The Ultimate Self Care Q&A!

Welcome to this super post all about self care! If you’ve ever thought about self care, struggled with self care, or don’t know what the hell self care is, this post is for you. If you’ve ever felt stressed, found it hard to justify doing things just for you, or been burnt out, this post is for you. If you’re a human being, reading this, right now, this is for you.

Self care has become this thing that gets bounded around everywhere, and it can be pretty confusing - I mean, what if I don’t like hot baths? What if I don’t like candles? Fear not. Let’s debunk some myths, answer some questions, and get this shit on the road.

What is self care?

Self care is the art of doing things for yourself that make you feel great. It’s about taking time to refill your cup, adding more joy into your life, learning to unwind and enjoy being in the here and now. At a base level, self care is a practice about looking after yourself. On a deeper level, it’s learning that you have your own back, learning to love your own company and learning that you’ve got everything you need right inside yourself. And once you have those beliefs fine tuned, anything is possible.

Self care is a skill, that you get better at, and gets easier the more you do it. At first it might feel hard to justify doing things just for you, and not feel guilty, but as you up your self care, you begin to see how necessary it is, and how it can change your entire outlook on life.

But, isn’t self care selfish?

Ahh, the holy grail of self care - dealing with this notion that if you’re taking the time for you, it means you’re selfish, you’re ungrateful, you’re self absorbed and you only care about yourself. I call BULLSHIT on this. I used to believe that. I used to believe it so strongly that I’d run myself to the ground, and didn’t even know where to start when it came to doing things for myself. Then someone who I really admired said to me, ‘If you don’t help yourself, how can you expect to help other people?’ Mind. Blown.

I’ve come to learn that it can be more selfish to NOT look after yourself. Think about it - if you’re constantly stressed out, frazzled and have no time, chances are you have a short fuse with friends and family, you overcommit to things and end up either letting people down or doing a shoddy job (been there!), you neglect relationships because there aren’t enough hours in the day, and you’re only ever a couple of steps away from a melt down. So while you might think taking an afternoon out to do something you love is something you feel bad about, I can guarantee that you’ll come back to the people you love, and things you’re working on, with more love, more patience, more passion and feeling more like you and less like a hyena on speed.

So, in a word, no - self care isn’t selfish. It’s absolutely necessary if you want to live a wholehearted life.

Isn’t self care just about hot baths, candles and going to bed early?

Nope. Well, it can be if those are the things that give you energy, make you feel alive, renew your faith in humanity. But it doesn’t have to be any of those things. Here’s the thing about self care - it’s not a one off thing. You cant just have a hot bath and expect everything in your life to be fixed.

a) because you have responsibility over your own life

b) because if something is going to fix every aspect of your life, I'd expect more glitter and camp show tunes involved.

It has to be built into your daily life. You might have a hot bath one day, and it might make you feel great, but the effects aren’t going to last forever. They might not last as long as the bubbles do. Nor is self care about spending lots of money doing one-off things like going to a spa or getting a manicure. Sure, if they make you feel great, that's fantastic, but don’t treat self care like a one-off thing that costs you loads of mullah. Because if you do, you’ve got a whole load of excuses not to get your self care on! I haven’t got the money for self care! I haven’t got the time for self care!

So, what counts as self care?

Self care can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn’t have to be green smoothies, impossible yoga poses or waking up at the crack of dawn to meditate. It can be dancing around the room in your underwear to Taylor Swift, taking time at the end of the day to think of 3 good things that have happened, going out for a walk listening to a podcast, lying in bed watching as many episodes of the Gilmore Girls as you can fit in one day or reading a book in the early hours of the morning. In short, self care is unique to you. You don’t have to justify it to anyone.

How can I find self care activities that work for me?

Go grab a pen and paper.

Write down any activities you loved doing as a child.

Now write down any activities that make you lose track of time because you get so into them.

Now write down anything that makes you feel good.

Add the names of your favourite books, films and albums. There you go - you’ve got a pretty good start!

Why haven’t I heard of self care before?

In short, because we live in a culture where we’re rewarded for working until we’re exhausted, where our self worth is based on the grades we get and the job title we have, and where this notion of doing something just for the fun of it doesn’t exist. Think about it for a second - if employers started to value self care, we’d have more days off, we wouldn’t be so put upon and we’d be happier in our jobs. Sounds great, but doesn’t do a lot for the capitalist machine. Also, a lot of self care is free, so if it doesn’t make money...

And if you have heard of self care, chances are it’s because you were in a place where you were exhausted, stressed and feeling overwhelmed and realised something had to change.

How can I make time for self care?

All of our lives look different. What I might count as having no time is going to look different than your version of having no time. The other day, I was listening to a podcast (I forget which one) and it was all about making time, and it really shut a lot of my excuses up. Because, when you don’t have time, you do make time for things you HAVE to do. You make the time to go to toilet, to feed yourself (even if it is junk food/ready meals) and remember to lock the front door. Even when life gets busy, when you don’t feel like you have enough time in the day, you do all of those things. So, you do have time, it’s just a case of needing to prioritise and decide what you’re willing to spend you time on.

Here are a couple of tricks for making more time for self care in your life:

1. Take it as seriously as a hospital appointment - Put self care in your diary, and keep the appointment. You owe it to yourself. Every week I send out self care check ins to my mailing list - I know I have to do that every Sunday, and every Sunday, I make time for it. Not only does it help to remind other people to up their self care, it forces me to sit down and see how I’m doing, and how I’m looking after myself.

2. Start small - Put it this way - five minutes of self care every day is going to have a huge effect on your life, if you’re currently spending zero minutes a day on it. You can do a lot in five minutes, as I found when I wrote a HUGE list of things you can do to relax in under five minutes. Increase your five minutes as time goes forward, but for now, start the routine of having just five minutes every day, to do something just for you.

3. Have things set up already - If you’re a multipotentialite like me, you’ll have learned that organisation is a pretty big thing. One of my favourite books, Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher, shares a really simple tip for spending time on things you love. And it’s this: set up stations. For example, if you love painting, set up a clean space with your canvas/paper with your paints. That way, when the moment comes, it’s so much easier.

Why should I care about self care?

You’re reading this, so I’m going to assume that you want to live a wholehearted life, you want to make a difference and you want to follow your passions. All of those things take a shit load of effort, conviction, and energy. We’re human, we don’t have an endless supply of passion and inspiration. We have a tendency to work ourselves ill, to push ourselves until we can’t and a tendency to get overwhelmed.

Your dreams, your passions, your life - they all begin with YOU. And if you’re nourished, you’re nurtured and you’re well looked after, you’re more likely to chase those dreams, live those dreams and live a life you love. You’ll have time for the people in your life, you’ll have the love to get you through the day, and the strength and courage to get up tomorrow and do it all over again.

But how do I know self care is for me?

If you have a pulse, self care is for you.

While self care is universal, and isn’t limited to class, gender, culture, age, ability, all of those things have an effect on how we self care. Some people have more time for self care, for others, it might not be that simple. Some people live in a culture of which is more accepting of self care, for others, it’s more of a battle. For some people self care might be an energetic activity, for others, self care might have to be a low energy activity. What’s important is finding something that works for you, and knowing that wherever you are in the world, whoever you are, self care is a necessity. Like your fingerprint, your self care is going to be different, and that’s a good thing.

Does self care lead to self love?

YES. By taking the time for you, you’re giving yourself so many unconscious messages:

I am worth spending time on I am worth looking after I love myself enough to stop I have value and am valued I am enough I matter

OK - I’ve got it! Now what?

Pick something small and start. Something I really found helped me to begin with, was getting a sheet of paper, dividing it into strips, and on each strip, writing down something I loved to do. I then put them into a pot/jar and rather than stressing out about relaxing, picked something out and went for it. Here's the tutorial! I also wrote a post of 50 thing you can do to show yourself you matter, which I think might be just the thing you need!

In the beginning, it’s about just getting going. What I mentioned earlier about starting just five minutes at a time, or putting it in your diary and keeping to it, is really helpful. Once you’re finding yourself doing things you love that make you feel good, you’ll have given yourself enough reasons to keep going, just by how much better life feels when you do things you love and look after yourself.

56 Things To Do Instead Of Watching/Reading The News

Wow. Some days the world feels really fucked up - those days seem to be happening more than not right now. And it can be really hard, especially as idealists and people working to put good shit in the world, to maintain any kind of hope, any kind of optimism and belief that there are good people in the world and great things do happen.

I think there’s a growing number of us who are starting to turn off the news, focus on our communities instead and on cultivating hope, not fear.

