Unhidden Creativity & The Personal Cost Of Sharing Your Creativity Online

If you put yourself out there on a regular occasion, by showing your life and your work online or IRL, this is for you. And if you dream of one day doing that, this is definitely for you. When I started That Hummingbird Life - nearly 3 years ago now - shit really started to change. I didn’t anticipate just how much of myself I would put out there, I didn’t foresee how much it would spark my creativity and I didn’t realise how much joy I would find along the way.

And it’s been one heck of a journey:

For one, fear and I have learned how to have a less hostile relationship

With lots of practice, I’ve overcome the nerve of pressing publish on particularly vulnerable blog posts. I’ve got to really enjoy the art of putting all of your messy complicated bits online and hearing ‘me too’ echoed right back.

I’m more creative than I have ever been and I love the routine of creating, writing and putting things out there three times a week.

Oh and I love having the excuse to have epic-ly deep and honest conversations for The Couragemakers  Podcast every week.

Now, I know I’m not alone in this. So many of the creatives I admire put themselves out there on a daily basis; showing their work, their process and their stories.

And lately, I’ve started to wonder about the other side of things. If it can, in fact hinder our creativity and take something away from it.

While we remain intensely creative for the majority of the time, does it come with a less rosy flip side?

When everything creative we do is made with the intention of being seen, does it start to affect our work?

I think it does.

When you’re creating something knowing you will be sharing it, I think it is impossible not to have some kind of lens in which your work is made with, or some level of censorship, no matter how conscious of it you are or not.

We’ve all written things and pressed the backspace button repeatedly. Maybe it's because it steps into a realm of things we’ve decided we don’t want to talk about publicly (for me, that’s everything to do with my family, the ins and outs of me and Mr. Meg’s relationship and anything that could compromise someone I love), or perhaps it paints us in a bit of a shitty light

We’ve all had things we want desperately to talk about or put into our work but we can’t - perhaps because we don’t want to air our personal laundry in public, or because we know sometimes it’s only going to invite a shitstorm into our lives that we simply don’t have the energy for.

And because. let’s face it, sometimes there are aspects of our lives that we want to stay hidden, or things we want to struggle in the dark about, and we have a right to do just that.

But lately I’ve been starting to think about how only doing creative work that is seen might be doing us, our audiences and our mental health a disservice.

If we’re creating and putting everything we create online and cutting our the, let’s call them No Go Areas, how do we work through our own shit and get through our own hard times if we don’t feel we can't talk about them out loud?

While I’m a huge advocate for using your art to heal yourself and move outwards, if I’m being totally honest, I know somewhere along the line, I can see that I stopped doing creative things just for me.

I’ve been feeling more depressed, more anxious and I’ve started noticing that my mind is full of so much noise than it has been a while. I haven’t been processing some very real things and some cobwebs have started to fester in my brain. And I know that when I use my creativity to explore shit I’m going through, it makes all the difference in the world.

Putting my festering brain aside for a second, I think the missing link in all of this is that we simply stop creating for ourselves. We fail to realise that we can have the cake and eat it too. We can create things that will be seen and make the world a brighter place, and we can create things just for ourselves that remain hidden and un-seen as well.

I call it hidden creativity.

The art of doing things for your eyes only, and being able to go back to the magic of having your creativity heal yourself and make things brighter.

Let me ask you a couple of questions I’ve been asking myself lately:

When was the last time you created something for your eyes only?

When was the last time you gave yourself permission to create something and really fuck it up?

My friend, not everything needs to be shown. Our lives are complicated, messy, wonderful things, and sometimes we need to grab our creativity, hold onto it and use it for ourselves.

We need it to address parts of our lives that we might not be ready to talk about, we need to use it to unwind at the end of the day instead of seeing it as a part of our never ending to do list, and we need to start going back to how we started.

And that’s this passionate love affair with being able to express yourself, being able to use your creativity to heal yourself and use your creativity to take some time to really self-reflect and see what’s going on with you.

At some point you need to stop giving and keep some for yourself.

I’m reminded of the quote by the wonderful Maya Angelou: "You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.”

So friends, let’s reclaim our creativity and bring it back into our every day lives instead of just existing on our to-do and to-show lists.

Let’s stop censoring and let’s start creating for our eyes only.

The world will be so much more of a brighter place with all of you in it.

56 Things To Do Instead Of Watching/Reading The News

Wow. Some days the world feels really fucked up - those days seem to be happening more than not right now. And it can be really hard, especially as idealists and people working to put good shit in the world, to maintain any kind of hope, any kind of optimism and belief that there are good people in the world and great things do happen.

I think there’s a growing number of us who are starting to turn off the news, focus on our communities instead and on cultivating hope, not fear.

I mean, the news can be seriously addictive. And it can really contribute negatively to mental health issues - I know it definitely does for me. And this tweet really helped me:

If you find events trigger your mental health issues turn rolling news off. It doesn't mean you don't care. You're being responsible to you.

— Rae Earl (@RaeEarl) November 13, 2015

The way I see it, if constantly bombarding yourself with the news makes you feel like shit, you're doing a great disservice to yourself and the world.

And I get it, sometimes it’s hard to turn our eyes away from things as start to crash and burn. But it’s also fear-inciting, completely biassed and skips the thousands of random acts of kindness that happen everyday.

