The Not So Glamorous Side of Dream Chasing

A quick aside before I begin - I just want to say that I'm not meaning to sound ungrateful, or like I have a rod stuck up my ass. When I started That Hummingbird Life, I made a commitment to myself that I would always be honest (maybe sometimes a bit too honest) and this post is living proof of that. It only struck me lately, that I've been writing about dream-chasing for a long time here, and not really shared about my own right-at-this-minute experience of chasing my own dreams.

To provide an elevator length version of the background and where I'm at right now, it looks something like this:

In January 2015, me and Mr. Meg left our house in lovely house in Cardiff. I was in a job that sucked the soul out of me and left me a shell of who I was and Mr. Meg left a job that wasn't good for him at all. We attempted to give away and get rid of most of the things we own (we still have a storage unit that desperately needs attention!) and moved into Mr. Meg's parent's house to save up to go travelling. We leave in August (just less than three months) and will be away until next May. And for once, we don't have a plan of what our future is going to look like after that.

So, now we're all up to speed, I want to get really honest and vulnerable about how dream-chasing in action is looking right now.

Because I think a huge part missing out of the whole dream-chasing dialogue is how difficult it is and how you often feel terrified though logic tells you that you should be jumping up and down with excitement.

We've all read about the is-it-too-good-to-be-true? stories of dream chasing. And we've all read about the amazing experiences people have had and how it has helped them grow. But sometimes I think we deliberately gloss over the less glamorous/exciting parts because somehow it will burst this vision, or bubble we have that is keeping us motivated right now.

It would be SO easy to fill my Instagram feed with pictures of my rucksack (which is beautiful FYI, and I may have posted a picture of it the day I got it, but I certainly didn't flat-lay it!), excited faces, doodles of travel plans, screenshots of tickets booked, pre and post flight selfies, pretty cups of hot hot chocolates with travel books and journal pages about how happy I am.

And I could make it out that I have this amazing life that everyone in the world should be jealous of, and that I have my shit together, and that I'm happier than I've ever been.

And it would be SO easy.

But it would also be a huge lie.

And I'm not into the art of scamming people.

I would much rather post a picture of my unmade bed and my four-day old dry hair shampooed hair than a photo that paints my life as something it isn't.

So I want to let you in behind the scenes. It's not glamorous, you'll probably be a bit disappointed and you might judge me.

But I want to show the very real different sides of dream chasing and share my journey with you.

What I'm feeling right now

•  I am feeling completely overwhelmed. I have a lot of shit to do before I go. That includes, but certainly isn't limited to: editing 60 podcast episodes, managing my graphic design business and making sure we have enough money coming in for the trip, sorting out our possessions in London and having a good clear out of the things we have in storage, trying to see as much as I can of loved ones before we go, and trying to create a sustainable business plan for That Hummingbird Life which will allow me to do this (e.g what I love) full time.

• And I'm feeling bad about being overwhelmed (see below for the list of things I feel like I should be feeling!) and not ecstatic over the moon excited.

•  I'm beating myself up about not seeing my family and friends as much I'd like to before I go

•  I'm worrying about how I'm going to cope being away from them for so long, especially as my grandparents are very elderly and have unpredictable health challenges and I've always been there for my family.

• I'm getting annoyed at myself for not losing weight before I go and I'm seriously getting concerned about how comfortable I'm going to be on the flight (but let's face it, I don't think anyone is that comfortable). I'm freaking out about the possibility of having to sleep on the top bunk in a hostel and possibly crushing someone to death in their sleep (slight exaggeration, I hope?)

•  I'm anxious about money, whether we'll have enough of it, if we'll have to sacrifice parts of the trip and what that would mean. And slightly annoyed at the fact that I didn't budget for and our budget is £3,000 over what we thought. And I'm working out how that is going to happen.
• Finding nice people via couchsurfing. We're doing half Air B&B one one half of our US trip and half couch surfing for the other half, and I'm not going to lie, I'm slightly concerned that we will end up on a random park bench. Though I'm sure we won't...