I mean, the news can be seriously addictive. And it can really contribute negatively to mental health issues - I know it definitely does for me. And this tweet really helped me:

If you find events trigger your mental health issues turn rolling news off. It doesn't mean you don't care. You're being responsible to you.

— Rae Earl (@RaeEarl) November 13, 2015

The way I see it, if constantly bombarding yourself with the news makes you feel like shit, you're doing a great disservice to yourself and the world.

And I get it, sometimes it’s hard to turn our eyes away from things as start to crash and burn. But it’s also fear-inciting, completely biassed and skips the thousands of random acts of kindness that happen everyday.

So today I thought I would share with you a list of 56 things you can do instead of watching the news. (And if you find the whole idea of not watching the news the same as abandoning your fellow humans/being selfish, I recommend you read this and this).

1. Just stop watching the news. Delete the apps and avoid the websites. Do it now!

2. Instead, focus on marginalised voices that talk about the shit that really matters in a way that matters

3. Switch normal news out for good news! I love the Good News Network that features good stories from around the world to restore your faith in humanity!

4. Learn to make the best hot chocolate ever. Here's some inspiration. 

5. Day dream - this is seriously underrated and so good for your brain. David Levitin has done a lot of research on the topic which he talks about here which is fascinating!

6. Read a magazine cover to cover and see what inspires you. My favourites are Flow, Psychologies and O, The Oprah Magazine

7. Write to a friend you haven’t seen in a while, and have fun decorating the envelope!

8. Find that list of books you wanted to read and make a start

9. Get your hands dirty and create some artwork for your living space

10. Create a killer playlist that makes you want to dance your socks off

11. Self publish and start your own zine. There's a whole world of zines out there, and we need your story added to the mix. Here's a great guide to get you started!

12. If you haven’t already, discover the world of podcasts. Download and play things that interest you and light you up instead of things that make you feel gloomy!

13. Re-watch one of your favourite teenage series, and remember just how young Rory Gilmore looked!

14. Actually start that colouring book you got bought last Christmas

15. Save money on takeaways and learn to make a mouth-watering Thai/Indian/Chinese/your favourite

16. Forget your adult-ing responsibilities and get yourself a some cereal and wake up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons

17. Rediscover the angsty music you loved when you were younger and realise how much of the appeal is still there! Seriously, My Chemical Romance...

18. Learn to make something with origami paper. If you need some inspiration, check out these cute stars!

19. Write a list of places you’ve been meaning to visit in your local area and actually go to them!

20. If you haven’t got one already, sign up for your local library and save some cash and support your local library at the same time - win, win!

21. Write a letter to the author of your all time favourite book and make their day. You may just get a reply!

22. Turn off notifications from your phone and reclaim some of your time and creativity

23. Have a clean out of your pyjama drawer(s) and get yourself some new ones! (Because let’s face it, who doesn’t like pyjama shopping!)

24. Sign up to change.org or another petition website and put your name where it matters

25. Find cool shit on Youtube. I mean, you can find how to make everything ever on there!

26. Lay in the dark with your favourite songs. This must be on of the most underrated things ever.

27. Fill your empty photo frames (I know you have them!)

28. Re-watch Mean Girls or 10 Things I Hate About You to see if you still know most of the words. Just me? Okay, I know you have a film you feel the same about!

29. Make soup! It'll do your soul wonders.

30. Instead of scrolling endless sources of news, get lost in the world of colour palettes

31.  Join a Twitter chat and get to know like minded people. A great one to start you off is #CreateLounge!

32. Take the half hour or so you would have spent lost in the news bubble and dedicate it to doing very necessary things for your wellbeing, like keeping on top of doctors appointments, starting a meditation practice or dancing to Shakira

33. Get lost in the whole world of journalling and bullet journalling

34. Instead of reaching for your phone first thing in the morning, put on your favourite song

35. Watch the sunrise and listen to the birds, because how often do you really take the time to witness something amazing that happens every single day?

36. Have an online declutter and unsubscribe yourself from emails that make you feel pressured, find new blogs to read and fill your feed up with things that make you feel good

37. Take those hours you would have given to the news and learn a new skill (CreativeLive is great for this!)

38. Start your #100daysofaction to make the world a better place, or browse through what people are already doing to get some inspiration

39. Make/buy yourself a new blanket and get cosy.

40. Actually try out one of those recipe videos you keep seeing on Facebook instead of drooling over them!

41. Get offline and meet people in real life. Some of my most wonderful friendships have been with people I’ve met online and got to meet in real life. Obviously, take precautions, meet in a safe place etc, but take the courage to meet someone in real life if you can. If this isn't possible, arrange a skype person with someone you've known online for a while but have never had a good natter with!

42. Go to a market. I don’t know about you, but there’s something about going to a market that reminds me how much community means, and how there is a very real alternative to the big corporations!

43. Make a playlist on Youtube/Spotify that make you feel hopeful!

44. Get a pot plant! Or start your own mini herb garden!

45. Discover the world of craftivism and use your creative skills to be the change!

46. Actually start writing that book that’s in your head - whether it’s a novel or your autobiography. You are the sole owner of the way you look at the world, and the world needs your perspective

47. Make a cup of tea and just breathe!

48. Instead of getting sucked in to the predictable drivel of online trolls, do something to lift someone up instead

49. Make a plan of how you can start working towards your dreams, or if you don't know what your dreams are, do some soul searching! Achieving your dreams will make the world a much brighter place.

50. Start your own blackout poetry and see what happens!

51. Find some kind of morning routine that feels good to you and starts your day off right. It doesn’t have to be glamorous, it certainly doesn’t have to be instagrammable - it just has to work for you

52. Create your own Pick Me Up Box for when the world gets you down!

53. Make time for regular naps. Seriously, we are all wandering around so sleep deprived, and a nap will do more for your mental health than the news will ever do! And I made a napping playlist to help you catch some zzz's!

54. Spend time making your space one that’s inspiring and unapologetically YOU. For me, that looks like having a desk surrounded with colourful postcards and more pretty organisations things than you could shake a stick at

55. Surround yourself with inspiring and encouraging like minded women who are talking openly about what it means to chase your dreams, live an authentic life and put great shit in the world. Want to know where they are? Over on The Couragemakers Podcast!

56. Go outside and take a breath and appreciate the fact that you are alive

What have I missed? Let me know in the comments, and let's start a revolution against things that make us feel hopeless!

Dear the Online Business/Blogging World. It's time we addressed the bullshit.

If you are a creative, a blogger, a business owner or a one person band and you're feeling overwhelmed, you're going to want to read this!  I am pissed off.

Blogging and generally being online started as a way of expressing ourselves. Limited customisation options, and it was all about the writing and actually connecting to other people and forming communities. Then it became that + having a pretty blog. Then social media got involved. And then multi-purposing our content for things like Periscope. Then webinars. Then…

Am I the only person who thinks this is a bit ridiculous?

Don't get me wrong, I'm a multipassionate person, and I like the variety, but seriously??

What started off as a need to tell stories, find common ground and express yourself has ended up as this completely saturated marketing ploy where if you struggle you're told to just outsource, or if you don't do ALL THE THINGS, you're told you'll never get anywhere.

And it's pretty fucking impossible to keep up with.

I'm actually sad about all the people who have valuable experiences and stories to share who end up giving up pretty quickly because of the ridiculous amount of things they feel they're expected to do.

Shit, I know I’ve felt like giving up before.

And it's really fucking hard to not cave into the pressure.

Especially when you have noise from EVERYWHERE telling you what to do to grow your audience, how to increase your traffic, how to get more exposure, how to grow your email list.

And when you raise your hand and admit you're overwhelmed (which I don't think enough of us do), we're met with the same answer. Outsource. Or we’re told we haven’t implemented one of ‘the strategies’ properly. Or some other bullshit.

Not everybody can afford to outsource. And not everyone wants to. While it's great that tools exist for Bootstrappers to DIY everything themselves, I wonder how helpful it actually is, or if it's actually just piling more things for us to do that takes us a way from the work that really matters.

And not all of us want to use the exact same marketing ploy or create identical products with slightly different wording.

Blogging and being a creative has gone from sharing your experiences, your stories and your life to this three person full time job.

If you follow the advice of popular bloggers, people who have a business which is all about making money online, and people who blog about blogging, then there's this enormous expectation to do ALL. THE. FUCKING. THINGS.

And I worry about the online community of bloggers and writers as a whole. If we're spending minimal time writing, a massive amount of time promoting, scheduling, creating social media images and the rest of it, we don't have much time to look up and notice what other people are doing. And that doesn't make for a healthy community. That makes for a pretty fucking narcissistic one.

We spend so much time trying to keep up with the gazillion tasks we've already got to do, that most of the things we end up consuming are sales emails in our inbox.