So today I thought I would share with you a list of 56 things you can do instead of watching the news. (And if you find the whole idea of not watching the news the same as abandoning your fellow humans/being selfish, I recommend you read this and this).

1. Just stop watching the news. Delete the apps and avoid the websites. Do it now!

2. Instead, focus on marginalised voices that talk about the shit that really matters in a way that matters

3. Switch normal news out for good news! I love the Good News Network that features good stories from around the world to restore your faith in humanity!

4. Learn to make the best hot chocolate ever. Here's some inspiration. 

5. Day dream - this is seriously underrated and so good for your brain. David Levitin has done a lot of research on the topic which he talks about here which is fascinating!

6. Read a magazine cover to cover and see what inspires you. My favourites are Flow, Psychologies and O, The Oprah Magazine

7. Write to a friend you haven’t seen in a while, and have fun decorating the envelope!

8. Find that list of books you wanted to read and make a start

9. Get your hands dirty and create some artwork for your living space

10. Create a killer playlist that makes you want to dance your socks off

11. Self publish and start your own zine. There's a whole world of zines out there, and we need your story added to the mix. Here's a great guide to get you started!

12. If you haven’t already, discover the world of podcasts. Download and play things that interest you and light you up instead of things that make you feel gloomy!

13. Re-watch one of your favourite teenage series, and remember just how young Rory Gilmore looked!

14. Actually start that colouring book you got bought last Christmas

15. Save money on takeaways and learn to make a mouth-watering Thai/Indian/Chinese/your favourite

16. Forget your adult-ing responsibilities and get yourself a some cereal and wake up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons

17. Rediscover the angsty music you loved when you were younger and realise how much of the appeal is still there! Seriously, My Chemical Romance...

18. Learn to make something with origami paper. If you need some inspiration, check out these cute stars!

19. Write a list of places you’ve been meaning to visit in your local area and actually go to them!

20. If you haven’t got one already, sign up for your local library and save some cash and support your local library at the same time - win, win!

21. Write a letter to the author of your all time favourite book and make their day. You may just get a reply!

22. Turn off notifications from your phone and reclaim some of your time and creativity

23. Have a clean out of your pyjama drawer(s) and get yourself some new ones! (Because let’s face it, who doesn’t like pyjama shopping!)

24. Sign up to change.org or another petition website and put your name where it matters

25. Find cool shit on Youtube. I mean, you can find how to make everything ever on there!

26. Lay in the dark with your favourite songs. This must be on of the most underrated things ever.

27. Fill your empty photo frames (I know you have them!)

28. Re-watch Mean Girls or 10 Things I Hate About You to see if you still know most of the words. Just me? Okay, I know you have a film you feel the same about!

29. Make soup! It'll do your soul wonders.

30. Instead of scrolling endless sources of news, get lost in the world of colour palettes

31.  Join a Twitter chat and get to know like minded people. A great one to start you off is #CreateLounge!

32. Take the half hour or so you would have spent lost in the news bubble and dedicate it to doing very necessary things for your wellbeing, like keeping on top of doctors appointments, starting a meditation practice or dancing to Shakira

33. Get lost in the whole world of journalling and bullet journalling

34. Instead of reaching for your phone first thing in the morning, put on your favourite song

35. Watch the sunrise and listen to the birds, because how often do you really take the time to witness something amazing that happens every single day?

36. Have an online declutter and unsubscribe yourself from emails that make you feel pressured, find new blogs to read and fill your feed up with things that make you feel good

37. Take those hours you would have given to the news and learn a new skill (CreativeLive is great for this!)

38. Start your #100daysofaction to make the world a better place, or browse through what people are already doing to get some inspiration

39. Make/buy yourself a new blanket and get cosy.

40. Actually try out one of those recipe videos you keep seeing on Facebook instead of drooling over them!

41. Get offline and meet people in real life. Some of my most wonderful friendships have been with people I’ve met online and got to meet in real life. Obviously, take precautions, meet in a safe place etc, but take the courage to meet someone in real life if you can. If this isn't possible, arrange a skype person with someone you've known online for a while but have never had a good natter with!

42. Go to a market. I don’t know about you, but there’s something about going to a market that reminds me how much community means, and how there is a very real alternative to the big corporations!

43. Make a playlist on Youtube/Spotify that make you feel hopeful!

44. Get a pot plant! Or start your own mini herb garden!

45. Discover the world of craftivism and use your creative skills to be the change!

46. Actually start writing that book that’s in your head - whether it’s a novel or your autobiography. You are the sole owner of the way you look at the world, and the world needs your perspective

47. Make a cup of tea and just breathe!

48. Instead of getting sucked in to the predictable drivel of online trolls, do something to lift someone up instead

49. Make a plan of how you can start working towards your dreams, or if you don't know what your dreams are, do some soul searching! Achieving your dreams will make the world a much brighter place.

50. Start your own blackout poetry and see what happens!

51. Find some kind of morning routine that feels good to you and starts your day off right. It doesn’t have to be glamorous, it certainly doesn’t have to be instagrammable - it just has to work for you

52. Create your own Pick Me Up Box for when the world gets you down!

53. Make time for regular naps. Seriously, we are all wandering around so sleep deprived, and a nap will do more for your mental health than the news will ever do! And I made a napping playlist to help you catch some zzz's!

