What would you create if no-one was judging?

Life Lesson 1: Good ideas always come in the shower. Especially when you’re singing loud to ‘Go Your Own Way’ (this version is the best!) Life Lesson 2: Not everyone cares if you go your own way. They might not care about what you do in general.

Stay with me on this one. You know I’m not one to throw shit around on a Friday morning.

You and me. We’re passionate people. We want to put good shit into the world. But sometimes we get stuck. We get so worried about what other people might think about what we’re doing and who will see our work that it almost feels paralysing. Sometimes it is. (Writer’s block ring any bells?)

We can get so preoccupied with what other people think.

How they’re going to judge us. What our work says about us as a person. Whether it’s good compared to someone else. Whether someone will think we could have done it better. Whether people are going to share it. Whether it will move people. Whether someone will raise their head and make an ugly comment.

And sometimes we’re worried about ‘people’ in general. This mysterious entity that we talk about like they’re sat looking over our shoulder at any minute, ready to point their finger at us and shout ‘fraud!’

And other time it’s specific people. Family members. Old friends. The people who bullied us at school. People we fell out with a while ago. Colleagues. Competitors.

Whoever they are, it’s fair to say that we dedicate a lot of our time to worrying what they are going to think.

And that’s time we can never get back.

Time that we could have been spent doing things that set our hearts on fire. Time spent reading a book that inspires us to start a project we’ve never thought of before. Time that could have been spent doing the work. 

And I want to save you time in the future by telling you something that took me a long time to learn, but really helped me to turn a corner:

They don’t care as much as you think they do. They might not even care. We might not even be on their radar.

It's a truth that’s a bit like a bitter pill to swallow: No one cares more about what you’re doing with your life more than you do. (The truth will set you free!)

And to be clear here, I’m not talking about your audience, the people who you help (though we could do with stopping worrying so much about them as well). Because when your heart is in the right place and you’re doing the work that matters, you help and inspire people without even realising it.

When I first launched That Hummingbird Life, it was like taking a sharp intake of breath and waiting for all of the negative comments from people in my life that I hadn’t seen for years.

And they didn’t happen.

And it’s been the same for every single thing I’ve done since.

And when you don’t hear anything from them regardless of what you do, it becomes a hell of a lot easier to stop caring what they think and to stop worrying. And sometimes you get to a place where you’re putting yourself out there without even a second thought of them.

I think we get stuck waiting for permission.

We get stuck in this place where we think everyone in our life is going to judge you. (If they do and they’re a dreamshitter, read this).

But here’s the thing that really matters. What you do with your life, what you create, and how you spend your time - these are things that concern mainly one person - you. And there’s only one person who is truly invested in this and this makes a difference to on an everyday level - you.

So take a step back, and ask yourself: If I stopped worrying about all these people, right now, what would I focus on? What would I create? What would I dare to try.

And let yourself be surprised by the answers.

I'd love to know what your answers are in the comments!

Pep talk: Give yourself permission to try

Waiting for a permission slip to do life, is like waiting for your Hogwarts letter.  It’s something you desperately wish you had, but something that isn’t going to happen.

It would be great if someone knocked on your door, told you that your plans are worthwhile and you’re the right person to execute them, but it doesn’t work that way.

And we both know that.

So then why are so many of us living like that? Like we’re waiting for a sign, waiting for the right moment, waiting to get everything right.

It’s not the right time, I’m too busy, I need to know more, I’m not an expert, I just need to invest in this one thing.

Sometimes this is true. Sometimes you do have too much going on in your life. Sometimes everything is too chaotic and it would be ridiculous to add more to the mix. Sometimes you do need invest in something (this was definitely true for Skype Recorder for my podcast). And sometimes you do need to learn more.

But sometimes they’re also just excuses. They’re ways of keeping within our comfort zones, ways of making us feel safe, but at the same time, keeping us level-headed, because, it’s going to happen. Right?

I’m going to be real.

The books I planned out in my head since I was about fifteen - they’ve never been written.

My podcast - it took a year longer than I thought to get started.

A lot of my creative plans - they’ve yet to see the light of day.

Why? Because I’ve been scared. My inner critic started to take over. All the usual shit started showing up:

I’m not good enough. What if no one takes any notice. Who am I to be doing this? I don’t know enough. They’re for other people, not for me. 

And I wanted validation. I wanted someone to tell me I was on the right path, and it would be wonderful. I wanted to not have to deal with the creative blocks, the resistance and the fear that it wouldn’t work out, or my work wouldn’t matter.

But here’s the thing. Your work does matter.

Your life matters. But it doesn’t matter if I think that, if Ryan Gosling thinks that or if your neighbour’s cat thinks that.

That doesn’t count for shit. What counts is that you believe that.

And that you’re able to give yourself your own permission slip. You’re the only one who has earned that right. And you’re the one that’s going to be most affected by it.

Because there are always going to be haters, nitpickers and naysayers. Just like there’s always going to be people doing similar shit to what you’re doing. And that fear and discomfort? That’s not going away either.

permission to try

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bother. It means you need to get creative. And start taking yourself seriously.

Let’s face it. How much time do you spend thinking about what you want to be doing? How much time do you spend worrying about what other people think, and what the reaction will be?

A lot of time, right?

So why not just use that time to just do it?

Why don’t we just use that time to create the things we want to create. Say the things we want to say. And just do the things we want to do.

Give yourself permission. 

Give yourself permission to try and succeed.

Give yourself permission to try and fail.

Just give yourself permission to stand up with your head tall and say:

"I fucking tried and do you know what, I learned something.I learned that I have courage, I have conviction, and I have something to say."

You don't have to be a morning person

I can say with a certain element of pride, that I’m never going to be someone that gets up at 6am to meditate and really embrace the new day. Now, I’ve seen my fair share of instagram pictures of nutritious smoothies, and read about the rituals of the zen and famous.

You know the ones I’m talking about - getting up at 4am to practice mindfulness and do a spot of morning yoga.

Now,  I’ve got no problem with that - I’m of the party that believes that if it works for you, that’s amazing.

But I do think sometimes, it can be a bit guilt inducing, whether it’s meant or not.

And I do think that it is mostly unintentional. It’s just people who’ve found something that’s rocking their life sharing it to help others.

But sometimes, it can just leave the rest of us feeling a bit urghh. 

It’s the idea that if you do X then you become a better person. If you can’t do X or you don’t make time for it, then you’re not dedicated enough, invested enough, good enough.

Usually, I think it’s our patterns and our stuff coming up.

Why can’t I do that. I’m secretly jealous but I’m not going to show it so I’m just going to get annoyed.

And I’m here to shut that down.

Damn, I love the idea of getting up early and greeting the new day with a spot of peace and nice candles, but going on my life experience, and knowing myself the way I do, I know it’s not going to happen.

Instead, I’m more of an owl, burning the midnight oil. I appreciate the evenings, and staying up late.

For me, I know that’s when I’m my most creative and inspired. And I know that’s also when I do my best work. And when I get my ideas that are just crazy enough that I think they might work.

And that’s the point.

It’s about finding something that works for you, not anyone else.

You know yourself better than anyone, and there are already enough hitting sticks in the world making us feel bad and making us feel like we’re not good enough. We don’t need something else to beat ourselves up over.

So instead of feeling bad, focusing on nourishing and cultivating your own best time of the day.

Use it to do things that make you feel good and feel inspired. Use it to achieve that feeling that anything is possible.

Use it to get through the day, or the next day.

Whether it’s night or day, or stupid o’clock in the morning, make it something you look forward to.

Are you a morning person or more of a night owl? I'd love to hear about what works for you in the comments!