And how on earth can we be inspired in this environment?

While we’re running around like a blue assed fly feeling like the Worst Creative Business/Blog Owner Ever, we’re forgetting that most of the businesses trying to have the same impact that we want have TEAMS. Remember that forgotten word? In very few other industries do you have one person who is responsible for ALL of the strategy, writing, marketing, graphic design, social media management, administration, book keeping, and goodness knows how many other things. Many other industries find the idea of one person being able to do all of this laughable.

(And no, this is not a call for outsourcing, I’m just laying on the table just how much we’re expecting ourselves to do)

Yet without even properly realising it, we take all of this on as if it's completely normal and THEN feel bad when we don't get it all done.

We try to be everywhere all the time and in some industries, some of the ways we’re convinced to try and get clients, get an audience etc would be seen as outright predatory. We’re almost taught to forget that our audience and our clients are real life people with real life passions and problems, and not just a number problem to solve on Twitter or email lists. And as creatives, when everything becomes ALL about the numbers and the analytics, then shit starts to become very boring, very quickly.

And we’re convinced that we have to be on Instagram, Twitter, Periscope, Facebook, Facebook groups, Snapchat, Pinterest, and - countless others I've not heard - of all the time. You really don’t. What you do have to do is live your life as well. And living your life doesn't have to look like being on your laptop until your eyes feel funny, moving onto Netflix for a quick break, maybe a nap and back to your laptop. And yes, I've been there more times than I'd like to admit.

The people you're probably reading who are telling you all about what you NEED to be doing? Chances are, a lot of them have staff. A lot of them outsource. A lot of them aren't staying up until their eyes physically feel like they can't take it anymore watching yet another webinar or signing up for another free checklist. No, they actually get sleep (remember what that is?). And make actual money. And yes they might have been in your position once, but I don't think the expectations were so high when they started out. In fact I think they've been instrumental in helping raise these impossible expectations. It’s kind of convenient, isn’t it?

Most of this bullshit is about making money. Not about helping people, or being really honest or sharing your story to make people feel less alone. Fuck, it felt like that went a LONG time ago. The people who believe that (like me) are called endearing or naive and told to have a better business brain. Values seem to have gone out of the window a long time ago. I mean, for fuck's sake, don't write about your experiences or your life, please, flat lay all the stationary on your desk instead.

And let’s face it, a lot of this feels like Mean Girls 2.0.

What I'm really trying to say is that the blogging/online business world needs to chill the fuck out.

If you are a one person business/blogger/creative entrepreneur, whatever you like to call yourself, you have to stop somewhere.

You are one person - a pretty amazing person at that - and you have to have a life as well.

No one is going to be inspired or moved to action with whatever you put out there if you're too fucking tired to think, or if your heart isn't in it. And no one’s going to care what you do if you treat them as another number or a problem to solve instead of someone who you genuinely want to help.

And frankly, your audience wouldn't want you pushing yourself to exhaustion creating content for them. And if they wouldn't care either way, perhaps you're doing it for the wrong people.

Why did you start the work you were doing? What was your reason?

Go back to the beginning and examine how you can achieve your mission while thriving at the same time.

Because I'm guessing it didn't involve sitting through hours of trainings and webinars and fuck knows what other things we've been told we MUST have or do. (Let me ask you this - when was the last time you actually implemented any of that stuff instead of going straight onto the next training?)

If you're starting out and you're feeling overwhelmed, I don't blame you. Because it's a space full of people trying to get you to pay your fee for the London marathon before you can walk. And a space full of so many huge and ridiculous expectations that you’ve got people panicking because they published their first blog post twelve days ago and haven’t made five figures yet. (I mean, please). That does not make you a failure, people.

And if you started out a while ago and still feel overwhelmed - hi.

If you’re feeling way too overwhelmed and like packing it in, create some space for yourself. Turn down the noise and filter your social media feeds so you’re not seeing all of these things you feel like you should be doing all the time. Unsubscribe to the millions of sales emails and concentrate on the people that provide you genuine value because they want to, instead of click baiting and guilting you into buying their product. Find the people in your niche that align with your values and stick with them. Make connections, struggle together. Promote your stuff in a way that feels good to you and doesn’t make you feel like a shitty person. Find a way to make it totally you and defend that with everything you have.

It’s a huge online world out there, and a whole lot of it feels like it’s designed to make you feel stupid, designed to make you feel like you have to be doing SO much more than you already are, and if you’re looking for confirmation that you should be doing more, then you’re always going to find it. So much of this shit is designed to make you do anything and everything for you to part with your hard earned cash.

So instead of giving time to the people who don’t really care about anything other than what’s in your wallet or filling their own purpose, give to yourself instead.

Please, for the love of all things, start creating.

Get off  Facebook, stop adding keywords to your blog posts for a second and please start creating. Start building the things that only you can build. Get stuck in the flow and let the hours pass like seconds because you’re so absorbed. Go to bed with a full heart, excied to get going again, instead of feeling inflated and like you didn’t achieve much that mattered.

Try not to get bogged down in the little things. Because a lot of this shit we beat ourselves up is exactly that.

I can guarantee that when you look back on your life, you would have preferred to have had a full life instead of a full buffer feed.

You my friend, have so much to give the world. You don’t need all this brain clutter. At some point we started trusting google and anyone who called themselves an expert more than ourselves, and that is some scary shit right there. You have all the answers you need inside you to make the work that matters in the world. And in the areas you feel like you could use more input and knowledge, pay attention to the people whose values align with yours and genuinely want to help you.

Make friends online instead of frenemies, stop comparing yourself to everyone else you come across and instead when you find something you really value - let that person know. That person’s website you keep clicking back to and it makes you feel bad? Stop.

And instead of focusing on follower numbers and engagement stats, focus on each individual person who gives a shit about what you do. When someone takes time to read what you write, to give feedback, to look at your work and gets inspired from something you did? That’s where the magic lies, and how fucking amazing is that you did that? That's a huge honour. You have the power to inspire, to empower and make someone’s day, hell - even change their life. Shouldn’t that really be the focus?

You have epic shit to put into the world and it’s time to start creating it, in the way only you can.

Have fun, get creative, and be intentionally and unapologetically you.

The world needs YOU. And it’s waiting.

I know I'm not alone in how I feel - I'd love to hear your experiences and your thoughts and how you're navigating the online world. Let's start a conversation in the comments!

Dreamshitters, Standing Up For Yourself & Losing People Along The Way

There's something people don't tell you when you start to stand up for yourselves and following the beat of your drum. And that's this: often you'll lose someone along the way. Somewhere between finding your voice and dealing with dreamshitters, something changes.

You stand taller. You talk with conviction. You start to lose your people pleasing tendencies (don't worry, I'm 100% with you on this!) and you start to believe.

Believe you've got something to say. Believe you've got something to give the world. Believe that you matter. Believe that you deserve to be treated a certain way.

And that is AMAZING. Believe me.

But something else shifts as well. And that's your tolerance forbullshit.

Your eyes start to open to the people who take you for granted, the people who belittle you, and the people who don't like this new 'you'. (Except it isn't really new, that bold courageous version of you has been right in there, hiding for some time).

Some people just aren't going to be there for the ride. And sometimes those people who aren't going to be on the journey with you are the exact people you always assumed would be there.

When we start to live with our eyes open, embrace a wholehearted life and start saying yes to the dreams that scare us, we unknowingly force other people to take a long hard look at themselves.

Sometimes they don't like what they see. And they take it out on you.

So I want to assure you:

Everyone has their own shit to deal with. And every now and then, people will throw their shit at you. And it will hurt. But that doesn't mean you need to take it.

You are not responsible for the world's shit.

And no one has the right to make you feel small, or stupid, like your dreams are too big, or anything less than the fucking rockstar you are.

I get it, it's pretty scary losing people. It plays into a lot of our fears, like the fear of 'I'll never find someone else' and the fear of rejection that probably led to the person still being in your life.

So today, I want to give you a huge hug and tell you that cutting out the people in your life who make you feel like shit, might hurt at first, but you'll feel so much better afterwards.

And you'll get great new people in your life. People who see you as you are now, and root for you. People who lift you up and help you be the best version of yourself.

People who are worthy of you. 

And you might only be able to count those people on one hand. But that doesn't matter. Those people are one in a million, and it's those people to hold onto and never let go.

So let's raise our bowls of ice cream to the people who appreciate us for the fabulous people we already are.

Magical Qualities of Laughter You Didn't Know About

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how much time we spend feeling connected, happy and generally smiling. And that got me thinking about laughter. When was the last time you laughed until your belly ached. Or had a smile as wide as the moon or felt like you were glowing inside?