54. Spend time making your space one that’s inspiring and unapologetically YOU. For me, that looks like having a desk surrounded with colourful postcards and more pretty organisations things than you could shake a stick at

55. Surround yourself with inspiring and encouraging like minded women who are talking openly about what it means to chase your dreams, live an authentic life and put great shit in the world. Want to know where they are? Over on The Couragemakers Podcast!

56. Go outside and take a breath and appreciate the fact that you are alive

What have I missed? Let me know in the comments, and let's start a revolution against things that make us feel hopeless!

Self Care Doesn't Have To Be Glamorous

This week I want to debunk some myths and share with you something I've been struggling with lately. And that's this notion that self care has to be beautiful. It has to be these set of serene moments that are simultaneously Natural Geographic worthy, as well as worthy for high esteemed food blogs. And these serene moments should preferably happen as the sun comes up.

In all honesty, I'm pretty fucking sick of that shit. (I made this pretty clear when Sarah Starrs interviewed me for her Punk Rock Personal Development Podcast)

One of the irrefutable truths I found when I first started taking care of myself and trying to prevent myself from getting burnt out, was this notion that self care doesn't have to be this high horse, impressive thing.

You don't need to listen to Oprah every morning (though, I've just started What I Know For Sure and really recommend it), drink a green smoothie and take a picture for Instagram to practice self care. It doesn't have to look pretty. Often it's messy and you wouldn't want someone to take a picture. It potentially involves a duvet, a boxset or Netflix, greasy hair (come on, I see you! I'm with you too!) and a bar of chocolate.

Self Care Doesn't Have To Be Glamorous

But it's taken a while to get to this perspective. I've struggled with falling into the trap of putting strict parameters on what my self care should look like. I've tried to force myself to grab a cup of tea and an inspirational book, listen to non-fiction audiobooks and feeding my inspiration.

And subsequently haven't done anything to make myself feel more rested. Instead of making me feel relaxed, it's made my brain hurt, when all I need is a bit of time off.

There's a time for filling yourself with inspiration, and there's a time for just doing passive activities. And when you're feeling stressed out, tired, anxious or like your brain won't shut up, you don't need to be forcing new ideas into your head. Sometimes you just need to do a passive activity that's going to take you out of your current reality, and give your brain some time to take it slow.

I love binge watching shows when my brain feels full and it turns out that it's my go-to self care for a reason. Because I need something that's passive and going to let me out of my own head. And that I need that couple of days to do just that, and give my brain a good and proper rest.

If you're feeling like this, turn to your time-tested method of what works for you. (And if it's binge watching tv shows, I really recommend the series Scorpion!) And if you don't have a time tested method, then now it's time to experiment. It doesn't have to be binge watching Netflix. It could be grabbing a coffee and people watching, putting your favourite songs on and shutting your eyes, starting a good fiction book, or anything that doesn't feel like it takes much effort for you, and lets you get into that relaxed state.

Your self care is absolutely necessary, and it doesn't have to be some worthwhile worthy thing. It can be putting trashy TV with a tub of Ben & Jerry's and getting lost in the drama. You know you best!

You do you!

What helps you get into that relaxed state? Let me know in the comments!

5 really helpful tips for chronic worriers

I would say worrying is definitely one of my top 5 skills.

I can worry until the cow's come home. I can worry about ANYTHING. And I have a pretty creative imagination when it comes to turning a non-situation into something epic-ly awful.

And if you're anything like me, you also probably  have a tendency to overthink things and think of the worst possible outcome. I think so many of us passionate an creative souls do. And I think as women, we can be plagued with self doubt. 

Now, I definitely don't have the answer as to how to stop worrying. But I do know something about how to work with your mind to stop yourself going down the rabbit hole of extreme worrying and anxiety. 

So today I wanted to share some things that help me, because I've got a feeling they're going to help you too!

1. Distract yourself and don't judge yourself on what you distract yourself with.

This could be working, binge watching a TV programme, working with a friend through their problem, grabbing a new book. Anything that gives you a bit of escapism and some time out. If you find working helps you through things, watch out for exhaustion though.

2. Don't be hard on yourself if you're not productive.

This is a huge one. Our brains can only take so much. And worrying is EXHAUSTING. Believe me, I know this from experience. Worrying can take all your energy away and really reduce your capacity to make decisions, listen to people and do anything relatively productive. So be kind to yourself and take that pressure off yourself. You don't need it. Accept that shit is tough and remind yourself you're doing all you can.

5 really helpful tips for chronic worriers

3.Tell someone.

This really really helps me. Because when we go to that dark place, it is easy to think you're all alone. Especially at night. Sometimes by telling someone, you can come up with different ways to handle the situation, different perspectives on the situation, and sometimes find that you've been completely losing yourself in this nightmare you've ended up concoting for yourself. I bring Mr. Meg with me to all my doctors appointments. He can remind me everything went okay, and remember the information I'm told that I often lose through panicking.

4.Think of a plan.