• While I love the fact that we don't have a plan for when we get back, we also don't have a plan for when we get back. And that's pretty scary. And hard to explain to loved ones who just want to make sure we're safe.

• I'm equal parts worried and excited about taking work with me. Worried because I want to be as present as possible, and want to live the experience instead of get stuck in this 'to do list' loop in my head. And excited because being a digital nomad, or whatever they're calling it these days, plays to my ego and sounds very cool and adventurous. (I said I was being brutally honest!)

• I'm also worrying about my energy levels while I'm away. I've been feeling very lethargic lately, and have got used to working from home most days, so I'm used to planning my time out and scheduling the things that exhaust me.

• I'm also nervous about having my period while I'm away (TMI?).I 'm not worried about the US, but I do have concerns about travelling around Asia with a really heavy period.

• And to end the list of worries, I have an irrational fear of food poisoning, so yeah, that should be fun!

(Did I mention I'm a very skilled and experienced worrier?!)

What I think I should be feeling right now

• Happy. So much happiness that I'm randomly bursting into tears with the sheer joy of it all

• Not-able -to go-to-sleep excitement levels. And while this does happen when I stop worrying and think about the fact that this time in three months we'll be in San Francisco, I've convinced myself I should be pre-going-to-see-Macklemore level excitement every day. (Which I know isn't sustainable. At all).

• Prepared and feeling like it's happening. Because right now, it hasn't sunk in. At all. I feel we should have our plans sorted. And we don't.

• Raring to go - I feel like I should have my bag packed, a countdown on my phone and be ready to jump on a plane at a moment's notice. Truth be told, I'm working from 9am to 9pm most days, and I'm pretty fucking knackered

• Financially secure - can I just put LOL for that one?

• Really fucking grateful. Which I seriously am, but my ability to worry about every eventuality and over think things is getting in my way.

I'm writing this post because I want to challenge two myths.

Dream-chasing

Myth Number 1

When you start working towards your dreams, or when they become within an arm's reach life becomes this really easy, uncomplicated, wonderful place.

It doesn't. Like I said, I could only focus on the positives, an Instagrammable version, but I would be ignoring all of my values if I did that. And that's something I can't do.

I think often we're sold this myth, that if only we work X hard of make X amount of money that life is going to become this beautiful place full of rainbows.

And I think that's really dangerous, especially when so many of us put our hearts and souls into our dreams and we're desperate for them to happen.

We ignore the fact that there are still going to be hiccups, roadblocks and times of uncertainty .

Myth Number 2

You'll never achieve our dreams unless your life is perfect. You have to be rich or become this wonderful person that you only dream you could be.

Of course, it takes sacrifice, but most of your dreams are doable. You will have to have some trade ins, but you can make it happen.

We might have to wait longer than we thought, we might have to work harder than we ever thought possible, we might have to make some really hard decisions, but they can happen.

It is also some true scary shit, but that doesn't mean that we can't take a risk and go for it.

This isn't a call of action to not chase your dreams. The last thing I want to do is to put you off. I just want to be really honest.

I want to show the side of things you don't generally see.

But you know what? All of those things I'm worried about? All of the sacrifices I'm making?

They are ALL worth it. There have been hard decisions to make along the way, but I wouldn't have made another decision. Travelling the world, learning more about life and more about myself, getting to have new experiences and having so much more independence and freedom has always been something I've wanted to do.

And I wouldn't have it any other way. And I'm sure you feel the same about your dreams too :)

11 Fun Ways to Build Your Self Confidence That You Won't Find In Cosmo

I've had quite a few confidence shattering experiences over the last five years. And there's a notable difference between how I presented myself five years ago than now. Somewhere along the way though , I learned that it's possible to love myself, that I'm much more introverted than I thought I was and that when you compare yourself to someone you once were, you're always going to see it with rose-tinted glasses.

