'm sick of people talking about taking risks, and them all having a huge financial implications. 

Because there are so many ways you can change you life up, today, that are going to make huge differences to your life, improve your everyday and give you a much more wholehearted life which don't involve blowing your savings, moving halfway across the world or following someone else in blind faith.

What I'm talking about is the steps, you can take today, to enrich your life, put yourself out there in a way which is more bold, more courageous, more YOU. I'm talking about doing the things that set you apart, that make you feel alive and give you a sense of purpose in your life.

And those things could involve:

• starting a novel you've been telling yourself you'll write for the past decade

• sprucing up your wardrobe with bold colours - or even wearing the bold colours you own but you've not been sure of

• making time for your art

• starting a blog

• planning that trip

• learning a new way of using our skills

• volunteering

• starting an Etsy shop

• planning regular dance parties with your friends via Skype

or whatever keeps you up at night wondering and curious.

That's not to say the big risks aren't worth taking. Sometimes they're the only possible outcome when you're stuck in a rut. If I hadn't quit my job, packed up my life, moved in with my to-be-in-laws and started planing and saving for my around the world trip with Mr. Meg, I'd still be sobbing at the bottom of the stairs, scared shitless that my dreams were dying and working in an environment that made feel approximately 1.2 millimetres tall.

But I think as a whole, the world heralds those huge risks and overlooks the everyday things that feel terrifying that can also massively improve your life.

So what's one thing you can do today to stop playing safe? What's one thing that's going to make you feel proud of yourself when you fall asleep tonight?

You can deal with dreamshitters. What you can't deal with is a life un-lived.

What no one tells you about courage

I'm sat on the sofa, diagonally across from my best friend. We've been talking about recording a podcast episode (all about self care) long enough and today's the day that on a whim we're decided we're going to do it. We've written a list of what we want to talk about, the laptop is set up ready to go, and all that sits between us is the record button, Magic Mike (as my microphone has come to be nicknamed - it is pretty phallic) and one hell of a lot of fear.

I am scared shitless.

My stomach is doing that weird washing machine thing, my chest is just being a bit odd and I want to giggle and cry all at the same time.

All we need to do is start a conversation. And believe me, that's something we're pretty bloody good at.

But with a microphone? Nothing. I'm like a child on their first day of school.

It feels the same way as a trying to go to toilet when you're desperate but your mother in law/boss is in the next cubicle. Awkward, embarrassing and ultimately frustrating.

But I try. My best friend presses the record button. I  grimace, but she starts to talk at ease. She's a natural.

And then she starts to introduce me. Silence. Nothing. Nada. Not even a giggle.

I'm too caught up in my own head - what I sound like, how I don't know if I'll say something stupid, who will hear it - that I'm rendered speechless.

I'm hugely amazed by the proverbial balls my best friend has, for going for it and starting. Because starting is always the hardest.

So we try again

This time I push myself harder, reminding myself that we can easily delete it, that I'm with someone trust implicitly and the only difference between this conversation and the rest of our conversation is an inanimate object.

I close my eyes, and squeeze my thoughts from my brain to my mouth.

And this time, words form and they come out. I'm maintaining good eye contact with my best friend as she gives me reassuring looks and the conversation flows. Because not knowing what to say has never been our problem.

And before long, I'm seriously enjoying myself. I enjoy asking questions, I enjoy hearing her views and above all, I'm ridiculously happy to be a woman, sitting with another woman, sharing our stories and putting them out there in the world. It seems pretty radical. And pretty brave.

Because it is radical. And it is brave. Putting your story and your voice out there is always that way.

But there are so many reasons not to. There are so many reasons to get trapped by fear. That's always going to be the same with any dream you have.

But some point you have the force that voice out of your head and jump.

And stop analysing what's lying in your way. You have to stop looking at the wall you've built between yourself and your dreams and stop giving a label to each brick.

Some of my bricks were about how I've lost confidence and my confidence in my voice. Other bricks were simple labeled 'I am not enough.'

But focusing on the wall isn't going to get you over the wall. And it is 100% A-OK I'd you're not the first one over the wall, or if you have to watch someone else get over it first.

Asking for help, being reassured, and doing it with someone is what life is about. And once you stop thinking you have to do it all on you're own, you'll learn that there's a whole number of people out there who genuinely want to help.

And when you take that leap, you feel scared shitless to start off with, but invincible when you've done it. And there's nothing quite like taking that risk with someone you love.

Take it from me. Courage? It's contagious.

(And addictive!)

!

Why stepping outside of your comfort zone is like being in a dystopian novel

The other day I saw a card that read ‘stepping out of your comfort zone has never killed anyone’. At the time, I chuckled and kept on walking. I was on the way home from work and when you’re commuting in London, you don’t really stop, stare and think. (People will stand on you.)

Stepping outside of your comfort zone doesn’t mean auditioning for a Broadway Musical, or walking down your nearest high street stark bollocks naked. Though, if that’s your thing - go for it.

Stepping outside of your comfort zone is more about recognising where your comfort zone is, figuring out how often you step outside of it, and looking at the WHY.

It’s about and deciding that your desire to live life to the full is bigger than coming face to face with your fears. It’s about and seeing how far your potential stretches. It’s about knowing that you may fail, and doing it anyway.

It’s like dystopian novels, where the main character figures out the walls that they thought were built around them to protect them, restrain them.

They’ve become so afraid of what’s outside of the world, that it takes a long time to question the purpose of the wall.

They’re terrified of life outside the walls and it takes a while to see that life beyond the walls gives them more freedom, adventure and ability to be, than the walls that cage them.

Stepping outside of your comfort zone? It's learning that there’s more to life than the box we’ve built for ourselves.

Stepping outside of our comfort zone is about seeing if those wing you've been building for yourself will let you fly.