This is really helpful, if like me, you're a planner and a fan of all things practical. Allow yourself to go to that worst case scenario place in your head, and think about the practicalities. Think what you could to to cope if that thing you're worrying about did come true. The fact of the matter is that you've survived a lot to be sat here today reading this. You have so many skills and tools to deal with situations. You're not out of your depth, you have everything in you to cope. And you would cope even if you cant see how right now.

5. Remind yourself you're not alone.

Every human experience is shared by many people. Though someone might not be in the situation you are, there are so many people out there talking about their story and how they got through it.

I'd love to know how you help yourself when you're worried and what works for you! Let me know in the comments!

11 Fun Ways to Build Your Self Confidence That You Won't Find In Cosmo

I've had quite a few confidence shattering experiences over the last five years. And there's a notable difference between how I presented myself five years ago than now. Somewhere along the way though , I learned that it's possible to love myself, that I'm much more introverted than I thought I was and that when you compare yourself to someone you once were, you're always going to see it with rose-tinted glasses.

I've been in soul sucking jobs, had managers that were vicious bullies, fallen out with friends, had people my life who made me feel like shit and other various experiences that I won't detail here because no matter how honest and vulnerably you share your life online, you have to have boundaries and draw a line in the sand somewhere.

These are tips you probably aren't going to read in Cosmo. And I'm guessing you're not a huge Cosmo addict because my site is pretty much as far away as you can get from it.

I don't write lists of 5 ways you can love yourself TODAY because I believe they're bullshit as much as I believe the sun is in the sky.

Instead these are small exercises and tiny and big actions you can take, that over a period of time and working on yourself, are going to help you build your confidence.

So if your confidence has been chipped, if you don't stand as tall as you once did, or if you never stood tall to begin with, I hope these can be valuable things you can do so you can greet the world in the eyes, to quote Macklemore, 'stare the world into its face' and claim your space in the world without apology.

1. Dress for the person you want to be

The idea of dressing for the job you want has been thrown around a lot lately. It's one of those pseudo empowerment, techniques that probably helps someone. While I think that leaves a lot to be desired, the idea of dressing for the person you want to be is a much better alternative.

I think we can all get into a habit with how we dress. Wearing stuff that is okay but doesn't really reflect who we are. Keeping to the same safe shapes, the same safe colours and not fully embracing who we are.

And I think that's especially true if you have your own issues around your body image. For me, I've put off buying clothes I LOVE for a long time, because I'm 'plus size'. I kept telling myself the quirky and beautiful clothes I want are attainable when I've lost the weight. But here's the thing. I've had an up and down relationship with my body for all of my life. I'm not suddenly going to drop all the weight, and even if I did, I deserve to have clothes I love NOW. In my head, the person I want to be dresses how I used to when I was thinner. Lots of colour, lots of accessories, and outrageous colour and pattern combinations. And I'm working to embrace that. When me and Mr. Meg go on our round the world adventure, we're going to need maximum versatility and clothes we love. I'm only taking a 45 litre rucksack, so the clothes I take, I need to love. Instead of buying loads of plain vests and leggings, I'm going to be rocking this killer dungaree flared skirt, this beautiful polka dot tea dress and glamming it up with one of these *gorgeous* vintage evening dresses (whenever I can decide on the print!)

How can you dress to be the person you want to be? Take a bit of time - what does she look like? Browse Pinterest, indulge yourself in finding clothes that reflect who you are as a person.

2. Look strangers in the eye

This can be pretty fucking terrifying. So many of us get hung up on worrying what other people think of us, but the truth is that most people are so concerned about themselves and having that same inner dialogue in their own head that they're probably not wondering why you bought that dress or how your stomach sticks out in your jeans.

And here's the fun bit. When you start to look people in the eye, you'll realise something. It's not as scary as you think. It doesn't kill you, you get a much better view. You get to see so much more than the pavement and pigeon shit.

And that has to be worth it in itself.

3. Go somewhere where no one recognises you

There's something so liberating about being somewhere that no one recognises you. There's a sense of freedom, that you probably won't see people you know, and that you probably won't see any of these people ever again. You can try out personas, walk with some serious swagger, dance and sing out loud to your favourite music, give people the eye and greet the world in the face. Of course you do this anywhere, but sometimes it helps to start in places completely familiar and build yourself up.

I love the George Bernard Shaw quote: "Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."

Explore who you can be. And have fun with it!

4. Take REALLY bad 'selfies'

My inside cringes at the word selfies, but there we go.

If you struggle with low self confidence, chances are you aren't best friends with the camera either.

I've got periods of my life where I have no pictures of myself. There are whole chunks of my life that remain visually undocumented because I hated the way I looked so much. And that's really sad. Because I didn't have any less of a story, and I was still living my life. I just hated myself to the point that I didn't think my face was worth documenting.

While you might never want to get to the stage where you're taking pictures of yourself and updating your profile picture every day, I think it's definitely worth starting to take photos of yourself and looking at them. We can become so disconnected with what we see in the mirror. The more you start to connect with your reflection, the greater chance of you finding things you love about your face.

I can say with joy that I love my eyes, my nose ring really makes me smile and I have a pretty hilariously big smile. And I can also tell you the things I don't like - the fat around my neck, my less than clear skin and my lack of dimples. But you know what? The things I love outweigh those negatives every day.