I've been in soul sucking jobs, had managers that were vicious bullies, fallen out with friends, had people my life who made me feel like shit and other various experiences that I won't detail here because no matter how honest and vulnerably you share your life online, you have to have boundaries and draw a line in the sand somewhere.

These are tips you probably aren't going to read in Cosmo. And I'm guessing you're not a huge Cosmo addict because my site is pretty much as far away as you can get from it.

I don't write lists of 5 ways you can love yourself TODAY because I believe they're bullshit as much as I believe the sun is in the sky.

Instead these are small exercises and tiny and big actions you can take, that over a period of time and working on yourself, are going to help you build your confidence.

So if your confidence has been chipped, if you don't stand as tall as you once did, or if you never stood tall to begin with, I hope these can be valuable things you can do so you can greet the world in the eyes, to quote Macklemore, 'stare the world into its face' and claim your space in the world without apology.

1. Dress for the person you want to be

The idea of dressing for the job you want has been thrown around a lot lately. It's one of those pseudo empowerment, techniques that probably helps someone. While I think that leaves a lot to be desired, the idea of dressing for the person you want to be is a much better alternative.

I think we can all get into a habit with how we dress. Wearing stuff that is okay but doesn't really reflect who we are. Keeping to the same safe shapes, the same safe colours and not fully embracing who we are.

And I think that's especially true if you have your own issues around your body image. For me, I've put off buying clothes I LOVE for a long time, because I'm 'plus size'. I kept telling myself the quirky and beautiful clothes I want are attainable when I've lost the weight. But here's the thing. I've had an up and down relationship with my body for all of my life. I'm not suddenly going to drop all the weight, and even if I did, I deserve to have clothes I love NOW. In my head, the person I want to be dresses how I used to when I was thinner. Lots of colour, lots of accessories, and outrageous colour and pattern combinations. And I'm working to embrace that. When me and Mr. Meg go on our round the world adventure, we're going to need maximum versatility and clothes we love. I'm only taking a 45 litre rucksack, so the clothes I take, I need to love. Instead of buying loads of plain vests and leggings, I'm going to be rocking this killer dungaree flared skirt, this beautiful polka dot tea dress and glamming it up with one of these *gorgeous* vintage evening dresses (whenever I can decide on the print!)

How can you dress to be the person you want to be? Take a bit of time - what does she look like? Browse Pinterest, indulge yourself in finding clothes that reflect who you are as a person.

2. Look strangers in the eye

This can be pretty fucking terrifying. So many of us get hung up on worrying what other people think of us, but the truth is that most people are so concerned about themselves and having that same inner dialogue in their own head that they're probably not wondering why you bought that dress or how your stomach sticks out in your jeans.

And here's the fun bit. When you start to look people in the eye, you'll realise something. It's not as scary as you think. It doesn't kill you, you get a much better view. You get to see so much more than the pavement and pigeon shit.

And that has to be worth it in itself.

3. Go somewhere where no one recognises you

There's something so liberating about being somewhere that no one recognises you. There's a sense of freedom, that you probably won't see people you know, and that you probably won't see any of these people ever again. You can try out personas, walk with some serious swagger, dance and sing out loud to your favourite music, give people the eye and greet the world in the face. Of course you do this anywhere, but sometimes it helps to start in places completely familiar and build yourself up.

I love the George Bernard Shaw quote: "Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."

Explore who you can be. And have fun with it!

4. Take REALLY bad 'selfies'

My inside cringes at the word selfies, but there we go.

If you struggle with low self confidence, chances are you aren't best friends with the camera either.

I've got periods of my life where I have no pictures of myself. There are whole chunks of my life that remain visually undocumented because I hated the way I looked so much. And that's really sad. Because I didn't have any less of a story, and I was still living my life. I just hated myself to the point that I didn't think my face was worth documenting.