A year and a half ago, I trained as a laughter yoga instructor and I couldn't put my finger on exactly why at the time. I just knew I needed to do it - I felt called to do it, for no particular reason, and just went for it. Looking back now I can see that I really needed to release some stuff and just put things into perspective and have a good laugh.

So today, I'm sharing three great things about laughter that you probably didn't know, and focus the 3 intention setting questions around giving yourself that feeling of laughing until you're going to burst, or just feeling so full and loved.

1. Your body cannot tell the difference between real laughter and fake laughter.

Yep, as odd as that is, you heard it right. Laughter yoga is based around this principle and the fact that laughter gives you so many health benefits. So, as strange as it might sound, it you force yourself to laugh for twenty seconds, you're going to start feeling it! Go on, what are you waiting for?

2. Laughter has SO many health benefits and is definitely better than any cleanse

Move over juicing, laughter is so much more fun and fulfilling. Not only does it boost your immune system, but it does so much to help your breathing, help the oxygen pump around in your body (can you tell science isn't my strong suit?!) and it's generally FANTASTIC for your mental health

3. Laughter is one of the best tools to have in your resiliency toolkit

Not only does it have all of those amazing health benefits, but it is also SO helpful for dealing with so much of life. Laughter helps you connect with others, find a way to deal with tough decisions and situations and just generally helps you to bounce back and keep inspired.

And the next best thing? Laughter is FREE. There are so many things you can do this week to make you laugh, but for now, I'll leave you with this laughter challenge!

5 really helpful tips for chronic worriers

I would say worrying is definitely one of my top 5 skills.

I can worry until the cow's come home. I can worry about ANYTHING. And I have a pretty creative imagination when it comes to turning a non-situation into something epic-ly awful.

And if you're anything like me, you also probably  have a tendency to overthink things and think of the worst possible outcome. I think so many of us passionate an creative souls do. And I think as women, we can be plagued with self doubt. 

Now, I definitely don't have the answer as to how to stop worrying. But I do know something about how to work with your mind to stop yourself going down the rabbit hole of extreme worrying and anxiety. 

So today I wanted to share some things that help me, because I've got a feeling they're going to help you too!

1. Distract yourself and don't judge yourself on what you distract yourself with.

This could be working, binge watching a TV programme, working with a friend through their problem, grabbing a new book. Anything that gives you a bit of escapism and some time out. If you find working helps you through things, watch out for exhaustion though.

2. Don't be hard on yourself if you're not productive.

This is a huge one. Our brains can only take so much. And worrying is EXHAUSTING. Believe me, I know this from experience. Worrying can take all your energy away and really reduce your capacity to make decisions, listen to people and do anything relatively productive. So be kind to yourself and take that pressure off yourself. You don't need it. Accept that shit is tough and remind yourself you're doing all you can.

5 really helpful tips for chronic worriers

3.Tell someone.

This really really helps me. Because when we go to that dark place, it is easy to think you're all alone. Especially at night. Sometimes by telling someone, you can come up with different ways to handle the situation, different perspectives on the situation, and sometimes find that you've been completely losing yourself in this nightmare you've ended up concoting for yourself. I bring Mr. Meg with me to all my doctors appointments. He can remind me everything went okay, and remember the information I'm told that I often lose through panicking.

4.Think of a plan.

This is really helpful, if like me, you're a planner and a fan of all things practical. Allow yourself to go to that worst case scenario place in your head, and think about the practicalities. Think what you could to to cope if that thing you're worrying about did come true. The fact of the matter is that you've survived a lot to be sat here today reading this. You have so many skills and tools to deal with situations. You're not out of your depth, you have everything in you to cope. And you would cope even if you cant see how right now.

5. Remind yourself you're not alone.

Every human experience is shared by many people. Though someone might not be in the situation you are, there are so many people out there talking about their story and how they got through it.

I'd love to know how you help yourself when you're worried and what works for you! Let me know in the comments!

What to do if you feel trapped in your job

In my world, January 29th isn't any other day; it's Meg Freedom Day. Today marks the one year anniversary of leaving my job and choosing myself. I wrote this for anyone who's feeling like I was, to show there is hope, and there is another way.  If you’re getting home and sobbing at the bottom of the stairs, or if you’re feeling physically sick and trapped whenever you get near the building, or if your job makes you feel like a shell of the person you once were, get out.

Or if you have a gut feeling that you shouldn’t be there, or if it’s something you thought you wanted but it turns out you now don’t, get out.

Or at least make a plan.

Let’s face it, very few people in the world are able to just to up and quit a job. I know I wasn’t. I had to sacrifice a lot to leave, and chances are, you do too.

But once you’ve got your plan, that ‘out’, everything is going to feel a lot more positive. Even if that out is in a year or two year’s time.

There’s little worse than feeling trapped in a situation that you feel you’ll never get out of. Your mind starts going to really dark places, and it feels like you’ll never see light again.

So when you’ve got a plan, the light starts to get in. You have an opportunity to imagine a different life for yourself. And a different version of yourself that uses your skills, your strengths and your gifts for something you want to do.

And while you’re opening the crack for light to get in, do other things to widen that gap. While I was making plans, I started religiously listening to podcasts (The Lively Show and Good Life Project). I listened to podcasts featuring people who had escaped and were making their own life. I listened to people who were doing life their own way and the hard journey they had to make to get there.

And something started happening.

By surrounding myself with people - even if they were only in my earphones - who had done it, and were in the process of doing it, it was starting to become the new normal. The idea of me getting out, and starting a new life and journey didn’t seem so far away. (Which is also why I started my soon-to-be Couragemakers podcast, but more details on that soon).

Once this happens, other options start opening up. For me,  it was realising I don’t have to work in the charity sector, and I might be able to work for myself. And that I might even be able to pursue my dream of travelling the world. You begin to feel less trapped.

When those options start becoming clear, shit gets both exciting and scary. Which is a hell of a lot better than the present.

But the present can teach you a lot about what you don’t want in your life. For example, you can write a list of things you don’t want in a future job/career/path and use them as a non-negotiable checklist when searching out new opportunities.

You can reverse engineer what you hate to find the things you might like.

If you’re stuck in a job right now that’s draining you, that’s making you feel like a stranger in your own life, that has you dreading the morning, sit down with a friend and look at your options. And include the crazy out-of-this-world ones. Especially include those ones. When you start to get creative, that’s where the magic starts to happen.

What to do if you feel trapped in your job

And know that you are not alone. This is only temporary, and it will soon be a distant memory.

I’m not saying it’s an easy journey or decision. It’s hard as hell. A lot of people probably won’t understand you wanting to leave, especially if you’ve got a contract and everything looks good from the outside.

But it’s not their decision. And you don’t have to justify it to anyone other than yourself.

So, if you’re struggling right now, do these 3 things:

1. Sit down with a friend and look at your options. And I mean really explore each option

2. Make a non negotiable list of things your next journey can’t include

3. Work out your baseline - what is the minimum amount of money per month and per year that you need to survive

And then make a plan.

This doesn’t have to be your life. I’m not saying I know what your life is going to look like or you do either. But I know that right now, it’s not serving you and it’s taking away from the wonderful person you are.

And you sure as hell are worth more than that.

It’s going to take time. And it’s going to take time to re-build yourself. But you will get there.

Love yourself enough to leave and see what could be.

For me, that looked like moving in with in-laws, working for myself and saving up to travel the world. I'll be leaving in August August to spend  3 months travelling from the West to East Coast of the States, and 6 months across India, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos and Indonesia. And then, who knows?!

What could it be for you? 

Pep talk: Give yourself permission to try

Waiting for a permission slip to do life, is like waiting for your Hogwarts letter.  It’s something you desperately wish you had, but something that isn’t going to happen.

It would be great if someone knocked on your door, told you that your plans are worthwhile and you’re the right person to execute them, but it doesn’t work that way.

And we both know that.

So then why are so many of us living like that? Like we’re waiting for a sign, waiting for the right moment, waiting to get everything right.

It’s not the right time, I’m too busy, I need to know more, I’m not an expert, I just need to invest in this one thing.

Sometimes this is true. Sometimes you do have too much going on in your life. Sometimes everything is too chaotic and it would be ridiculous to add more to the mix. Sometimes you do need invest in something (this was definitely true for Skype Recorder for my podcast). And sometimes you do need to learn more.

But sometimes they’re also just excuses. They’re ways of keeping within our comfort zones, ways of making us feel safe, but at the same time, keeping us level-headed, because, it’s going to happen. Right?

I’m going to be real.

The books I planned out in my head since I was about fifteen - they’ve never been written.

My podcast - it took a year longer than I thought to get started.

A lot of my creative plans - they’ve yet to see the light of day.