So start taking photos. Start with the ones that are so bad that they make you laugh. And somewhere along the way, I bet you'll start to find things you love too.

5. Start a Comfort Zone List

This is absolutely inspired by Anabel Roque Rodríguez and her own challenge that she shares on Couragemakers. Anabel and her friend both wanted to extend their comfort zones, so they came up with an amazing project to help them do it.

Every week, they would mail each other a couple of ways they were each going to challenge themselves to come out of their comfort zone. Sometimes it would be something as seemingly simple as talk to a stranger.

Why not start your own Comfort Zone List? By doing small actions every week and deliberately focusing on your comfort zone and how you're feeling, you're going to find yourself really proud of what you can achieve which will start to build your confidence in no time.

11 Fun Ways To Increase Your Self Confidence You Won't Find in Cosmo

6. Do something for you that is completely unrelated to your work or any goal

We're so busy that sometimes it can be really hard to justify doing things just for the fun of it. But I think there's something magical that happens when you do something just because you want to.

It makes you feel more in control of your own life, and reaffirms your subconscious that you do matter, and that your happiness is importance.

And it can be anything. Signing up to Borrow My Doggy and getting to know cute dogs in your neighbourhood, having a one person karaoke party, writing your own one person musical (this is on my 30 before 30 list and I'm still not sure how I'm going to pull it off!), or going outside in the pouring rain and let yourself get completely soaked. Or you could start a watercolour painting class, teach yourself to make your own shampoo or learn a new skill. Whatever appeals to you, even if you don't know why.

Whatever is fun for you - and you don't have to justify it, and it doesn't have to make sense to any one other than you - find time to do it. And enjoy it.

And if you don't know what you find fun - start exploring!

7. Stop apologising

I am a recovering chronic apologiser. I apologise for so much shit that has nothing to do with me.

Sorry [even though you bumped into me], sorry [for talking too much even though you asked me a question], sorry [for taking up my full seat on the train, that I have a right to sit in], sorry [for standing up for myself even if you did treat me like shit], sorry [for asking where my meal is even though I ordered half an hour ago], sorry [for interrupting you even though I told you I had to leave half an hour ago]. And the list goes on.

I might as well apologise for the sun fucking shining.

Jeez louise.

And here's the thing. It makes me feel like shit. Every time I do it, I then get annoyed at myself and then end up blaming myself and feeling stupid.

What a confidence crippling cycle.

So if you find yourself doing the same (because I know I'm definitely not alone in this), join me in challenging yourself not to apologise, unless you do something that really warrants it. Like accidentally poisoning your friend's cat, or being mean to someone you love.

You don't owe the world an apology for existing.

8. Get an outside perspective

This is something that's really helped me and it's much different (and better) than asking friends to name three good qualities about you, like so many places suggest.

Having a completely objective perspective can really make you view yourself, and your strengths in a way you didn't before.

In order to do this, I suggest three different online tests (in order of how helpful I think they are.

Clifton StrengthsFinder Test 

I found this one to be an absolute gamechanger. I'd thought of doing it for a while but resented having to pay (it's not very expensive - I did it by buying the kindle edition). But then I got chatting to Violeta Nedkova on Couragemakers about it, and decided it was worth giving a go.

And it SO was. After an extensive (but really fun) set of scenario based questions, you end the test with a breakdown of your top 5 skills (mine were activator, maximiser, connectedness, strategic and relator). Which is really cool in itself, but it gets better!

For each of your top five strengths, the test goes on to tell you how that strength helps you stand out, gives you questions, ideas for action *and* an action plan.

This test has really given me a new understanding of why I've really struggled with the jobs I've had. I can see that I needed to be working for progressive organisations, places where my creativity, strategic skills and leadership skills were valued and nurtured, and have the ability to really feedback my ideas on how to make the organisation a better place. And knowing that really helped heal some old wounds.

A lot of people find this test so transformative because it allows you to see what you thought were weaknesses, as strengths, and helps you see yourself in a completely different light.

The Fascination Advantage

This is another fun one, and again it's not free but I think there is a free quick version you can do here.

This quiz is all about how the world sees you, and while I didn't really discover anything new about myself, it was reaffirming and was a bit like a big accomplishment.

Something I did find however, is that it was SO helpful in understanding how Mr. Meg works. He did the test (yes, I made him!) and I now have such a better understanding of how his mind works and what motivates him.

And it turns out that not everybody works the same as me and is motivated by the same things. So that was a fun realisation!

And if you're wondering, my primary advantage was passion amd my secondary advantage was power which means my result is that I'm 'The People's Champion'.

Get ready to have a new epic name to call yourself after taking this test!

Free Personality Test Based on Myers Briggs* (it isn't THE Myers Briggs test, but a free version that a lot of people take instead)

So if you've seen people have a seemingly random acronym in their Twitter bio, this personality test is probably the culprit.

It's pretty similar in style to the Strengths Finder Test, but instead of telling you your strengths, it assigns you to one of 16 personality types. And it's pretty fucking accurate. And slightly too creepily true.