While you might never want to get to the stage where you're taking pictures of yourself and updating your profile picture every day, I think it's definitely worth starting to take photos of yourself and looking at them. We can become so disconnected with what we see in the mirror. The more you start to connect with your reflection, the greater chance of you finding things you love about your face.

I can say with joy that I love my eyes, my nose ring really makes me smile and I have a pretty hilariously big smile. And I can also tell you the things I don't like - the fat around my neck, my less than clear skin and my lack of dimples. But you know what? The things I love outweigh those negatives every day.

So start taking photos. Start with the ones that are so bad that they make you laugh. And somewhere along the way, I bet you'll start to find things you love too.

5. Start a Comfort Zone List

This is absolutely inspired by Anabel Roque Rodríguez and her own challenge that she shares on Couragemakers. Anabel and her friend both wanted to extend their comfort zones, so they came up with an amazing project to help them do it.

Every week, they would mail each other a couple of ways they were each going to challenge themselves to come out of their comfort zone. Sometimes it would be something as seemingly simple as talk to a stranger.

Why not start your own Comfort Zone List? By doing small actions every week and deliberately focusing on your comfort zone and how you're feeling, you're going to find yourself really proud of what you can achieve which will start to build your confidence in no time.

11 Fun Ways To Increase Your Self Confidence You Won't Find in Cosmo

6. Do something for you that is completely unrelated to your work or any goal

We're so busy that sometimes it can be really hard to justify doing things just for the fun of it. But I think there's something magical that happens when you do something just because you want to.

It makes you feel more in control of your own life, and reaffirms your subconscious that you do matter, and that your happiness is importance.

And it can be anything. Signing up to Borrow My Doggy and getting to know cute dogs in your neighbourhood, having a one person karaoke party, writing your own one person musical (this is on my 30 before 30 list and I'm still not sure how I'm going to pull it off!), or going outside in the pouring rain and let yourself get completely soaked. Or you could start a watercolour painting class, teach yourself to make your own shampoo or learn a new skill. Whatever appeals to you, even if you don't know why.

Whatever is fun for you - and you don't have to justify it, and it doesn't have to make sense to any one other than you - find time to do it. And enjoy it.

And if you don't know what you find fun - start exploring!

7. Stop apologising

I am a recovering chronic apologiser. I apologise for so much shit that has nothing to do with me.

Sorry [even though you bumped into me], sorry [for talking too much even though you asked me a question], sorry [for taking up my full seat on the train, that I have a right to sit in], sorry [for standing up for myself even if you did treat me like shit], sorry [for asking where my meal is even though I ordered half an hour ago], sorry [for interrupting you even though I told you I had to leave half an hour ago]. And the list goes on.

I might as well apologise for the sun fucking shining.

Jeez louise.

And here's the thing. It makes me feel like shit. Every time I do it, I then get annoyed at myself and then end up blaming myself and feeling stupid.

What a confidence crippling cycle.

So if you find yourself doing the same (because I know I'm definitely not alone in this), join me in challenging yourself not to apologise, unless you do something that really warrants it. Like accidentally poisoning your friend's cat, or being mean to someone you love.

You don't owe the world an apology for existing.

8. Get an outside perspective

This is something that's really helped me and it's much different (and better) than asking friends to name three good qualities about you, like so many places suggest.

Having a completely objective perspective can really make you view yourself, and your strengths in a way you didn't before.

In order to do this, I suggest three different online tests (in order of how helpful I think they are.

Clifton StrengthsFinder Test 

I found this one to be an absolute gamechanger. I'd thought of doing it for a while but resented having to pay (it's not very expensive - I did it by buying the kindle edition). But then I got chatting to Violeta Nedkova on Couragemakers about it, and decided it was worth giving a go.

And it SO was. After an extensive (but really fun) set of scenario based questions, you end the test with a breakdown of your top 5 skills (mine were activator, maximiser, connectedness, strategic and relator). Which is really cool in itself, but it gets better!

For each of your top five strengths, the test goes on to tell you how that strength helps you stand out, gives you questions, ideas for action *and* an action plan.