Why? Because I’ve been scared. My inner critic started to take over. All the usual shit started showing up:

I’m not good enough. What if no one takes any notice. Who am I to be doing this? I don’t know enough. They’re for other people, not for me. 

And I wanted validation. I wanted someone to tell me I was on the right path, and it would be wonderful. I wanted to not have to deal with the creative blocks, the resistance and the fear that it wouldn’t work out, or my work wouldn’t matter.

But here’s the thing. Your work does matter.

Your life matters. But it doesn’t matter if I think that, if Ryan Gosling thinks that or if your neighbour’s cat thinks that.

That doesn’t count for shit. What counts is that you believe that.

And that you’re able to give yourself your own permission slip. You’re the only one who has earned that right. And you’re the one that’s going to be most affected by it.

Because there are always going to be haters, nitpickers and naysayers. Just like there’s always going to be people doing similar shit to what you’re doing. And that fear and discomfort? That’s not going away either.

permission to try

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bother. It means you need to get creative. And start taking yourself seriously.

Let’s face it. How much time do you spend thinking about what you want to be doing? How much time do you spend worrying about what other people think, and what the reaction will be?

A lot of time, right?

So why not just use that time to just do it?

Why don’t we just use that time to create the things we want to create. Say the things we want to say. And just do the things we want to do.

Give yourself permission. 

Give yourself permission to try and succeed.

Give yourself permission to try and fail.

Just give yourself permission to stand up with your head tall and say:

"I fucking tried and do you know what, I learned something.I learned that I have courage, I have conviction, and I have something to say."

DIY Pick Me Up Box Tutorial

Sometimes making decisions can seem hard. Especially when things feel bleak. Sometimes we just need a pick me up. And that's what this DIY tutorial is all about.

When I was at the lowest point of burnout I was seriously struggling with depression and anxiety and my zest for life had vanished. I was finding it hard, sometimes even impossible to leave the house, and life felt really shit. And I figured I needed to do something about that.

I'd decoupaged this box a while ago, and figured out a neat use for it. I'd write down all the things that brightened my day and quotes that inspired me, and would create my pick me up box.

Hence the pick me up box was born!

By creating a box of things you know bring you joy/inspire you, it takes the decision making out of the process, something that can really zap your energy/something you can't face when you lose all your enthusiasm or life feels shit.

Tutorial

You need:

• A box (don't stress about it being the nicest box you've ever seen as this is a great delaying tactic. You can get a better box later.)

• 2 piece of paper (they should be visibly different from each other, eg. one lined/one paper or different colours

• Pen

Step 1

Cut both pieces of paper into strips and separate the different pages into piles.

Step 2

1. Pile 1: On each strip, write the name of an activity that inspires you, relaxes you, gives you energy or makes you happy. (My list includes: If you don't have any deadlines - Netflix binge day! Arrange to meet a friend for coffee. Go make a cup of tea and take a book. Go for a walk. Put on Macklemore/Taylor Swift and dance. Have a one person dance party.

2. Pile 2: On each strip, write a quote that inspires you.

strips of paper

Step 3

Mix them all about and put the box somewhere near to your bed, or your desk - somewhere in easy reach!

box in place

Step 4

Use it. Remember it exists. Go to it when you're feeling low. And let it do its job. Let it pick you up when you're feeling low.

pick me up 3

It's simple, but it's effective. Find a box and give it a go today. It won't take you longer than half an hour, and you'll have a great tool on hand when you feel tired, feel like giving up, or find life hard.

Enjoy!

How to throw a one person dance party for yourself (& epic playlist!)

If you've never had a one person dance party, you've never lived. Ok, perhaps that's a bit extreme. But seriously, a one person dance party is one of the best ways to make yourself feel great.

What is a one person dance party? I hear you ask. Well, if it was an algebraic equation, it would look something like this:

dance party = pjs (bra optional, essential for me for health & safety) + closed door + loud music + bad singing

I mean, when was the last time you really let yourself go, put on your favourite music and danced like no one was watching?

A one person dance party also caters for most situations:

• Dealing with a break up? Scream Mr. Brightside

• Hate your job? Want to break freeeeeeeee?

• Quit your job & a boss that made you feel shit? I think P!nk has several songs for that.

Going on holiday? Going on a date? Need a pick me up?  I've got you covered.

So get your comfiest PJs on, turn the music up loud and party like it (isn't) 1999.

Watch on Youtube

Follow on Spotify (for spontaneous offline dance parties)

(minus the Taylor Swift. Sad face)

6 fun and creative ways to practice mindfulness

I've always loved the ideas of sitting down with a candle, some relaxing music and meditating. Mindfulness appeals to the side of me that knows slowing down always does me good.

But the idea has always been better than the reality. For a start, I struggle to make the time for it (I always say I'm going to get up at 6am and meditate before the day has begun, but we both know that's not going to happen.)

And it's not just me. A lot of us struggle with mindfulness - whether we don't or can't make the time for it, our thoughts won't go away, or we've just never really got it.

But with mindfulness, I've always felt there's got to be another way.

Mindfulness coach Mary Tracy of Widdershins describes mindfulness as:

'Being in the present, but much more present in the present than you've ever been before. You stop thinking about what you will do in the next minute, 'In fact, you stop thinking altogether. You just "are", you exist, without thoughts'

Sounds good, right?

According to the Mental Health Foundation, in 2010, 72% of GPs reported that they thought mindfulness-based treatments, such as meditation, would help their patients that have mental health problems.

And there's even a Mindfulness in Schools project in the UK, based on the positive effects of mindfulness on all; better able to deal with stress, more in tune with our happiness and general increase in wellbeing all round.

I mean, come on! We're a bunch of creative souls, and we're not giving up and missing out on those sweet benefits yet!

That's why I've been experimenting with other methods of being mindful. Finding things that are fun, tap into our creative sides, and also give us the same benefits as mindfulness:

Calm, peace, perspective and a sense that everything that's muddled in my head has been organised.

So here are my 5 tips for being mindful while getting your creative fix at the same time.

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1. Grab your camera and go

Mindfulness if about living in the moment, and grabbing a camera and finding a new perspectives completely encompasses the point of mindfulness. Now, you don't need to be a photographer, you don't need a fancy camera either, just something you can point and click with and an eye for detail.

And up the mindfulness even further by creating a scrapbook or photo album. Or follow in the footsteps of the lovely Sam from Oh! Hello and do a 365 photo challenge!

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2. Doodle

 Seriously, I could talk all day long about how much I love doodling.  I just pop my earphones in, grab a pen and follow where the pen fancies. I've also recently discovered the world of 'zenspirations', and I recommend watching this video right now if you've never heard of it. 

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3. Cook

Cooking can be SO good for the soul. Taking time, experimenting with spices, and just enjoying the whole experience. Pour over cookbooks (or good-looking stuff on Pinterest), go to the shop to buy specialist ingredients, and set the mood for a nice slow-paced, slow meal. Mmmmm.

(I'm going to let you into a little secret here - I LOVE peeling, chopping, watching the soup maker, everything. I could literally dedicate a day per week to each of those things. I mean, we have to get our kicks somewhere in life don't we? Ewww, not that way you filthy minded animal!)

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4. Go for a walk

This is something I seriously need to make more space for in my life. When I was living in Cardiff, I lived about 3 minutes walk from a river, and sitting on a log, staring into the water and watching the ducks was the best way to practice mindfulness and clear that brain of mine. For once, leave the headphones at home, turn your phone on silent and just walk somewhere nice and sit and watch the world go by. It's amazing what ideas will come to you when walking, and how problems just seem to walk themselves better!

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5. Rearrange things

I love re-arranging things. As in, mixing things up, turning the bed this way or that way, buying a new duvet set, getting some vases and photo frames and just making myself feel at home. Now, I'm no domestic goddess (to say the least) but a good tidy round and mix up can be really good for the soul. Change where things are, don't let rooms stagnate and surround yourself with things you love. Like these amaze-balls postcards I picked up at the Renegade Craft Fair in London by the awesome Emma Margaret. 

Pick things you love and look at them every day!

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6. Sing!

Everyone I know would happily tell you that I'm not the most quiet person to live with. I'm a firm believer than singing goes with everything! Whether you sing like an angel (don't buy into that bullshit!) or you've just got a fair pair of pipes on you, sing out loud to the songs that make you the happiest. Get lost in the tune, make up your own lyrics if you don't remember them!

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Mindfulness doesn't have to be hard. It doesn't have to be something we think other people can do, not us. We're all already practicing mindfulness in our own way already - whether it's daydreaming on the bus, staring into space when watching TV or getting a nap.

But when we start to do it consciously to calm our minds down - that's when we're really going to see those rewards.