It is designed to work out :

How you interact with the world - Introverted (I) or Extroverted (E) How you interpret things - Sensing (S) or Intuitive (I) How you make decisions - Thinking (T) or Feeling (F) How you deal with the outside world - Judging (J) or Perceiving (P)

And once you do the test, you get your acronym. There are 16 different combinations and each are completely different. And completely fascinating. And you end up with a long description that basically sums you up better than anything ever has.

If you're curious, I'm an INFP, and it seems like a lot of people I really relate with are as well!

These three tests are great at building confidence because they help give you a deeper understanding of you. And you might find yourself nodding along in agreement with some pretty incredible things about yourself.

9. Laugh for no reason

A random fact about myself, is that a couple of years ago, I trained as a laughter yoga instructor. If you're wondering what laughter yoga is (it's not some fantangled way of moving your body, it's mainly about breathing and the amazing health impacts laughter gives us), you can see it in practice here with Dr. Madan Kataria, who started the laughter yoga movement.

As well as laughing myself silly until I felt like I couldn't move, I learned so much about how laughter helps us in every day life. From how it helps boost our immune system, how it helps us connect with people, to how it helps us to build resilience.

And here's the best part of all.

Your body and mind don't know the difference between fake laughing and real laughing. So you get the exact same outcomes from making yourself fake laugh as you do when you have a really good laugh with a friend.

Now, this might take a bit of getting used to, and feel downright bizarre when you first start, but once you've got over that first hiccup, you'll find that it can have great effects on your mood and confidence.

So try it out. I recommend starting with a simple breathing technique 'Ho, ho, ha, ha, ha' and taking it from there.

Believe me, it works, and it's a lot of fun!

10. Do something that really scares you, that you wrote off as something you might do ONE DAY

I think it's really easy to divide the world into things we want to do that are in the realm of possibility and the things we'd love to do that we'll probably never do.

And I think there's a massive amount of confidence that can be gained by making those things that are bucket list items, or things that we think we'll do one day into reality.

And those things can be the big scary things, and they can also be tiny things. Because what's big and scary for you, might be easy to someone else, and what's piss-easy for you might be a huge deal to someone else.

But the main difference is doing them instead of thinking about them. Recruit a friend, set yourself a challenge, take the leap and trust the net will be there to catch you.

Because life is here to be lived. And you have the power to make that happen.

11. Show Up

My last tip is the biggest and probably the hardest. And it encapsulated a lot of what I've already spoken about.

And that's to show up, claim your motherfucking right to exist, and dare to do the things that make you happy.

Because you have every right to show up. And sometimes we all need the reminder that we're not here to shrink away, keep our thoughts to ourselves and look at the ground. We're not here to apologise for taking up space, to hide our brilliance and to shy away from what makes us unique.

You have so many things that make you stand out. And you have a combination of skills, strengths and personal quirks that no one else has.

You don't have any competition, because no one can do what you do in the way you do it.

And that's pretty fucking special.

I hope this list has given you some inspiration and practical ways to start building your own confidence.

Stop apologising for existing, start laughing, embrace your personality, smile at strangers, and stand a bit taller.

Surprise yourself.

You have so much to give the world and the world needs to hear your story.

And anyone who has made you think any different, can quite frankly shove it.

I would love to know any fun ways you've used to build your confidence, or how you got on trying these ideas out for yourself! Let me know in the comments!

Thank you to the lovely Tiffany Pratt for letting me use this beautiful photo. Credit for interior design and styling goes to Tiffany Pratt and photography rights go to Tara McMullen.

What Becoming Visible Has Taught Me

When I ran the New Year’s Revolution challenge at the start of the year, I set myself a challenge for 2016. And that was to become more visible. And share my many stories. For me that meant putting my whole self out there. Not hiding behind a screen or a mask, but showing up, as I am.

And that’s some tough scary shit. Because it’s really hard to meet yourself as you are and a) be okay with yourself and b) show that to the world.

For me, a big part of becoming visible meant sharing my whole story, not just the good bits; the bits that sound great on paper. But instead telling the whole thing. Messy bits, the ugly bits and the bits I’d change if I was re-writing it.

I’ve written a lot recently about sharing your story and it’s one of my core beliefs that the world needs to hear the messy, complicated, stories. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

While I was sick of hiding the complicated bits and things that didn’t make sense, I’ve been terrified to really show myself. 

And I know I’m not alone in this. So many of us are living this same struggle. And sometimes our logic isn’t rational, but it feels very real and serious to us.

I mean, I nearly didn’t start my podcast because I’m fat. How does that even make sense? I mean, what the fuck is that about?!

And I’ve been shy in sharing my own mental health struggles because I feared that it would discredit my ability to talk about wellbeing, overcoming burnout and living a wholehearted life. (This, I also learned, is bollocks).

So many of us who are fighting for a brighter, better world have struggles and don’t have our shit together. And like I’ve written before, no one wants real life advice from the person who claims that they never have and never will have problems because life is magical. In some ways, having problems makes us most qualified to do it.

But to me, at that time, showing up fully, with both the shit and giggles was a serious concern.

In this self help world of green smoothies and yoga at 5am, I had so many mixed feelings as showing up the way I am.

As a fat woman who struggles with her mental health , the world makes so many assumptions and I didn’t want that.

But I’d started to define myself by my struggles and not by my unique combination of skills and strengths or the passion that I have to make the world a brighter place.