This test has really given me a new understanding of why I've really struggled with the jobs I've had. I can see that I needed to be working for progressive organisations, places where my creativity, strategic skills and leadership skills were valued and nurtured, and have the ability to really feedback my ideas on how to make the organisation a better place. And knowing that really helped heal some old wounds.

A lot of people find this test so transformative because it allows you to see what you thought were weaknesses, as strengths, and helps you see yourself in a completely different light.

The Fascination Advantage

This is another fun one, and again it's not free but I think there is a free quick version you can do here.

This quiz is all about how the world sees you, and while I didn't really discover anything new about myself, it was reaffirming and was a bit like a big accomplishment.

Something I did find however, is that it was SO helpful in understanding how Mr. Meg works. He did the test (yes, I made him!) and I now have such a better understanding of how his mind works and what motivates him.

And it turns out that not everybody works the same as me and is motivated by the same things. So that was a fun realisation!

And if you're wondering, my primary advantage was passion amd my secondary advantage was power which means my result is that I'm 'The People's Champion'.

Get ready to have a new epic name to call yourself after taking this test!

Free Personality Test Based on Myers Briggs* (it isn't THE Myers Briggs test, but a free version that a lot of people take instead)

So if you've seen people have a seemingly random acronym in their Twitter bio, this personality test is probably the culprit.

It's pretty similar in style to the Strengths Finder Test, but instead of telling you your strengths, it assigns you to one of 16 personality types. And it's pretty fucking accurate. And slightly too creepily true.

It is designed to work out :

How you interact with the world - Introverted (I) or Extroverted (E) How you interpret things - Sensing (S) or Intuitive (I) How you make decisions - Thinking (T) or Feeling (F) How you deal with the outside world - Judging (J) or Perceiving (P)

And once you do the test, you get your acronym. There are 16 different combinations and each are completely different. And completely fascinating. And you end up with a long description that basically sums you up better than anything ever has.

If you're curious, I'm an INFP, and it seems like a lot of people I really relate with are as well!

These three tests are great at building confidence because they help give you a deeper understanding of you. And you might find yourself nodding along in agreement with some pretty incredible things about yourself.

9. Laugh for no reason

A random fact about myself, is that a couple of years ago, I trained as a laughter yoga instructor. If you're wondering what laughter yoga is (it's not some fantangled way of moving your body, it's mainly about breathing and the amazing health impacts laughter gives us), you can see it in practice here with Dr. Madan Kataria, who started the laughter yoga movement.

As well as laughing myself silly until I felt like I couldn't move, I learned so much about how laughter helps us in every day life. From how it helps boost our immune system, how it helps us connect with people, to how it helps us to build resilience.

And here's the best part of all.

Your body and mind don't know the difference between fake laughing and real laughing. So you get the exact same outcomes from making yourself fake laugh as you do when you have a really good laugh with a friend.

Now, this might take a bit of getting used to, and feel downright bizarre when you first start, but once you've got over that first hiccup, you'll find that it can have great effects on your mood and confidence.

So try it out. I recommend starting with a simple breathing technique 'Ho, ho, ha, ha, ha' and taking it from there.

Believe me, it works, and it's a lot of fun!

10. Do something that really scares you, that you wrote off as something you might do ONE DAY

I think it's really easy to divide the world into things we want to do that are in the realm of possibility and the things we'd love to do that we'll probably never do.

And I think there's a massive amount of confidence that can be gained by making those things that are bucket list items, or things that we think we'll do one day into reality.

And those things can be the big scary things, and they can also be tiny things. Because what's big and scary for you, might be easy to someone else, and what's piss-easy for you might be a huge deal to someone else.

But the main difference is doing them instead of thinking about them. Recruit a friend, set yourself a challenge, take the leap and trust the net will be there to catch you.

Because life is here to be lived. And you have the power to make that happen.

11. Show Up

My last tip is the biggest and probably the hardest. And it encapsulated a lot of what I've already spoken about.