Now, go stir up those creative juices and enjoy all the benefits of mindfulness at the same time.

Go! There's never a better time that right now!

Why you need to stop googling productivity hacks

I like a to-do list like anyone else, and to be honest, I'm pretty overwhelmed at the sheer amount of apps designed to increase productivity. Yeah, the whole conversation does appeal to my (slightly anal) organised (chaos) side. Especially when you add in funky looking day planners and downloadable pdfs.

But please, can we just stop with trying to up 24 hours in a day to 48 million?!

I mean seriously. Let’s chill out.

A couple of years ago, I really believed that every hour of every day had to mean something. I had to be achieving things all the time. Multi tasking wasn’t just my best friend. It was my super duper BFF who I did EVERYTHING with.

I was going a million miles an hour, and everything was urgent, everything needed to be done yesterday. Everything was NOW, NOW NOW.

Jeez, I’m getting exhausted just thinking about it.

Productivity hacks were my jam. Anything to make my day more productive and more successful.

I would crash out in my bed at night, already planning my hundred and one tasks for the next day, not taking time to see what I had achieved. I wasn’t celebrating my small wins.

Also, I wasn’t really achieving much more than adding knots to my belt towards my eventual burnout.

Of course, I like a day where you get the things done that you wanted to. I mean, it feels good. It feels satisfying. (I now focus on getting 3 things done a day, and I give myself time to get sidetracked. And happily so.)

But, come on, being productive doesn’t have to be so masochistic. It doesn’t have to mean neglecting to eat, sleep and love. It doesn’t have to leave us ill and leave us constantly feeling inferior.

And besides, when complete overwhelm kicks in, the one thing that’s really going to help is the one thing that feels completely counter-intuitive.

Taking time out

Getting some perspective, stepping away and coming to the realisation that things will not crash and burn like we think they will if we take the afternoon out.

So please, stop googling how to be productive. 

Stop reading those Buzzfeed lists on how to increase your output.

Stop being so damn hard on yourself.

Stop thinking that every minute has to count - that you have to achieve something or get something done every second of the day.

Every minute counts, of course it does, it’s life! But I guarantee you won’t regret spending time with loved ones and making memories.

Let’s start a new conversation. A conversation about the need to take time out and stop glorifying being horrendously busy.

You don't have to be a morning person

I can say with a certain element of pride, that I’m never going to be someone that gets up at 6am to meditate and really embrace the new day. Now, I’ve seen my fair share of instagram pictures of nutritious smoothies, and read about the rituals of the zen and famous.

You know the ones I’m talking about - getting up at 4am to practice mindfulness and do a spot of morning yoga.

Now,  I’ve got no problem with that - I’m of the party that believes that if it works for you, that’s amazing.

But I do think sometimes, it can be a bit guilt inducing, whether it’s meant or not.

And I do think that it is mostly unintentional. It’s just people who’ve found something that’s rocking their life sharing it to help others.

But sometimes, it can just leave the rest of us feeling a bit urghh. 

It’s the idea that if you do X then you become a better person. If you can’t do X or you don’t make time for it, then you’re not dedicated enough, invested enough, good enough.

Usually, I think it’s our patterns and our stuff coming up.

Why can’t I do that. I’m secretly jealous but I’m not going to show it so I’m just going to get annoyed.

And I’m here to shut that down.

Damn, I love the idea of getting up early and greeting the new day with a spot of peace and nice candles, but going on my life experience, and knowing myself the way I do, I know it’s not going to happen.

Instead, I’m more of an owl, burning the midnight oil. I appreciate the evenings, and staying up late.

For me, I know that’s when I’m my most creative and inspired. And I know that’s also when I do my best work. And when I get my ideas that are just crazy enough that I think they might work.

And that’s the point.

It’s about finding something that works for you, not anyone else.

You know yourself better than anyone, and there are already enough hitting sticks in the world making us feel bad and making us feel like we’re not good enough. We don’t need something else to beat ourselves up over.

So instead of feeling bad, focusing on nourishing and cultivating your own best time of the day.

Use it to do things that make you feel good and feel inspired. Use it to achieve that feeling that anything is possible.

Use it to get through the day, or the next day.

Whether it’s night or day, or stupid o’clock in the morning, make it something you look forward to.

Are you a morning person or more of a night owl? I'd love to hear about what works for you in the comments!

10 ways to make doing things that suck, suck less

We've all got things we don't like doing - things that suck. For me, it's bad attitude, washing up, getting up early, changing the bins, and being late. Generally speaking, we get over it.

Then there's some things that are just really shit. They might be a one-off, or don't happen that regularly like having a meeting with your boss that you know probably isn't going to great, supporting people you love through illness, or making decisions that you really don't want to.

Let's face it - everyone has their own definition of shit - what may be my worst nightmare may be just something you do in your day-to-day life.

And that's the way it should be, because we're all different. (Judging people based on whether their shit compare to your shit isn't ok hthough.).

Having things you can do to deal with the shit helps. It helps us get through situations that really suck, and builds our internal resilience.

So, today I'm sharing things that can buffer situations that suck, and ways to look after yourself in the process.

Because it's all about self-care y'all know!

1. Bubble wrap the thing that sucks

Think of the thing that really sucks as being a fragile item. To some extent it has to be there, but that doesn't mean that it needs to be exposed to all the elements. With that in mind, bubble wrap the experience with nice things that don't need much mental focus.   Before said shit thing, get a good night's sleep and have a hearty breakfast. After, plan a night in binge watching your favourite TV show, or reading a book.

2. Get some space and perspective

Too often, we get bogged down and the things we don't want to do become all-encompassing and they begin to blind side us. That's why taking some time our to get perspective is so helpful. For me, that means going to sit by the river near by my house, on my favourite log and just staring at the water and watching the ducks. It reduces my anxiety and reminds me of all the good things, and plans for the future. Whatever peace means for you, go try and get some before you embark on the rest of the day.

3. Get stuck in a good book

There's nothing like a page turner to get you out of your world and transport you somewhere far away. Say you've got a meeting that you're really dreading and know it's next week - a couple of days before, spend some time picking a book and getting really into it. A good book has got me out of the foulest moods many a time, and I really recommend it!

4. Phone a friend

Sometimes the thing we fancy doing the least is the thing that will help the most. Friends are there for the good and the bad, and it's okay to ask for help or for a listening ear. Ring up a close friend and talk it out with them. It's not about finding a solution, it's just about letting off some steam and getting support.

5. Put on your favourite music

Plug your headphones in and let them do the work. Choose music that makes you feel good, or you find cathartic, turn it up loud and let is carry you away. Sometimes this is all we need!

6. Have space for reflection

I'm of the belief that often the best learning curves and lessons come from the things that weren't great. And taking the time to reflect and think of lessons that can be learned from an experience can be great for dealing with future experiences.

7. Own your feelings, not anyone else's

We can only be responsible for how we feel, and that's something really worth remembering during shit times. How other people choose to respond is up to them. By putting in place those boundaries, we're less likely to feel powerless, and more likely to be able to cope ourselves. Just know that in every given moment, you're doing the best you can.

8. Remind yourself why you're doing it

Really go back to basics. Grab a pen and paper and write a list of the reasons why you're doing it. Keep yourself grounded by looking at your list before said shit things that put things into perspective. Sometimes we get the greatest gains out of doing things we don't want to do, and it's worth making sure the table is balanced.

9. Do something you really love

When faced with not so great situations, do something that makes you come alive. Think of things you absolutely love doing, and make time for them. I've written before on my blog about why we don't make time for doing the things we love. Make that time now.

10. Celebrate when it's all over

I'm all about celebrating small wins and finding closure to situations. It's more than making yourself feel good - it's about being proud of yourself for getting through it, and knowing you can get through hard stuff in the future. Go treat yourself to something, go somewhere you've been wanting to go and just celebrate yourself.

So there we have it, 10 things you can do to make doing things that suck, suck less. If you've got suggestions, I'd love to hear them below in the comments!

And remember, if all else fails, remember:

"No fim, tudo dá certo. Se não deu, ainda não chegou ao fim."Translation: "In the end, everything will be ok. If it's not ok, it's not yet the end.

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3 reasons why we don't make time for the things we love (and what you can do about it)

It may come to you as no surprise if you’ve been around my blog for a while, that I love taking walks, and I love doing creative things like art journalling. They both make me feel really good, and they’re my go-to things if I need to clear my head, de-stress and take some time out for me. But I don’t do them as often as I would like to. And I’m guessing that if I asked you your top 2 things that make you feel good, you probably don’t do them as much as you’d like to either.

So what’s going on here?