And because I’d already figured out in my own head how people would react, (which FYI, didn’t come true. At all) I’d scared myself shitless about it.

But someway along the way, I realised that becoming visible wasn’t this horrible, scary thing that would mean the end to life as I knew it.

It was a lot like closing your eyes, squeezing your hands tightly together and blurting out what you’ve wanted to say for a while, then coming up to air and realising the world hasn’t ended.

It gave me life. It felt absolutely invigorating to actually put myself out there. To log into skype and have deep intimate conversations with women all over the world for my podcast was terrifying to begin with, but has quickly become one of my all time favourite things to do.

Launching a New Year’s Revolution email course was exciting and so refreshing. Jumping on Skype with people I’ve only known via email has only made our relationships better.

Instead of doing it for the sake of a challenge, putting myself out there actually became fun. I learned that as much as I tell myself otherwise to keep myself safe, I thrive on connecting with other like minded people. I absolutely love talking to people and getting to know their stories. I love showing up as my bright coloured self, being really honest and trying to make the world a better place.

And the last four months have taken me to some pretty amazing places.

I actually started the podcast I put off for so long and it has been even more beautiful than I ever could have dreamt of. Then I put it into the world with some radical honesty and interviewed the most incredible women, and The Couragemakers Podcast ended up in New & Noteworthy (say whaaaat?).

And I’ve enjoyed (enjoyed!) being interviewed for some other amazing podcasts. I shared my struggles with being in the entrepreneur world and my upcoming round the world adventure with VK the VA for her wonderful podcast Behind The Boss Mask and got seriously honest with Sarah Starrs about multipotentiality, the truth and myths behind lifestyle design and uninstagrammable self care on her Punk Rock Personal Development Podcast.

And to put the icing on the cake, I’ve become really open about my own mental health struggles and also really spoken out about my life as a fat woman with Rose Gold (which comes out on Thursday!)

And I’ve learned something huge through this experience:

Hiding yourself from the world not only does a great disservice to yourself, but it gives a great disservice to the world.

The world needs your story. The world needs more raw and honest stories. And you’ll be surprised just how not alone you are when you start sharing.

Like courage breeds courage, honest breeds honesty and stories breed stories.

Showing up as yourself, owning your own story is a radical thing to do, especially in this world where we’re told that only so many stories count.

Because your story does count, the same way as you matter.

You have so much to give the world. And you’re going to enjoy your life so much more where you can really step into your life and claim your spot on the stage.

Walking on Custard & My Own Mental Health Journey

Sometimes you watch or read something and it knocks the wind out of you. You wonder where it’s been all your life.

And you have a new way of understanding yourself.

And you feel less alone.

That’s what happened when I first saw Neil Hughes’ TED Talk about walking on custard and anxiety.

I’ve struggled with a toxic combination of obsessive compulsive order, anxiety and depression as long as I can remember. Some of them would come up every now again. Others, like my OCD remained consistent like the feeling you have after you eat a whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

I used to put it down to teenage growing pains and angst, but there’s only so far you can get into your twenties until you start realising perhaps that’s not the whole story?!

And it’s not something I’ve massively talked about publicly.

Not because I haven’t wanted to, but because some things are hard to put into words. I’ve been open here about how being an activist and needing to leave the world of activism had a huge impact on my mental health, but that’s only a bit of it.

So today I want to share with you some things that I got really good at that you didn’t know. Things that I never planned at getting good at but came free with my mental health issues, like a really shit boomerang in a kids magazine. You never wanted it but they gave you it anyway.  Some of these things are still relevant today but thankfully, on most days, these skills stay unused.

• How AMAZING I am at ignoring the weird looks people have given me when I have to check to things 21 times to the count of 7, and repeat three times.

• Fast counting in my head. SHIT I am good at that. And I’m SO good at forgetting whether I did it properly so doing it all over again. And again.

• Convincing myself I’m unable to leave the house/go to the doctors/go to the shop because I do’t feel like I’m able to

• Laughing it off really hard and convincingly when someone makes me feel like shit

• The success rate of friendships being sometimes massively affected by my mental health

• How excellent I am at creating completely hypothetical situations that involve losing the people around me

• Convincing myself that said hypothetical situations are going to happen

• Making up excuses not to shower

There was a time when I used to the fear that if people knew how great I am at those things, then things would change. Perhaps people wouldn’t listen to me? I’d be put in a box? I’d be asked who I am to talk about what I talk about when I haven’t got my own shit together.  And there was some shame. (Because shame is EVERYWHERE.)

But I know it’s important to share your shit as well as the good stuff.

And I know only too well I’m not alone in this struggle. It seems like most creatives and mission driven people struggle with their mental health at one time or another. So, thank you Neil for encouraging me to share my own story. And for being a fucking hero for sharing ways you’ve found to re-train your brain.

If you struggle with your mental health, I can’t recommend Neil’s talk enough.

And for those of you who walk on custard (now you’re curious to watch the talk!), I’m waving and shouting hello from my own sticky mess.

https://youtu.be/bM06o26PCDQ

Read this if you've ever felt like a fraud

I want to talk about something today that we don’t really like to talk about, or admit. We all feel like frauds.