And that's to show up, claim your motherfucking right to exist, and dare to do the things that make you happy.

Because you have every right to show up. And sometimes we all need the reminder that we're not here to shrink away, keep our thoughts to ourselves and look at the ground. We're not here to apologise for taking up space, to hide our brilliance and to shy away from what makes us unique.

You have so many things that make you stand out. And you have a combination of skills, strengths and personal quirks that no one else has.

You don't have any competition, because no one can do what you do in the way you do it.

And that's pretty fucking special.

I hope this list has given you some inspiration and practical ways to start building your own confidence.

Stop apologising for existing, start laughing, embrace your personality, smile at strangers, and stand a bit taller.

Surprise yourself.

You have so much to give the world and the world needs to hear your story.

And anyone who has made you think any different, can quite frankly shove it.

I would love to know any fun ways you've used to build your confidence, or how you got on trying these ideas out for yourself! Let me know in the comments!

Thank you to the lovely Tiffany Pratt for letting me use this beautiful photo. Credit for interior design and styling goes to Tiffany Pratt and photography rights go to Tara McMullen.

What would you create if no-one was judging?

Life Lesson 1: Good ideas always come in the shower. Especially when you’re singing loud to ‘Go Your Own Way’ (this version is the best!) Life Lesson 2: Not everyone cares if you go your own way. They might not care about what you do in general.

Stay with me on this one. You know I’m not one to throw shit around on a Friday morning.

You and me. We’re passionate people. We want to put good shit into the world. But sometimes we get stuck. We get so worried about what other people might think about what we’re doing and who will see our work that it almost feels paralysing. Sometimes it is. (Writer’s block ring any bells?)

We can get so preoccupied with what other people think.

How they’re going to judge us. What our work says about us as a person. Whether it’s good compared to someone else. Whether someone will think we could have done it better. Whether people are going to share it. Whether it will move people. Whether someone will raise their head and make an ugly comment.

And sometimes we’re worried about ‘people’ in general. This mysterious entity that we talk about like they’re sat looking over our shoulder at any minute, ready to point their finger at us and shout ‘fraud!’

And other time it’s specific people. Family members. Old friends. The people who bullied us at school. People we fell out with a while ago. Colleagues. Competitors.

Whoever they are, it’s fair to say that we dedicate a lot of our time to worrying what they are going to think.

And that’s time we can never get back.

Time that we could have been spent doing things that set our hearts on fire. Time spent reading a book that inspires us to start a project we’ve never thought of before. Time that could have been spent doing the work. 

And I want to save you time in the future by telling you something that took me a long time to learn, but really helped me to turn a corner:

They don’t care as much as you think they do. They might not even care. We might not even be on their radar.

It's a truth that’s a bit like a bitter pill to swallow: No one cares more about what you’re doing with your life more than you do. (The truth will set you free!)

And to be clear here, I’m not talking about your audience, the people who you help (though we could do with stopping worrying so much about them as well). Because when your heart is in the right place and you’re doing the work that matters, you help and inspire people without even realising it.

When I first launched That Hummingbird Life, it was like taking a sharp intake of breath and waiting for all of the negative comments from people in my life that I hadn’t seen for years.

And they didn’t happen.

And it’s been the same for every single thing I’ve done since.

And when you don’t hear anything from them regardless of what you do, it becomes a hell of a lot easier to stop caring what they think and to stop worrying. And sometimes you get to a place where you’re putting yourself out there without even a second thought of them.

I think we get stuck waiting for permission.

We get stuck in this place where we think everyone in our life is going to judge you. (If they do and they’re a dreamshitter, read this).

But here’s the thing that really matters. What you do with your life, what you create, and how you spend your time - these are things that concern mainly one person - you. And there’s only one person who is truly invested in this and this makes a difference to on an everyday level - you.

So take a step back, and ask yourself: If I stopped worrying about all these people, right now, what would I focus on? What would I create? What would I dare to try.