There's three main reasons why we don't make time for things we love that I’m going to cover in this post. They can be easily overcome, to get more of the good stuff in our lives and to increase our sense of wellbeing in general.

Can I get a hell-yeah?

Great stuff, now down to it:

First reason - We get sidetracked

Life is so busy. And by busy, I don’t only mean the amount of things we need to do. I mean the noise, the level of busy-ness. We’re in the age of multi-tasking. You know what I mean - checking our phones when we wake up in the morning, trying to sneak in a bit of productivity while we cook the evening meal, being on your laptop while watching TV and catching up with family & friends on how their day's been. That kind of thing.

When it comes to doing something you love, allocate time just for that one thing. Put your phone on silent, turn off all distractions and focus. And take it seriously. Downtime for you isn’t something that’s negotiable on the To-Do lis

The ultimate guide to future tripping

Are you guilty of future tripping? I absolutely am!

What is future tripping

At its most basic, future tripping is when we occupy our time thinking in terms of the future. While there are a number of reasons why we all do it, it's basically when we're stuck in what we want our future to look like that we lose out on the present.

I first heard the term used by Jess Lively, and thought to myself, shit that's what people have meant all those times they told me to enjoy the present!

Future tripping usually occurs in two ways:

1. We're too busy worrying about the future, or end results of thing we're doing to enjoy the present so we end up future tripping

2. We don't like a situation we're in, but not ready to make a change, so end up fantasizing about our future instead.

For me, I spend a lot of time thinking about what my future holds, what I want to do, what I want to create, what I want to do with my time tomorrow.

Basically, future tripping is leaving the present to worry about the future.

Future tripping is something we all do to some extent, some more than others. And it's something we're brought up learning to do. What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do with your life? You need to think about the future! Sound familiar?!

Here are some examples of how future tripping happens in our everyday life:

• Getting an opportunity/job and only focusing on how its going to impact future career decisions in a couple of years time, instead of celebrating new things

• Sitting in your office, dreaming of travelling and not doing anything to achieve it, other than spending an obscene amount of time on Trip Advisor at home

• Being at the dining room table surrounded by your loved ones, thinking not of how much your loved ones mean to you, but worrying about that deadline/chores/the kitchen sink.

• Spending all your time talking about the future

The thing about future tripping? We miss out on some great things that are happening/could be happening right now.

Don't get me wrong, future tripping is a great form of escapism and can be the source of making some  huge changes in your life. But, if your circumstances aren't great (you're in a relationship/job/house/place that doesn't serve you), you can easily sink into the black hole of future tripping.

Now, I could talk until the cows come home (or until Michael Buble shows up at my front door) about the importance of being present/ways to be present, but that's of no use if you can't see the dark underside of future tripping.

Future tripping helps you to imagine change, but without actually doing something to get it.

That's until you wake up one day, realise how truly shit you find the situation to discover that you're not any nearer to solving the situation. And that can be a pretty dark place.

You know what they say about how visualising your goals/telling someone you know about them can give you the same feeling of euphoria that you'd feel in achieving them? With future tripping, it's the same.

You can get so stuck in dreaming about your future, or worrying about the future, that you've completely let go of the present.

FUTURE TRIPPING WEB

Future-tripping's best friend

That's where action and planning comes into it - future tripping's counterpart. When we actively do things to change a situation, that's when we make the changes.

But, no matter how much you hate the reality, unless you truly acknowledge it, you're not going to do anything to change it.

And if you spend most of your life stuck in future tripping, you're sure as hell not going to enjoy it.

So what can you do to stop yourself from being caught in the trap of future tripping?

1. Be gentle with yourself - future tripping is learnt behaviour and takes a long time to change.

2. Recognise when you're future tripping and bring yourself back to the present.

3. Create some practices that keep you in the present:

When you're getting ready to go to something that you know you'll really enjoy (a birthday meal, visiting friends/relatives, going on a big trip or just going on a walk in beautiful weather), grab a piece of paper and write a list of what you're currently worrying about. Leave your worries behind on that piece of paper. It's up to you if you pick them back up when you return.

Start a gratitude practice. Each evening find three good things that have happened during your day to make you smile. Doing this right before you go to bed can make for a much better night's sleep.

Absorb the moment. When you're in a good situation, lap it up. Take a mental photograph of the moment, and enjoy it.

Future tripping is a call to action.

Whether that's making a big change in your life, or a call to live in the present, that's up to you.

Stay tuned as I have a very exciting post to come about how I'm taking action against future tripping in my own life, right now!

Why believing you matter will change your life (and the world)

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The below image is the front page of my Radical Self Love Bible (if you haven't already checked it out, I can't recommend the Radical Self Love Bible School by Gala Darling enough!)

And I'm really happy with my front page, because it reminds me that no matter how shit a situation it is, if you can not only remember but believethat you matter, then you can get through all sorts of things.

Small changes and big changes, good things and great things - they all stem from believing that you matter.

But the most important thing? It's about hearing it from ourselves, not relying on other people to make us feel great.

Other people are great at telling us what we're doing wrong, and what we can improve, and that's what we end up focusing on. Think about it - when was the last time someone gave you criticism?

Now - when was the last time someone complimented you?

It's harder to remember the last one isn't it? And I bet the negative comment played on your mind for a lot longer.

The thing about feeling like you matter, is that when you start believing it, all kinds of things start falling into place.

You start making decisions from a different place; one of self value and worth. You start treating yourself better, which can only be good, and you start suddenly finding routes and ways for things you've been wanting to do but thought were a long distant dream.

Sounds good, right? So how do we go about believing that we matter?

Practical Tips

1. Do something you're good at, often. It doesn't need to be so impressive. Recognise your strengths and play to them when you can.

2. Do something you enjoy. It's as simple as that. Get lost in something that makes you feel amazing, and live in the moment.

3. Build a protective bubble around things that make you feel shitty. Have a job you hate? A relative that makes you want to scream? Build great things around the time you spend doing things that aren't so great, and remember them, often.

4. Do something that scares you. When you face fear and do something that scares you (even if only a little bit), you get to see first hand just how strong you are, and how you can tackle things you never thought you could.

5. Think about the things you'll regret not doing, and try and find a good reason not to do them. If you can find one, forget it. If you can't, make a plan.

You fucking matter. You really do. And it's when you start to value yourself that you make the change in the world, that only you can do. 

Celebrating the shit out of your small wins

When it comes to standing up for yourself, changing habits, achieving goals, and basically anything in life, there's one thing that's going to help. And that's starting to celebrate the shit out of your small wins.

So, what is a small win?

It’s doing something small that will help you achieve a larger goal, or helps you into doing something bigger.

I know that sounds really shitting obvious, but often, we don’t take the time to see all the little things that amalgamate to the big thing.

I mean, we could all do with the reminder every now and about that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Because something that’s really easy to forget.

As technology changes, we’re getting used to instant gratification. Want to buy something? Quick click and it’s done. Want to learn a new skill? Sure, there are a thousand video tutorials to choose from.

And at some point we started applying the same strategy to our goals.

We start wanting to achieve our goals before we’ve even decided what they are.

So when we decide that we need to learn to say no, we expect ourselves to be able to do it straight away.

The thing about small wins

is that once you start celebrating them, the journey gets that much better, because we’re giving ourselves a boost and acknowledging our achievements.

Think about that infamous saying, happiness is a journey, not a destination.

It’s so true.

And if we can make that journey even richer, the better.

So, today, I’m going to share a small win I had yesterday.

Our landlady has just arranged for someone she knows to clean our windows. We already have a window cleaner we pay privately, but obviously, it make economic sense to cancel our window cleaner, and go with the new one, which will be covered by our landlords.

That of course involves telling someone I don’t want their service anymore.

It might not be for you, but for me, that’s an awkward situation, because I’m not a huge fan of conversations where I turn people away.

So, I explained the situation to him, was nice about it, and low and behold, he got it.

And it was easy. It wasn’t awkward, he was lovely about it.

I could have berated myself about making a big deal about nothing, but I reframed it into a positive and it felt good.

How about you? What’s something you’ve done today that you can celebrate?

No win is too small, and no celebration is too big!

It’s the small wins that will keep you on track to wherever you’re heading.

7 ways to become assertive and stop people pleasing

I used to be scared of being assertive. I thought I would alienate people, turn people away, and I thought people would just think I was a massive bitch. I've spent a lot of my life being a people pleaser. While I dress in bright and bold colours (that never match), have colourful language and like thinking outside of the box, I've spent a long time in fear of offending or being rude to people, and being judged.

And being a people pleaser is exhuasting. But the things we don't even consider are the most damaging:

* When we're busy people pleasing, we're telling ourselves that we're less important, and that our needs are less important

* Our decisions are made from a place of fear and wanting to appease others, instead of for ourselves

* We're putting a lot of ourselves on the line for other people, who probably don't even think twice.