Who am I to be doing this?

Why should someone pay me attention/money to do this? 

What if they find out that I feel like a mess and discover I’m a massive fraud?

Who do you think you are to do this? What makes you qualify to have a voice on this?

How long is it going to be until someone finds out, and then I’m done. I’m going to lose it all.

What if my boss/friend/client going to find out they chose the wrong person?

I’m not an expert!

I’ve had these thoughts, you’ve had these thoughts, and even John Green feels like a fraud and like he doesn’t know how to write a novel.

Sometimes it feels like a ‘guess what celebrity I am’ post it note stuck on your forehead that you’re desperately trying to hide.

(You can breathe a huge sigh of relief that you’re not alone now!)

And I think there’s a good reason many of us feel like frauds.

It comes from a place of good intention.

We’re mission driven, we want to help people, and our inner perfectionists want us to do the The Best Job Ever.

We’re given so many reasons to listen to the voice inside us that tells us we’re not good enough, that when we put something in the world, when we try something, our imposter voice comes out to keep us in check.

Because for so many of us, we don’t want to let people down, we don’t want to be seen as conceited, we don’t want to wave our expertise or our own strengths around like a bra at a Macklemore gig.

Instead, we worry like hell.

We worry that we’re not doing a good job, counter to what anyone else is telling us. We convince ourselves that the people who support us and encourage us don’t know our secret; the full story - the one where we’re a MASSIVE IMPOSTER.

(And sometimes, when things get really shitty, we can convince ourselves that people don’t mean their compliments, they’re doing it just to make us feel good, or because they pity us. Hello, crippling self-doubt!)

We all have our own fraud stories. Every single one of us. We’ve all had those thoughts, and we’ve all unintentionally and sometimes intentionally kept ourselves back because we feel like a massive fraud.

My own fraud story 

When I started That Hummingbird Life, it was primarily about recovering from burnout and self care. And I used to beat myself up so much about getting burnt out. Fucking hell did I give myself a hard time when I myself got burnt out.

When I first started, I’d just recovered from a couple of serious burnout episodes and had found things that helped me.

For the first time in my life, I saw the value in taking time for myself, the value in putting myself on my priority list, and I started to say no to things, do things that made my heart sing and generally remember that I am valued and I actually matter.

And I learned SO much from that process. It was a complicated, messy, human process and I shared a lot of it. I wanted to share my journey, share things I found invaluable, and share my struggle.

But it turns out it takes longer than a couple of years to un-do learned behaviours we’ve been repeating over and over again our entire lives (help everyone, say yes, just keep going, practice makes perfect).

So I would still burnout. But there was a difference. It wasn’t so hard, and it didn’t take me as long to bounce back. Each time was getting quicker, because I’d built resilience and tools that I know worked for me to help me deal with it.

But at the time, I wasn’t focusing on how I was doing. All I could feel when I did burnout was how much of a fraud I was, and I felt guilty. I thought it made me a hypocrite.

I thought I was an absolute fraud. And a failure. 

The thought that kept going round in my head was  who am I to think that I could help other people, if I still get trapped in the burnout cycle and struggle with self care.

And it really chipped at my confidence. I found it harder to blog and share things that had helped me because I felt like I wasn’t doing it 100% right myself.

I found it harder to blog and stopped offering coaching completely, even though I know I helped many people because of my experience and because I was good at what I did.

With The Couragemakers Podcast, the same familiar thoughts came back to me.

But something changed.

At some point down the line, I figured that everyone has these feelings, and they’re a safety mechanism to keep us in our comfort zones, and to keep us from thinking we’ve got ‘too big for our boots’.

That doesn’t mean to say I never feel like a fraud anymore. Far from it!

I even thought who am I to be writing about fraud? Several times through writing this.

If you’ve got passionate bones in your body, if you genuinely want to help people and put good shit in the world, you’re going to feel like a fraud at some point.

Not necessarily all the time, maybe it’s just fleeting. But we all feel it.

No matter what your work, your passion project - whatever it is you’re putting in the world - is, feeling like a fraud is a part of it.

But being human is even more a fundamental part of it.

If you’re doing something because you experienced it and found something that works for you and want to share it, then that is a completely valid way of helping people. (And it’s also worth remembering that we write what we most need to hear; we work on the things that heal us.)

Experience is a completely valid place to create from.

And experiences are never simple. There’s never a point A or a point B. There’s a couple of salsa steps forward then sliding backwards on your arse.

The fraud is the person who stands there and says they no have zero problems.

The fraud is the confidence coach who tells you they are now 110% completely happy in themselves, that they can establish effective boundaries for every single relationship they have and no longer struggle with self doubt, whatesoever anymore.

The fraud is the person who stands up with the fairy godmother transformation and preaches that they’ve completely figured it out and they don’t struggle anymore.

The fraud is the person that promises you unrealistic fantasies that they pass off as real life.

The fraud is the person that tells you their life used to be awful but now it’s the most amazing fucking thing they could ever fucking imagine.

The fraud is NOT YOU.

You feel like a fraud because we all do.

Because you care.

Because you know deep down you have something of immense value to add to the world, but your first instinct is to keep you safe (in the comfort zone).

You are anything, but alone.