And let yourself be surprised by the answers.

I'd love to know what your answers are in the comments!

An Open Letter to Fellow Couragemakers Who Have Lost All Hope In The World

Dear fellow Couragemakers,

It's pretty hard not to think that we're all fucked.

As the empathisers, the carers, the world shakers, we know how it works. We know how much of the world is held up by misogyny, racism, class war, ablism and homophobia. While we strive to make the world a brighter place, we're reminded every day just how much injustice and oppression we're fighting.

But behind our rage, our disappointment and perhaps our indifference, lies a bigger danger. A loss of hope.

The same loss of hope that can lead to despair, depression, and total burnout. We can start to feel like we've become disillusioned and we've lost our purpose.

And that's completely normal. Especially with such a build up, so much uncertainty, and with the news and political parties installing fear into every essence of our being

But seriously, it doesn't have to be that way.

Being burnt out isn't a trophy of your hard work. It doesn't justify your work as an activist, and it certainly isn't a measure of how much you care.

It's a call that you need to start looking after yourself, and regain your strength.

Turn off the news. Go off grid. Do something completely unrelated. Find whatever it is that takes you outside of the activist realm and gives you peace, and go do it.

That doesn't mean that you won't start again tomorrow, next week or next year. You're not giving up on the the world. It doesn't mean you don't care about the world.

It simply means you acknowledge that before you can help others, you need to help yourself first. You need to replenish yourself, regain your strength, and find a way to keep grounded in what's important to you, as well as the cause.

And the great thing about that?

You start to see your own wellbeing on the same level as the cause. And as a result of that, you start playing a more important role in the cause. You start to bring a new perspective, and action that only you can bring.

And it starts to become sustainable. You can impact change in a measured way, that doesn't drain you or demoralise you.

You can bring more joy into your life, amongst the trauma and the pain.

You can start to feel good, amongst the shit and quit feeling bad about that.

You can change the people around you, who will change the people around them, and then slowly, you begin to change the world.

One person, one mindset at a time.

Change doesn't always have to come in the form of a political upheaval, especially if that system isn't rigged to work anyway.

Change can come from deciding to share more positivity with those closest from you. From deciding to make sure you use community facilities, and encouraging your friends to do the same.

Change can come from picking up shopping for your next door neighbour when you go out. From making an effort to welcome new people into your community.

Change can happen from a smile.

We spend so much time focusing on the end goal that we become depleted and detached.

What if the end goal was to impact the world by becoming the best person you can be, to be a positive influence to those closest to you , in the faith that it'll rub off on them and the cycle will continue?

So wherever you are, whatever you're fighting for, take the time now to take care of yourself.

Because that's truly the best thing you can do for the world in the long run.

Yours,

A fellow fighter

peace-outline

What happens when you make a change from a place of hope, not fear

I talked a while ago on here about being guilty of future tripping. Getting so lost in what we want to do in the future, and not focusing on the present. I also mentioned that I had big changes which I would share when I was ready. And I'm ready.

Turning my life upside down

In December, I handed in my notice to my permanent job. In January, I handed in my notice on my house. And in March, I'm going to be moving to London in with my other half's family for a while, to save up to go travelling.

I have literally turned my life upside down, and it’s pretty fucking terrifying.

I have moments where I just sit here and think when the hell did I get so brave. I also have times where the more rational side of me comes out wonders what the hell I'm doing.

But you know what? I'm going to be honest - my life situation - up until the I made the decision to really shake shit up - hasn't been serving me.

I'd been thinking about a change for a long time, but I was just too scared to jump. And when I say jump, the options I saw available to me were changing my job, and moving somewhere cheaper. They weren’t both, and moving across the country, and making my dreams of travelling a reality.

All that time thinking about the need to shake things up, I was seriously scared of change. I'd rather be miserable most of the time than take a leap into the unknown.