And there lies the problem. When we're scared of being assertive and are busy people pleasing, we're looking at the outcomes based on other people’s perception, instead of thinking what it would do for us.

Fast forward a couple of years, and I've learned to be assertive.

 And funnily enough, becoming assertive didn’t make me a bitch. Instead, I feel like I have more control over my life, which makes me happier.

By standing my ground, I actually find that people have more respect for me and my confidence has grown.

And people know where I stand. When I said yes to something, my friends and family know I mean it, instead of going along with it to make life easier. And the same goes with saying no.

It's a hard transition, going from someone who is worried about being judged by the decisions they make, to someone who approaches the world with the same level of kindness, but more rough around the edges. But from someone who's been there, there are lots of things you can you can do to make it a bit easier and start the journey.

1. Write a manifesto

Knowing what you stand for is one of the best foundations you can have for becoming assertive. A manifesto is a no holding back declaration of who you are - it is unapologetically you. It's generally just for you, and encompasses everything that makes you you, forgetting and not caring what others might think.There are lots of resources you can use for this, but Alexandra Franzen's guide to writing a mind-blowing manifesto is a favourite of mine. You can find her guide here.

2. Think about people you like who are assertive

Somewhere along the line, being an assertive woman became synonymous with being a bitch. As women, we've spent centuries fighting for our right to have a voice and be listened to, so it isn't surprising that we struggle when it comes to assertiveness. To challenge this belief, have a think about a friend or family member who you like, who is also assertive. Does their assertiveness make you like them any less? How do people react to it? What do they do when they're asserting themselves? Chances are, they're things you can adapt for yourself, and remember - they had to learn to be assertive too.

3. Make a list of the positives that will come with being assertive

I love a list. I particularly love a list that's useful, that you can stick up somewhere. Have a think about why you started reading this post in the first place. Why do you want to become assertive? What do you think you'll get out of being assertive? Is it so people will stop taking the piss and taking you for granted? Is it because you're on the final straw and have just had enough of people treating you the way they say fit? Put it all down, and put it somewhere that you'll see it. That way, when you're putting boundaries into place, you know the wider perspective of why its so important.

4. Be realistic about the people you're worried are judging you

I'd say 95% of the people you see on a daily basis (in a supermarket, at a bus stop, in a cafe), you are never going to see again. And as horrible as it might sound, they're minds are probably full of problems in their own world, and they won't care if you fringe looks a bit wonky or if you assert yourself in a queue. They don't really care as they have bigger fish to fry.

5. The swimming costume story

Building on from the last point, I want to share you a story that my Mum told me when I was younger. I remember being terrified about going swimming because I thought my thighs were fat. I thought people were going to judge me.  I thought people were going to laugh at me and point and stare. I shared my embarrassment with my Mum and she told me that the people in the swimming pool would be more worried thinking about how they look, and their own hang ups to even register mine. And she was right. I went swimming, no one pointed and laughed, and I had a lovely time. The same is true now. People are too busy worrying about being judged themselves than they are judging you! Unless they're really horrible people, and if so, read this.

6.  Be kind to yourself

At some point, if we want other people to stop judging us, we need to stop judging ourselves. We're so fixated on negative things we think about ourselves, that we don't even stop to think that other people probably haven't even noticed. Keep a list of compliments that other people have given you, write a list of things you do like about yourself. See the good things, and focus in on them.

7. Find little ways to be assertive.

This can be as creative as you like. It could start with telling someone who's pushed in a queue that you were in front of them. It could be sending food back in a restaurant if it's not cooked right. It could be getting used to asking people in a shop where things are. The steps you take and how big they are will all depend on your situation, but remember to count each of your wins, no matter how small. (But don't turn into a dictator and be nasty to people just for the sake of testing our your new assertiveness skills, that's not cool).

Some people won't like it when you become assertive but that’s their problem. There’s nothing wrong with sticking up for yourself and saying no. Though it does take practice, it infact makes your life easier in the long run!

But let’s face it, life is never going to be easy, but that doesn’t mean you need to sabotage yourself and make it harder!

So, to wrap up, I just want to say a couple more things that are really important. Firstly, learning to be assertive takes time.  Don't beat yourself up every time you slip up. Accept that it's a process and celebrate the small wins along the way. Keep a list of them, and feel good, because you should!

And, lastly and most importantly, remember:

You weren't born to take up space, your feelings are just as important as anyone else's and you fucking matter.

3 ways to say no and stop people taking you for granted

“It would be easier, and quicker if I just did it.”“It will cause an argument if I said no, and I hate conflict"

Sound familiar?

I thought so.

So let’s take a couple of scenarios:

1. You’re at work and your colleague is taking a loooong time to do a basic task. Sometimes you jump in to offer them help because it’s a less painless experience all round. But this time, you’ve held back and they’ve asked for your help. You know fully well that it’s easier to do it yourself than explain it so they can do it. You’ve got quite a few deadlines yourself but it’s only going to take about half hour and it’s just easier all round if you get it done with. 2. You’re out with a partner/friend and you’re going for a bite to eat. You’ve been wanting to try this quirky new restaurant for a while now and hear the menu’s great and you both agreed this sounded like a great plan last week. Now it’s come to crunch time, they’ve changed her mind and you end up agreeing to go to the restaurant you usually go to. You would put your point across but you don’t want to ruin the night and cause a scene.

So what’s going on here?

Quite a few things, but namely two:

1. You feel that it’s easier just to go along and do what is asked of you

2. You avoid conflict

Hence, you say yes to both. And your urge to say no remains.

But it’s not really what you want. In the first situation, while you may have the time to do it, you’ve also got your own work which is a much bigger priority. Taking just half an hour out to help a colleague (and it wouldn’t be the first or the second time) will inevitably put you behind, increasing your stress levels in the long run. And if we’re brutally honest, you’re not really helping your colleague in the long run, because they won’t learn what they need to. They’ll keep scraping deadlines because you help them, hence becoming dependent on you.

In the second situation, you’re not being true to yourself. Because you don’t want to cause a scene (and I’m not judging, I’ve done this plenty of times), you’re happy to sacrifice your own wants and needs. You don't want to remind them of your conversation last night because you don't want to ruin the evening.  What we don’t often consider, is that in doing so, it’s creating a power relationship where you never get your way, and there’s little compromise. You end up going along with something you didn’t really want to keep the peace. And nobody wants to end up in a resentful friendship/relationship.

Let’s be honest, both scenarios are a bit shit.

When you’re stuck in a situation where saying no is the easier option or saves you an argument, here are some things you can do:

1. The Broken Record

This is one of my favourites, but I can’t claim credit for it. The Broken Record is an old technique taught through counselling, to help set boundaries. It’s as simple as this - come up with a statement that reaffirms the point you want to get across and keep repeating it. For example:

“I’m really busy right now, but if I get time to have a look at it, I’ll let you know” - sets the boundaries and leaves the ball in your court. Win!

“I’d really like to do x, I’ve been wanting to for ages and thought it would be nice to go together.” - You’re putting your needs out there, unapologetically and have considered the both/group of you. Win!

You can alter how you say your broken record statement, but keep the essence the same to make boundaries as clear as possible and to avoid confusion.

TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED WEB

2. Be objective

If someone is asking you to do something, try and be objective. This is hard at first, because it involves taking the emotion out of it, but it gets easier with time.

For example, let’s say your neighbour asks you to go and pick something up for them just as they can see you’ve come home from your weekly shopping trip, it wouldn’t make sense to go back out. It would take more time (which is limited), more money (to get there and back) and implies it's okay that neighbour can keep asking you to do things last minute.

It may be a case of applying the broken record and coming to a compromise. Maybe they can let you know earlier in the week should they need something.

3. What would you say if didn’t give a shit what other people thought?

This can be as harsh or as friendly as you want it to, depending on the circumstance. For example, telling someone to fuck off and do it themselves is probably rarely necessary, and is definitely not going to help in a working environment. But if you’ve got good banter with a friend, used in a humorous way, it might put your point across firmly.

The best way to use this technique, is to come up with what you would say if you didn’t give a shit what other people think and hurting other's feelings and translate it into something a bit nicer.

Give them a go, and let me know how you get on! Saying yes to things you don't want to do does make life harder for you a lot of the time. You may save an argument on a particular occasion, but that's a lot of resentment to store and hold onto.

Remember.  saying no means less doing things that you don’t want to, and more time to do things that you actually want to do. This makes for a happier you and better relationships with people around you. And that's got to be a good thing!

I'd love to see if this has helped you! Let me know in the comments!