Sobbing and decisions

One evening in December, I just came home and sobbed. I felt really trapped. The realisation that we'd got a house which was beautiful, but was putting a lot of pressure on us financially and limiting our choices was starting to dawn on me. And the situation I was in employment wise just wasn't serving me anymore, and was simply making me miserable.

The two main and concrete things I had made clear decisions on in my life - where to live and where to work, were just draining

me.

But it wasn’t as movie-like as it sounds like - as if a rock just fell on my head and I woke up to face the music.

It was a long time coming, and it was an evening of really painful desperation, clinging onto any hope of things changing I could get.

It had always been my dream to go travelling and I’d started to believe it was never going to happen. The years were creeping by and I was putting it off for security, something I thought I wanted.

And security became a great excuse for not acting on my dreams, and staying in shit situations that I knew weren’t good for me.

A lot of the motivation for change came from knowing that the only thing stopping me was me

Fear's been what's kept me in my situation longer than was good for me.

I was only able to make the active decisions from a place of real hope rather than out of fear.

Taking risks

Yeah, of course it was a risk handing in my notice on both my job and my house, but luckily we're in the situation where we've got families who are being really emotionally supportive and won't see us homeless.

And I'm completely aware that if it wasn't for that, then our options would have been much more limited, and we're really lucky to have such supportive people around us.

But thankfully, it’s all worked out.

Panic number one has been handled regarding what’s going to happen to my beautiful bunnies. Thankfully they’ll be going to live with my Mum and Dad who love them more than me (I’m kidding, I think!) and who really need some bunny love in their lives.

As for the rest, and future panics, I’m prepared.

I handed in my notice early to have all of February to sort things out without stressing, and it’s working. I’ve got a long list of things to do, but they’re not all house related. I’ve got time to read books I’ve been wanting to read, as well as having time to bubble wrap things and sort through junk.

February is seriously busy for me, and I’ve also got a lot of illness in my family right now, and things are really hard.

But I know if I don’t do this now, I don’t know if I will.

And it’s exciting. But also sad (I’ll go more into that in future posts).

So that's why I've been a bit quiet lately. I've really missed blogging. It hasn't been because I haven't wanted to, but because things in my life are changing in such a big way.

I’m looking forward to keeping you guys updated, and living what I write about.

[Tweet "Sometimes we just need to get out of our own way and take another look at our dreams and really believe in them."]

Are you living with your eyes shut?

So many of us are walking through lives with our eyes shut. Tasks become automated, we can’t remember eating our breakfast though we can vaguely remember what we ate and everything starts to become a to-do list item.

Check. Cross Off. Leave for another day.

We end the day thinking about tomorrow. We start the next day already feeling behind.

I know I’ve spent days of my life with my eyes shut. I haven’t seen anyone I’ve passed. I’ve been so involved in creating the future that I’ve forgotten that the present is a work in progress.

We see everything on macro-level. We barely spend any time thinking about the bigger picture.

It’s said that the attention is in the detail. I care to disagree.

Stuck

When we get bogged down in the details, we often lose the purpose that led us there in the first place.

We get stuck in routines. We start to make excuses. We start to justify choices that neither serve us or make us happy.

It’s like the age old fear of waking up one day, wondering who took over your life and how you got there.

I know I don’t want that.I want to look back and think about the risks I took. I want to remember the bold moves I made. I want to reminisce and think, yeah, that was me.

So I want to take a stand right now for living with our eyes wide open. Let’s bask in the boring, let’s make joyful the things we do on autopilot, and let’s make decisions that pry open our vision and make us feel alive.

Go dance in the rain, get off the bus at the wrong stop, cancel all plans for the weekend and spend time with nature.

Go to a stranger’s wedding, get a tattoo, get to bed early and wake up for the sunrise.

Go make a thank you card for a friend, just because, go write out those crazy ideas for your solar panel range of dog coats, go take a cold shower.

[Tweet "Go do something you’ve been talking to people about wanting to do all your life."]

It’s only when we shake shit up that we start to open our eyes.